Campaign quotes

[Epametheus]

Some quotes from a particular campaign (yeah, we actually kept records):

P1 to P4: "That's a horrible plan! You might as well walk up to him, scream "I need a ledger," and hit him!"

DM to P2: "You're not trained to fight while strapped to the bottom of a shark!"

DM: "Is the suspense killing you, (P7)?"
P2: "No, the dragon is."

DM: "No, you don't see a boss."
P2: "Is there a save site?"

P4: "Let's not get into trickle-down economics in D&D; it's not worth it."
P2: "But it's in the DMG!"

P3, upon finding Wings of Flying: "Hey! Now we can make [P5's fighter] our best long-range weapon!"

P6 (yeah, this was a big group): "Lead paint? That would explain the windows in the closet."

P2: "It's one of those socialist fruit stands; you eat what they give you."

P1: "And now, let's have a moment of silence -- for the fourth time that [P7] has been saved by Toughness."

P3 *rolling a bluff check for his bard*: "I rolled a one!"
DM *on the opposed roll*: "So did I!"
P1: "The terrible liars have defeated the gullible fools!"

P4: "I mean, why would [P4's character] worship Trickery, Anarchy, or Luck?"
P3: "Well, they all fit her pretty well."

P2: "[P5]! Save me!"
P5: "I've always wanted to hear that."
(the two party fighters had a bit of a rivalry going, and P5 turned out to be much better at fighting purple worms than P2)

P3: "I couldn't remember what my inish was, so I re-rolled and got a better one."

P3: " She's the NPC of the week; I don't want her to die on us!"

P1: "Clean's Bane -- the innate ability of centaurs!"

 

[BSF]

OK, that last post reminds me of another one.

I was playing in a game where one of the players is playing a wild elf barbarian with some obscene strength - 18.99 or 18.00 in 1st Ed AD&D. His schtick was that he throws battle axes. Anyway, we are attacking an ogre lair. We are fighting our way in through some pretty light resistance. Finally, we come to a large chamber. We don't see anyone inside. Since we are all reasonably paranoid, we slide along the walls to either side as we enter. As Initiative starts, we understand exactly what the problem is. Above our heads is a large ledge around where the 20 or so ogres are standing ready to rain boulder hell on us. The ogres go before the barbarian. One picks up a boulder, rears back and sends it through the elf barbarian's chest. (Crit - DM has his own crit charts - this was either x3 or x4 damage)The player gets a bit pouty and loudly proclaims that there is no way an oger would be able to throw a boulder. The table gets a little quiet since this particular player is a marine and he seems a little upset. Still, my innate smart-mouth comes into play as I look at him and say. "You throw battleaxes, why can't an ogre throw rocks?"



OK, it's not so funny now. But, it was funny at the time.

 

[Arc]

The party rogue who has delusions of being a fighter: Ok, I jump off the cliff and land on him, and then attack.
DM: He's a ghost.
Rogue: [silence] Oh.

The next situation has happened a couple of times, but generally comes out something like this:
DM: The [major NPC] comes out, and tells you that the [BBEG] from the [main quest] is about to do [something bad]
Me: (cups hands to mouth, and does that sorta train whistle sound) Woo! Woo! All aboard the plot train!

 

[ConnorSB]

This just happened today.

DM: The bandits are all dead.
Player One: I search the bodies. And I'm really good at it, 'cause I'm a rogue.
Player Two: You're an elf too. That helps.
Me: Yah. It helps you check the bodies for secret doors.

 

[cignus_pfaccari]

The bounty hunter decides to fix the situation by popping out his Thermal Detonator and tossing it down to the level where the imps are.

Our SW party's going through the Tempest Feud adventure. A few sessions ago, we were trying to get off-world, and were heading toward a ship in a really unpleasant part of town.

We go out of the bar where we picked up our "benefactor", and run into a gang of drug-fueled crazies.

Player 1 gets the highest initiative: "Screw this. I throw a thermal detonator."

The detonator goes off in the midst of the gang, and slaughters them. Everyone at the table falls over laughing.

Brad

 

[Kastil]

"But it was only a baby!"

- whined by the very paranoid and fame-averse PCs, when word got out that they had slain a young black dragon.

Gad! That sounds like the campaign I was in!

 

[hong]

In a Marvel game some yaers back...

The only female in the group was a Druid like spellcaster with a Squirrel familiar that was a combat demon(no joke, fuzzy little twerp could dish out the damage). The party had added a few new members including myself, playing an older, experienced hero that was previously a solo but rooked into helping them out. We had just finished a 'Danger Room' session so we would understand our different capacities better, unfortunately the Squirrel's player hadn't made it so wasn't included...

Me: Damn she is impresive.
Team Leader: Yeah, you should see her Squirrel.
Me: So is that what you kids are calling it these days.

On a similar note:

The high-level party has been separated while teleporting away from a bunch of undersea monsters. The adventure was taking place on a remote island, and the archmage and his female druid cohort end up on the beach. So he casts rope trick, and the two of them bed down for the night, to much giggling from the rest of us. Later, the archmage is trying to persuade us that they weren't doing the horizontal two-step together, IYKWIM.

"Look, nothing happened that night!"

"Suuuure. So what were you doing?"

"Um, I was making a magic item!"

"Oh, is THAT what you call it?"

 

[Rel]

"Look, nothing happened that night!"

"Suuuure. So what were you doing?"

"Um, I was making a magic item!"

"Oh, is THAT what you call it?"

Just "polishing my Rod", I swear!

 

[EtherHulkRending]

the party is sitting in a tavern, we don't know why we're there but the dwarf is gonna get sloopy drunk, he's a dwarf afterall

Waitress" What can I get ye fine men tonight?"

Dwarf" two pitchers of ale, a room, and an hour of your time"

Every eye in the bar turns to the dwarf, who follows up by tapping the barmaid on the tuckus.

 

[Rel]

sloopy drunk

Speaking of memorable quotes, I'm afraid this one may have just found its way into my lexicon.

"Folks, I'm not messing around this time: Tonight, we get "sloopy drunk"!"

"Hang on sloopy, sloopy hang on!"