Character question.

[Alcamtar]

So all I need is 1000xp to make Level 2. Would I get 1000xp if I killed Orcus?

Well, you might if Orcus's CR was higher than your ECL, but as it stands I think you'll need to kill several of him.

Mike

 

[hong]

Got bored of elf-bashing already, Forrester?

It's about the character I just created. Just WAIT until you see him! I bet he could take on all of your characters COMBINED!

I doubt that, "Forrester", if that is your real name. The characters on this board, when put together, turn into a GIANT DEATH RAY-WIELDING ROBOT OF DOOM, much like in old anime cartoons. I get to be the tongue.

It's a half-gold dragon half-lion half-choker half-troll half-celestial half-fiend half-drow

be bop a lula doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo falalalala

lich-vampire godling tarrasque

and a partridge in a pear tree

with eight arms, and he is

suffering from avian psittacosis. I intend to refrigerate him when he dies, which will be

SOOO COOOOL! Oh, wait -- he's half-human too, so that he can get

venereal diseases as well. Nothing like Disease Vector for

that bonus feat. (I talked my DM into

infecting me with that weird one that makes my dangly bits fall off, but that's the price of

allowing bonus feats for half-humans.) I'm wielding

said dangly bits anyway, as part of my

eight Large Mithril Shields +6

and don't they look good and hairy, let me tell you. Not only that,

with +6 Shield Spikes,

it's a sight to make one's eyes water, indeed.

and because I'm a half-gold dragon half-lion half-choker half-troll half-celestial half-fiend half-drow

beable doidy futplex titanium exoskeleton lorem ipsum dolor

lich-vampire godling tarrasque,

and that's only on my MOTHER'S SIDE,

I have a few bonus feats, and so I decided to jump right to

the logical conclusion of gratuitously insulting my shield. Hence

Shield Bash. And the cool thing is that my DM is letting me make

some money on the side with special "services", and all I need is some Vaseline! Anyway, it's

a Dex check to be able to "Pounce" (that's why I'm half-lion,

the ONLY one there'll be, since they've now banned my parents from the zoo,

for the pseudo-Pounce feat) so I can take a

dump and then hurl the results at people, like Bongo the Super Monkey. This is my best

move and then attack with all of my shields at once! BOOYAH!

Sorry, that's the dump on its way out. This always happens after I "service" my DM.

That way I don't have to waste the free partial action I get from being a half-choker.

Speaking of which, I am half-choking my "shield spike" RIGHT NOW, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

And with my 100' movement rate, nothing is getting away!

I'm like a bad smell that way. Oh, that's the dump again, sorry.

I can throw my shields too,

although some might call this "tossing",

but unfortunately I can throw only four of them a round.

Terrible oversight that. Obviously I'm only a half-tosser.

They've got this really sharp edge on them,

honed from YEARS of tossing,

and I can throw them really far, Captain America style,

You can tell it's Captain America style by the little booties,

so that they return to me the same round. Given that the shield edge

carries every infectious disease known to man, it's lucky that it

counts as a Vorpal weapon, and has a good chance of

putting them out of their misery. I'm in the habit of

Stunning the target (Fort DC50) for 2d8 turns,

so I can have my fiendish way with them.

I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really wish I could throw all eight of them.

That way I'd be a COMPLETE tosser, something I've always aspired to.

What am I saying? That'd be really stupid.

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

I need the other four to protect me from my

sense of self-doubt and loathing, which are my constant

enemies -- they each give SR 20 (and they stack!),

which is not a sight for kiddies and liberals, let me tell you,

not to mention Resistance 100 from all

attempts to penetrate my skull, which is lucky with all those

energy attacks (and those stack too! WOOHOO!)

Sorry, had to take another dump. Where was I?

AND, when combined, give me DR 1000/+131513483132.

which is Pi, to 3 decimal places. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true!

Not that much is going to hurt me --

I feel no pain! Life sucks when all your nerve endings have been cauterised! Except for when the dump comes out.

I've got a natural SR of 40 (luckily, that stacks with the shields!) and an AC of 92.

I'm working on getting it up to three digits, but I don't think my nerve endings could take the strain.

Touch-attack AC is only 44, though . . . which is why I made sure to Wish for

a nice plush toy, of a bear preferably, and I will pet him, and feed him, and hold him, and hug him, and make love I MEAN

complete immunity to both Harm, and all Death Magic.

Nobody pulls the harm trick on me 50 times, and lives!

And automatic control over all Spheres of Annihiliation within 1600 miles. Just in case!

You never know what lurks inside those plushie bears.

If anyone can tell me what else I should Wish for, just to protect myself, let me know.

Prophylactics come to mind.

My dad, Zeus, gave me a Ring of Quickened Empowered Maximized Wishes, and while I'd hate to use any more of them, I will if I have to.

Like a thunderbolt in the tush, is my dad Zeus! (If you know your Greek myth, you know of what I speak.)

So anyway, my question: When I hit 2nd level, should I take

A break, or go back to elf-bashing?

Come on. I've seen better baiting in a fly-fishing school for 1st graders.

 

[Mantra]

Get stuffed

 

[hong]

Get stuffed

Hello. What may I do for you?

 

[Forrester]

Ahem.

Come on. I've seen better baiting in a fly-fishing school for 1st graders.

This is a family board, Hong. We don't want to hear about you and your tendency (to not put too fine a point on it) to hang out with first-graders. Has your church settled the case yet?

In any case, any post that's "earned" such a long line-by-line response by The Great Hong himself clearly did an EXCELLENT job in baiting, thank you very much. I especially liked all the parts where you couldn't figure out something funny to say, and so you went back to the Taking A Dump joke.

"Dump" -- wow, that's a funny word. Can I use that?

But let's get back to the real issue (if only so that this thread doesn't get closed down by already oversensitive moderators). No, it's not your lack of personal hygiene. Morrus would have to upgrade to a new server to handle all the traffic that subject would draw.

No, the REAL issue is what feat should I take? There's one vote for Toughness, one for Improved Initiative, and one for the Monkey Grip Foot Feat. What feat would you suggest, Mr. Hong? Maybe something roleplayish, like Skill Focus: Sewing. That way the DM can't accuse me of being too munchkinny.

 

[hong]

Re: Ahem.

This is a family board, Hong. We don't want to hear about you and your tendency (to not put too fine a point on it) to hang out

the washing to dry, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. You talk of this like it's a negative thing. I wouldn't want to hear about your continued obsession

with first-graders. Has your church settled the case yet?

In any case, any post that's "earned" such a long line-by-line response by The Great Hong himself clearly did an EXCELLENT job in baiting, thank you very much.

If you say so. This followup of yours is a pretty p*ss-poor effort, though.

BE! FUNNY!

I especially liked all the parts where you couldn't figure out something funny to say, and so you went back to the Taking A Dump joke.

Repetition is the key to wit.

BE! FUNNY!


See?

"Dump" -- wow, that's a funny word. Can I use that?

By all means. However, you have to insert an Open Meme License (copyright 2002, Wizards of the Coastal Views) if you do so, or be in violation of UNITED NATIONS regulations on intellectual property. And you don't want that, on pain of a visit from the black helicopters. Here's an example for your perusal:

http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&selm=8fcfduk4qjmp5hl7ml4v1g1osl4fhbbfa9@4ax.com

But let's get back to the real issue (if only so that this thread doesn't get closed down by already oversensitive moderators). No, it's not your lack of personal hygiene. Morrus would have to upgrade to a new server to handle all the traffic that subject would draw.

My hordes of adoring fans follow me wherever I go, true.

No, the REAL issue is what feat should I take? There's one vote for Toughness, one for Improved Initiative, and one for the Monkey Grip Foot Feat. What feat would you suggest, Mr. Hong? Maybe something roleplayish, like Skill Focus: Sewing. That way the DM can't accuse me of being too munchkinny.

I recommend taking a dump.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Go for the Projectile Poop feat, and then get it +4 flaming. Thus, whenever you crap, you deal 1d4+1d6 points of damage!

Hooray for Flaming Feces!

Although you may have to be half-monkey for the PP feat.

 

[hong]

Go for the Projectile Poop feat, and then get it +4 flaming. Thus, whenever you crap, you deal 1d4+1d6 points of damage!

Pfaugh. That's not a feat, that's an ingestion-activated magic item. Just pick the correct material components and away you go.


Hong "oh, the joys of flushing your XP away" Ooi

 

[Joker]

lol.

 

[Ashtal]

Forrester - don't freakin' push me.

If you have a complaint, EMAIL.

To the other folks in this thread, ignore the woman behind the curtain as she closes this attempt to rile her.