Chasing Yesterday; A Cautionary Tale

[theredrobedwizard]

Herein are the slightly adjusted exploits of a group of adventurers with whom I've grown quite fond. I'll post the cast first, then I'll semi-regularly post their exploits.

Beware, after the first part, there's a flashback that lasts for quite a while. I find it makes the narrative more entertaining; starting in the middle and all.

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

The cast of characters for this lovely adventure series.

Joithrana "Joi" Benetharas (Female Elf Archivist): Joi is the bankroll behind the group. She put this particular group together based on their differing subjects of expertise. She has a fascination with forgotten lore and the history of the world of Eberron.

Mika Groven (Female Human Rogue / Thief-Acrobat): Mika is the group's "second story resource re-allocation and re-distribution technician". Also known as "The Thief" and "That Girl That's Going to Get Us Busted by the Law Someday, I Swear". Longtime love interest of Taelor, the two have often joked about getting married after all this adventuring is done.

Jaysen Vasque (Male Human Paladin / Exorcist of the Silver Flame): Jaysen is the group's most direct defense against the forces of Evil. His unwavering faith in the Silver Flame allows him to combat evil outsiders and undead that would otherwise incapacitate the party. Jaysen also assists Raczel in healing up the group after a bit of the slash and stab.

Raczel Cladden (Female Human Cleric of the Sovereign Host / Radiant Servant of the Sovereign Host): Raczel is the group's way of staying together, in a more literal sense. She has saved the lives of everyone in the group more time than anyone cares to remember. She may not be the best at dishing out the carnage when the heat of battle is upon the group, but she's there to make sure everyone lives to fight another day.

Mykel Groven (Male Human Ranger / Fighter): Mykel is a trained hunter of Aberrations and other unnatural beasties that go bump in the night. He's also Mika's unprotective older brother, and serves as Jaysen's wingman in the melee combat department.

Taelor (Male Changeling Artificer): Taelor is the group's face; whichever type is needed. Taelor has been a burly Half-Ogre guard, a willowy Elven Noble, a gruff Human Wizard, and dozens upon dozens of other guises. He's also the group's "tech" guy. He can disable any trap you put in front of him, and more than likely turn it into something useful. If Red Green existed in Eberron, he'd look up to this man's resourcefullness. Strangely, though, no one knows what Taelor really looks like; he's always wearing someone else's face.

-----

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 1.0: The Preluding

"I've almost got it," Mika said as she tried dilligently to pick the lock impeeding the group's progress, "just a few more seconds."

"We don't have a few more seconds," Jaysen bellowed out, moving between Mika and the fullisade of arrows heading in her direction, "if you don't get that khyberspawned lock open we'll all be skewered by those natives over there."

"The prefered term is 'Umbragen', Jaysen," Joi said calmly as she jotted down notes about the natives peculiar tattoos.

"Well, I don't much care what they call themselves," the young knight retorted, "I call 'em an excuse to exercise my running-away training."

"Jaysen," came a shout from the fray, "get up here and introduce these natives to the kill-y end of your sword."

"I can't be in two places at once, Myk, and your sister needs protecting," Jaysen replied mockingly.

"Go to him," said what looked like one of the Umbragen helping Mika with the door, "we can handle things here."

"Dammit, Taelor, stop lookin' like them natives; you're creeping me out," Jaysen said as he charged headlong into the lines of battle.

"Why is it that every time I think we're making progress, you boys have to go and screw everything up," the group's healer spouted off from behind her tower shield.

"Well, we are exploring forbidden Umbragen holy sites, looking for lost artifacts of the Age of Giants," Joi calmly explained, "which is a crime with a penalty of death in most Umbragen societies."

"And you didn't think of mentioning this before," Mika exclaimed as the lock finally fell from the door, "Come on, we're in."

The group's two warriors broke from their melee and charged towards the now open door. The rest of the group was already waiting inside. As Jaysen and Mykel crossed the threshold, Taelor slammed the door shut and clipped one of his locks onto the portal.

"Just what *are* we in, anyway," Mykel asked.

"The Tomb of the last Giant King, Rugethnir," Joi answered.

"Why do I get the feeling that things just got worse," Mika quipped as she started searching the path ahead for any suprises.

----------

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 1.1: The Descent

Mika rounded a corner, all the while searching the path ahead for dangerous traps and other contraptions that may have been left for tresspassers such as her and her companions. She was filled with a sense of awe at the scale of this place. The halls were all at least 20 feet wide, and the ceilings were at least that tall. Suddenly, she threw up a hand signal and the group came to a halt.

"Taelor, there's a strange glyph on the wall ahead that seems out of place. Check it out," Mika said.

"Right," a strapping young half-elf said as he approached the glyph. He stared at it for a few moments, then began tracing around the pattern with his index finger. After a minute, he stepped back and looked at the rest of the group.

"Well, the trap is bypassed, on our way out we should reactivate it so no tomb raiders or other such vagrants set up shop here," he said.

Mika again took point, walking down the expansive hallways of the tomb. Taelor walked a few paces behind her, with the rest of the group a good twenty feet back.

"Remind me again why we can't just walk through here like normal people," Jaysen quipped as he walked beside Mykel.

"Because normal people don't walk fully armed and armored through ancient tombs filled with death traps and quite possibly zombie giants," Mykel responded sarcastically.

"Still," Jaysen replied, "we should at least let me lead. I'm the best."

"Stop saying that," Mykel replied.

"What're you gonna do, cry about it? You always were such a crybaby. Cry cry cry, all the time," Jaysen said mockingly.

"You sound just like my dad," Mykel sniped.

"Will you two both just shut up," Raczel exclaimed, "you two retards arguing could wake the dead."

"Or, more likely in our case, the Undead," Joi interrupted.

"Why is it that every time she brings up something horrible, it always happens," Jaysen asked.

"Because she's the brains, sweat-hog," Mykel replied.

Joi simply rolled her eyes at the entirety of the exchange, "Come on, we have artifacts to find."

Then, from the front of the group, came the words that everyone dreaded hearing more than anything.

"Oops. Run. NOW!" Mika yelled as she darted past the rest of the group.

Loose bricks started to fall from the ceiling, coming straight for the group. Mika managed to run out of their path, as did Mykel. Joi, Raczel, and Jaysen were soon buried beneath the torrent of stones.

"Oh crap. What do we do, what do we do, whatdowedo, whatdowedooo?" Mika squealed.

"Don't panick, I'm sure that at least one of them survived," Mykel said dourly.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the cave in, Taelor began to try and unearth his companions. After a few minutes of digging, he found Raczel's unconscious form.

"Traveller take me, I hope she's still alive," he said as he reached beneath her armor and began fishing around.

"Ah ha," he exclaimed as he pulled a wand from beneath her armored shell, "now, how do I work this thing?"

He swung the wand around a few times and tried to mutter some magic words. That didn't work. He concentrated on his connection to his deity. That didn't work either. Finally, he had the solution.

"F***ING WORK YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF CANNITH CRAFTED CRAP!" he screamed out of pure frustration.

Blue light lept from the tip of the wand, coalescing into a slight corona around Raczel. Her visible wounds began to knit together, and slowly she regained consciousness.

"Why do we keep her around if all she does is accidentally set of traps," Raczel joked as Taelor helped her up.

"Well, there's always the comic effect of a bunch of unconscious archaeologists," Taelor replied, "we should probably start digging Joi and possibly Jaysen out."

"Jaysen should be fine," Raczel said as she tossed rocks to the side, "right now I'm more worried about the fragile elf bookworm."

"You're right, I'll get her out right away," Taelor said as he unsheathed a wand from his belt and wandered towards where Joi fell. He casually pointed the wand at the rubble covering her body and began to charge it. Bright yellow light formed at the end of the wand and small crackles of energy streamed from it. After a few seconds, the ball of light turned into two beams and struck the rubble, turning it into so much ash, "now, use those magical hands of yours and make her feel better."

"Must you always make it sound sexual when I heal one of the females in the party," Raczel asked.

"Yes," Taelor said, "yes I must."

"Men," Raczel sighed.

Raczel offered up a short prayer to the Sovreigns and Joi's wounds were gone. The pair helped Joi up and went towards Jaysen's nearly lifeless body.

"Well, he's dead, we'd best move on," Taelor said jokingly as he changed forms to match Jaysen's appearance.

"Taelor!" Joi exclaimed, "we can't just leave him here to die."

Taelor shrugged and walked towards the other end of the rubble, looking for Mykel and Mika.

Raczel held her hand a few inches from Jaysen's chestplate and he was bathed in white light. The various cuts and obviously broken bones began to snap back into place, and within a few seconds, he was good as new.

Jaysen stumbled to his feet and looked around.

"Next time, I'll take point. That girl can't see half as well as Joi can fight," he said.

"Hey now, her eyes aren't that bad," Raczel quipped.

"Well, I'm sorry that I dislike violence. It tends to get so messy, and I don't want to have to keep washing other sentient's blood off my clothes," Joi replied.

"I found some stragglers," came Jaysen's voice from the other side of the rubble.

"How am I over there?" Jaysen asked confusedly.

"Wait, how am I over there," asked Doppel-Jaysen.

"Dammit, Taelor, I told you like 30 times, stop doing that, it's friggin' creepy," Jaysen yelled out.

"Mika, try to be more careful while looking for traps," Joi said, "it doesn't help matters if they're set off shortly after you find them."

"Or shortly before she finds them," laughed Mykel.

"Oh shut up," Mika said as she calmly walked back towards the head of the group, "you're just lucky I set of this relatively non-lethal trap instead of the four Power Word Kill traps we found earlier."

"There are Power Word Kill traps in this dungeon and nobody mentioned it to me?!" Jaysen exclaimed annoyedly, "We should leave."

"There are still lost treasures and lost knowledge to uncover, we aren't leaving," Joi said calmly.

"Taelor, can you at least look like somebody else," Raczel asked, "you're giving me the creeps."

"Hey now," Jaysen said, "I resemble the target of that remark."

----------

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 1.2: The Room

"We should go left," Joi said as the group approached a crossroads in the catacombs.

"Left?" Jaysen argued, "we must go right, for it goes downhill; and you know what that means."

"A better chance of having the ceiling fall on us and crush us into flatness?" Mykel quipped.

"Course not, we're going with gravity, so it'll be less work, stupid," Jaysen replied.

"Hang on," Mika said as she held up her hand in kind of a 'stop moving and talking you dorks' way, "we should go straight."

"Straight? But there's a brick wall there," Raczel replied, "I don't seem to remember packing any pickaxes or shovels."

"No no, silly cleric," Mika laughed, "it's a false wall, see?"

Mika pushed her hand against the wall, and after a few seconds, her hand slid right through the surface as though it were so much air.

"Well shut my mouth," Raczel said.

"That'd be a first," Jaysen said as he walked towards the wall.

The group walked single file through the illusionary wall until they all stood inside a large chamber. The smell was a horrible, stale, sterile smell; like that of week old bleach. As they entered, torch sconses suddenly flared to life, bathing the room in an almost eerie purplish glow.

"This doesn't look ominous at all," Mykel stated sarcastically, "nope, doesn't look like a deathtrap by any means."

"Fine, I'll check for traps," chimed the voice of his sister, "but nobody move until I've checked for sure."

"That'll take like a *thousand* hours," Taelor whined.

She shot him an angry look before she slowly paced around the room, checking for any signs of trip wires, pressure traps, or magical ouchie makers. Finding the immediate area clean, she signaled for the group to move on.

"All clear kids," Mika replied happily.

"Are you sure, or is it 'all clear' like that room where the ceiling fell on us?" Jaysen asked.

Mika let the comment brush off her shoulder and she commenced the search for loot. Joi didn't let the young 'treasure hunter' more than a few yards away from her at any given moment.

"I believe that this may be some sort of Umbragen ritual chamber," Joi said dryly as she picked up a shard of bone, "from the looks of it, the chamber hasn't been used in over 1000 years."

"Well, lets hope that the trend continues," Taelor said, his eyes scouring the room for any traps that Mika might have missed.

Meanwhile, Jaysen meandered around the edge of the room, admiring the workmanship on the stone statuary that adorned the walls. Seemed very lifelike.

A drip of water fell from the ceiling, finding its way to Joi's glasses. She looked up and saw a small crack in the roof, the obvious source of the water. A bit annoyed, she cleaned off her glasses and headed on down the chamber.

The sound of stone grinding against stone filled the chamber briefly, followed by the sound of one man screaming.

"Somebody get me down from here," Jaysen yelped as he curled his fist into a ball and began to smash his attacker in the face. He rained down blows upon his enemy, but it seemed to be a moot point.

Mykel sprung towards Jaysen and his attacker, both axes at the ready. They too began to cut at the attacking monstrosity, but seemed as equally ineffectual as Jaysen's fisticuffs.

Joi looked inquisitively at the assailant for a moment before announcing, "It's a stone golem, adamantine weapons are much more effective than those normal ones."

"Thanks for the heads up, Dr. Science, next time tell me something I don't know about; like vampires not liking the sun, or werewolves disliking silver," Jaysen yelled as he reached for his sword. The golem's grip seemed relentless, not allowing Jaysen any movement.

"Who the crap guards an empty chamber with a stone golem," Taelor asked as he rushed forward.

"Not so much *a* stone golem," Raczel observed, "there appear to be 8 of them."

The other statues grinded to life, advancing on the band of weary adventurers. Joi knew that they were no match for such an encounter. Plans began to formulate in her head, and she arrived at the most logical conclusion she could.

"RUN AWAY!" screamed the normally demure elf as she bolted for the doorway. Startled, Mika and Raczel followed suit. Mykel and Taelor stood on opposite sides of the golem that held Jaysen in its grasp. Their weapons seemed utterly useless.

"Guys, I think we might have to let Randal out of his bag," Taelor said in an uncharacteristically even tone.

"Um, won't that *hurk* get me killed?" Jaysen yelled.

"Better you than me, chief," Mykel said.

"Myk, I've got a plan," Taelor said as he unslung his bag of holding, "Get out of here. If I don't make it back, punch that guy in the head," gesturing at Jaysen.

"Gotcha," Mykel said as he withdrew from the room, leaving only Jaysen and Taelor to deal with the approaching mob of golems.

Taelor leapt up onto the golem that held Jaysen, his gauntlet glowing a brilliant red color. He raised his fist and began to punch the golem in it's carved granite teeth. Suprizingly, the tactic seemed to work on two levels. The golem let Jaysen go and small chips seemed to be falling from the golem's head.

"Open up the bag and run like Khyber's behind ya," Taelor yelled, "don't try to be the hero, it'll just get us both killed."

Jaysen reluctantly opened up the bag of holding that his changeling friend had dropped, and a spiked metal hand emerged. Jaysen ran for the doorway, passing through the illusiory wall to safety.

The metal arm gave way to a metal head and torso, and within a few seconds, an eight foot tall metal man stood outside the bag. His eyes glowed hotter than the core of a Meteor Swarm spell. He strode forward, his fibrous innards growing bulkier, forcing his plates to open up ever so slightly. The massive metal blades on his arms seemed to grow even larger as he charged the nearest golem. With a resounding *ka-chunk* Randal shouldercharged the larger combatant, throwing its passenger to the floor. Taelor landed on his side, and struggled to get up. When his feet finally found the floor underneath him, he started a dead sprint for the door.

Unluckily for Taelor, the golem noticed him. With a massive swing of its arm, the stone colossus knocked the changeling across the room, headfirst into a wall. The impact knocked the wind out of the artificer, and he lapsed into unconsciousness.

----------

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 2.1: Temple of the Sovereign Host

[One year earlier.]

"I swear, I honestly didn't mean for that to happen," the young priest said apologetically.

"Ya know," Raczel replied, "I think you did that on purpose. The arrow hit me in the calf, why were your hands under my skirt?"

"I... uh... um... it was the will of the Sovereigns?" the young man said pensively.

"And I'm the queen of the Mournlands," Raczel said, standing up and walking away from the overzealous priest. She shruged it off, seemed that every day, some guy was trying to get a little bit closer to her.

'Sometimes I wonder if I took the Vow of Chastity because of my devotions to the Host,' Raczel thought to herself, 'or as another excuse to keep guys like him away.'

She walked into the courtyard, trying to find some way to escape the drudgery of northern Breland's farming towns. She couldn't imagine anyplace else in the world could be more boring.

Looking at her feet as she walked, she came across a crumpled up piece of paper.

It read: "Healer sought for private archaeology endevour. Must possess adventurous spirit and three to five years applicable experience as a healer..."

'Well,' Raczel thought, 'I may not have all the experience required, but anything is better than staying here with Sexual Harassment Shifter over there.'

The note continued: "Interested applicants should apply in person at Morgrave University in Sharn by the 12th of Nymm. Ask for Professor Joithrana Benetharas."

"Sharn?" Raczel said with disbelief, "By Nymm 12th? That's tomorrow. How am I going to make it that far?"

"Did you say you're going to Sharn?" came a voice from behind her, "I just so happen to be going there myself, and would love your company along the way."

Raczel wheeled around, ready to punch that shifty Shifter, when she met face to face with a man in a shiny metal shirt. His black hair was kept shortly cropped, and a pair of axes hung at his waist.

"Umm... thanks, but I don't seem to have any money," Raczel said dejectedly, "Vow of Poverty and all that."

"That's okay, me and my sister just got back from rummaging through the catacombs of some Dhakaani King, and we've got money to spare," the man said, "besides, it's the honorable thing to do."

"I... uh...," Raczel stammered, "Alright, I'll go with you."

"I guess I'll just have to take the fare out in trade for your 'services'," the young man said with a wink. The wink must have gone unnoticed.

"By the Sovereigns," Raczel yelled, "if you think I'm going to have relations with you for the cost of a ticket to Sharn..."

"Relax," said a young woman who had pretty much come out of nowhere, "He's just messing around. Myk wouldn't dream of doing something like that."

Raczel let out a relieved sigh.

"Oh no, he'd much rather wait for you to be deep in your sacremental wine before taking advantage of you," the girl said before she burst out laughing.

"Mika, shut up," Myk stated bluntly.

"Ok, so we're clear," Raczel reiterated, "no hanky-panky."

"Not unless you ask me nicely," Myk said flirtatiously.

"So," Raczel asked impatiently, "when do we leave?"

"As soon as the other two members of our party show up," Mika replied.

"Yeah," Mykel continued, "a guy I grew up with back in Aundair, and some guy that Mika met at Morgrave University while she was a student there."

"You went to college?" Raczel asked mockingly, "I didn't realize they taught classes in hooliganry and second story property absconding."

"That's nine tenths of Morgrave's curriculum," Mika replied.

"Go gather your things," Mykel said, "they should be along shortly."

Raczel walked towards her dormitory and began to pack her things. When she returned, there were two others approaching her new travelling companions; a very stereotypical knight-in-shining-armor type and what appeared to be a very large half-orc barbarian.

The knight approached Mykel and gave him a manly handshake and the two began to chat. Mika smiled when she saw the burly half-orc approach her and sweep her into his arms. He sat her down before he suddenly became a dashing young human. Raczel had never met a changeling before; at least, she didn't recal meeting one. Raczel approached the group nervously.

"Oh yeah," Mykel said, "this is... umm... I didn't catch your name."

"Raczel Cladden," she said.

"Right, Raczel," Myk continued, "she's coming with us to Sharn."

"O rly?!" came a screech from behind Mykel.

"What the crap was that?" Raczel asked with a start.

"That's just Myk's owl, Orly," the knight replied, "it's an annoyance, but far less so than Taelor's old Iron Defender 'Jawesome'."

"Jawesome was a good metal dog," the changeling said, "sure, he liked to bite people, and he was moderately evil... but that's besides the point. Besides, still cooler than the Poke-Horse."

"You leave Trig out of this," the knight said defensively.

"Anyway," Mika interrupted, "this is Jaysen and Taelor."

"Pleased to meet you both," Raczel said, "so, what're you going to Sharn for?"

The group began to walk towards the Airship platform, all the while chatting amongst themselves.

"Well, Mika's former professor of 'Old and Possibly Really Old Things' is starting a freelance Archaeology business, and she invited us to tag along," Taelor said as he mimiced Raczel.

"I, uh... That's really creepy," Raczel said, "could you please not do that anymore?"

"Do what anymore?" Taelor replied.

"Nevermind," Raczel continued, "It does seem that we're going to the same place for the same purpose..."

"It must be the will of the Silver Flame," Jaysen interrupted, "for only the brilliant shining fire of the Cleansing Flame could bring us together in this hour of need."

"Hour of need? Sure, we're a little light on cash, but I'm pretty sure we could sell that shiny sword of yours and feed a city for a week," Myk said.

"Mukkalakkahinicomonyuwanaleime is not to be sold," Jaysen exclaimed, "this sword has been in my family for 400 years!"

"Jaysen," Mika said, "we found that sword two weeks ago."

"Shut it up, you," Jaysen replied annoyedly.

The group eventually reached the Airship docks and stowed their gear.

'This could be the start of a bumpy and stressing friendship,' Raczel thought.

----------

-TRRW

 

[Mahtave]

I like it so far! The idea of a changling in the party should make for some decent storytelling - especially when he is a wizard to boot. Anxiously waiting for the next installment.

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 2.2: Sailing, Sailing, Over the Briney Skies

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," muttered Jaysen as he hung his head over the side of the airship.

"Jaysen," came a call from behind him, "if you aren't careful you'll fall off of there."

"Maybe I want to, it would end my eternal torment," he said morbidly as he stared off the side of the ship.

"Almost everyone gets airsick their first ride, it's nothing to want to kill yourself over," Raczel continued.

"This is the worst feeling ever. My guts are rebelling, I've got wicked cramps, and I'm very emotional; you have no idea what this is like," Jaysen stammered as he began to heave again.

"Yes, us ladies have no idea what that's like," said Mika as she approached.

"This is different. This is new to me, and therefore scary," replied the sickened paladin.

"I thought you couldn't be scared," Mykel quipped as passed them.

"Shut up and let me die already," Jaysen muttered as he lay his head down on the railing.

"You should probably leave the poor boy alone," said a roguish halfling in a pirate outfit, "he's obviously got a weak intestinal fortitude and can't stand a leisurly ride through the sky."

"Who asked you, Shorty McShortshort?" Jaysen said annoyedly.

"Oh, that was me, sorry about that," Raczel replied, "he just looked like he'd be knowledgeable about such things."

"The only way to get rid of sea sickness," the halfling continued, "is to eat the skin off a Karnnathi Hedge Apple."

"But aren't those made of baby souls or grandma skin or something," Jaysen asked worriedly.

"Oh no, they're actually quite tasty," the halfling corrected, "here, try a bite."

The small privateer held out his hand and gave Jaysen a mangled piece of green and red material. There were small spines and blotches covering it. Jaysen gulped as he looked down at it.

"Well, it can't possibly hurt any more than this. Bottoms up," Jaysen said as he downed the rind. He chewed for a moment, then swallowed with the most disgusted look on his face any in his party had ever seen.

"Hey, I do feel better. Thanks little captain guy," Jaysen said as he walked away from the railing and began to mingle through the crowd.

Mykel turned to the halfling and asked, "so, what was that, anyway?"

"Nothing but every day, garden variety troll anus," the halfling laughed as he took up a seat on the railing.

"Troll anus? Is that really a cure for nausea?" Raczel asked.

"Pfft. No, it's more likely a cause of nausea than anything else. I just wanted to see if he'd eat it," the halfing said as he hopped down. His form blurred for a moment, and standing in his place was a copy of Jaysen in pirate gear.

"Yarr, I be a paladin, yo ho," he said as he wandered into the crowd.

"Your boyfriend is strange," Mykel said to Mika as the Pirate Jaysen 'accidentally' knocked over a crew member.

"Nah, he's 'special', like a half-orc with brain damage... only more funny, and less able to hurt people," Mika replied with a slight laugh.

Suddenly, an armor clad figure rushed towards the group, flailing his arms wildly as he closed the distance.

"Make way, *hurk*, coming through," exclaimed the armored man as he slammed bodily into the railing. A loud wretching noise could be heard throughout the deck of the boat.

"That stuff the pirate gave me didn't help at all. In fact, I think it made me more sick," Jaysen said as he collapsed onto the deck.

"Yeah, about that," Mykel said, "it wasn't Karnnathi Hedge Apple peel. It was Troll anus."

"Troll anus? What kind of mean spirited and evil person would give me such a thing," Jaysen asked vehemently.

"This kind," came a voice from beside him.

"Flaming shapechanger on a spit, you spiteful changeling bastard," Jaysen said as he looked up into his own face.

"It's your fault you know," Taelor laughed, "you shouldn't have taken away all my 'evidence'."

"Renderings of Pontiff Jaela as she bathed are *not* 'evidence' of any kind," Jaysen insisted.

"He had renderings of a 13 year old girl naked?" Raczel said, shocked and appauled.

"To be fair, the age of consent in Thrane is 13; and I'm only 9," Taelor said as he changed into the form of a preteen boy with Thranish features.

"You're an adult AND a pervert," Jaysen said, "I'm glad I destroyed those."

"First of all, he only had them so he could sell them to Cardinal Krozen; that dirty old pervert," Mika replied, "and secondly, they were fakes."

"Don't call the second in command of my religion a pervert," Jaysen exclaimed, "he's a good man."

"Good... at fondling 12 year old boys in the auspices of 'religious ceremonies'," Taelor replied, "like that one that you told me about."

"The Cardinal didn't molest me at Paladin Camp, Taelor. You're a lying liar for saying such things," Jaysen said with a rather angry look upon his face.

"Anyway," Raczel said, changing the subject quickly, "Sharn's just up ahead, we'll probably be getting off soon."

"Not unless there's little boys around, because I like little boys," screamed a very strangely dressed Jaysen.

"Dammit all," said a more paladinly dressed Jaysen as he hid his face in shame, "Just because I'm a paladin doesn't mean I'm a pedophile."

"If you aren't," Mika said, "why are you over there hitting on little boys?"

"I'm going to stomp on that changeling," Jaysen said angrily.

----------

-TRRW

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 2.3: Sharn, City of Towers and also Hookers.

The airship shuddered as it finally reached its destination, the main airship hub of the largest city on all Khorvaire. Sharn sprawled out below, above, and on all sides of the massive spire. Those passengers who'd never been to the city before felt a definite sense of vertigo as they traversed the walkway to the tower. Jaysen sprinted down the ramp and fell to his knees as he made it onto the tower.

"Sweet flaming Tira Miron," Jaysen yelled joyously, "I thought that trial would never end!"

"Trial," Myk asked, "what trial?"

"That horrendous airship ride," Jaysen replied.

"That was one of the smoothest airship rides we've ever taken," Mika said, "there weren't even any raiders or crazed warforged this time."

"Or crazed warforged raiders," Taelor laughed as he mirrored Mika.

Mika raised an eyebrow at the changeling.

"What? You never wanted to make out with yourself," Doppel-Mika inquired, "not even a little bit?"

"No, not once, ever," Mika replied sternly.

"Not to be rude," the group's newest addition interrupted, "but where is Morgrave University from here?"

"Up and to the west," Myk answered.

"Up? But we're already so far from the ground," Raczel said, "Heck, I can't even tell where the ground is."

"You'll have that," Taelor quipped as he sauntered towards the baggage claim.

The lot of them joined the artificer at the cargo unloading area, totally oblivious to the riot about to break out behind them.

The sound of flesh being seared and screams of pain reached Mykel's trained ears. His hands went instinctively for his belt and drew his axes.

"Trouble over by the food court," Myk said as he sprinted towards the source of conflict.

Jayson dropped his bag, drew his sword and followed Myk to the disturbance. Taelor followed suit, drawing a wand from his belt.

"Should we follow them," Raczel asked.

"Nah," Mika said with a giggle, "they'll be able to handle it. Just make sure to have a prayer to the Sovereigns ready in case they come back in more pieces than they left in."

"Right," Raczel said nervously.

The three rounded the corner to the food court, startled to come across a five men pummelling a young changeling girl. Jaysen went into paladin mode and yelled out to the gathered crowd.

"Cease your violence," he bellowed, "what has this girl done to deserve such a thing?"

The strongest of the men turned and faced Jaysen. He stood a head and a half taller than the paladin. The man's eyes burned with hatred, a charred spot was appearant on his face.

"She is a demon binder. She has made a pact with one of the devils of the north, drawing from its unholy power to bring about the ruin of Breland," the man answered, his voice filled with rage.

"You missed the part where you assumed that I was a prostitute because I'm a changeling," the girl screamed, "and how you tried to kill me when I wouldn't give in to your advances. I know I'm a hottie, but I'm only 13 sicko!"

"Watch your tongue, wench, or I'll cut it out of your unholy head," the man commanded.

The changeling girl looked upon the faces of those who interposed on her behalf. The man in shining armor, his twin, and the woodsman. The knight's twin looked confusedly at her for a moment then spoke.

"Cayla," Taelor stammered, "is that you?"

The girl looked at him again as he switched forms to that of a brutish half orc.

"Taelor?" the girl replied.

Taelor looked at his companions then at the men surrounding the changeling girl.

"You'd better step back you inbred retards," Taelor threatened, "or you'll all end up as piles of ash."

"You and what army," the leader laughed.

"This one," Taelor said as he pulled back his overcoat, exposing a slew of wands of varying hues and sizes, "now, back away and I'll only turn you over to the law."

The thugs stared down the half-orc in artificer's clothing and laughed.

"Those things aren't real," one said, "Baron d'Cannith doesn't even carry that many wands."

"Most of them might be fake, but this one isn't," Taelor said, brandishing a wand in his left hand, "lay one hand on her again and you'll wish that the Keeper already took you."

The thugs called his bluff. Their leader lifted a foot and brought it crashing down on Cayla's head. In that moment, Taelor snapped.

 

[theredrobedwizard]

Chapter 2.4: Morgrave University

"That was some fight," Jaysen said as he absent-mindedly wiped some stray blood spatter from his breastplate.

"I can't believe you did all that," Myk continued, "with only a gauntlet and a few improvised weapons."

"That thing with the trays and the fruit stand; inspired," Mika said, "that was definetly a fight that they'll be talking about in Sharn for years to come."

"To think, I almost missed it," Raczel said, "but you brought the action all the way over to where Mika and I were. That was thoughtful."

"Thoughtful nothing," Taelor interjected, "that was dumb luck."

"Either way," Jaysen said, "I think I speak for everyone here when I say that was the most exciting fight I've ever seen."

"Where'd your sister disappear to, anyway," Raczel asked.

"After you healed her up, she went back to my apartment," Taelor replied, "she's keeping watch over it while we're on this little adventure."

Mika stopped for a moment and looked around.

"Ok, this way," the rogue said as she trotted off.

The group quickened their pace and crossed the common area of the University as students milled about them. None of the pupils even batted an eyelash at the presence of heavily armed and blood spattered adventurers wandering through the grounds.

The group's progress came to a screeching halt outside a heavy wooden door.

"We're here," Mika said as she pushed the door open.

"... and thus concludes today's lesson on the anatomy of the Aberration," said a demure elf standing infront of an eviscerated orb of flesh.

"Professor," came a voice from the back, "one of the eyestalks is twitching."

Screams washed over the gathered students in the lecture hall. The professor stepped away, clutching her scalpel in a defensive manner. A whooshing sound flew from the back of the room, followed by a metallic thunk as the creature's eyestalk was severed by a very sharp axe. The students hushed immediately as the group made its way down the stairs to the lecturn.

"Class dismissed," the professor said as she set her scalpel down on the table.

"Professor," Mika said happily, "good to see you again."

"You as well Ms. Groven," the elf replied, "who're these rabble you've brought with you?"

"We aren't rabble," Jaysen said with a miffed tone, "we're her friends."

"Either way," the professor said, "what brings you back?"

"We're answering your advertisment for an archaeological expedition," Raczel spoke up from the back.

"Ah," the professor answered.

"I guess introductions are in order," Mika said, "this is Joithrana Benetharas; Professor of Anatomy, Archaeology, and Mrorish Poetry."

"What a bizarre triple specialization," said a mirror image of the professor, "why'd they pick you to head up the Mrorish Poety department?"

"Do my ears really look like that," Joi asked absentmindedly, "Who are your friends, Ms. Groven?"

"That's my brother Myk, his friend Jaysen, and this is Raczel; we just met her in Wroat," Mika replied, "and I believe you know Taelor."

"How could I forget him after the stunt he pulled in my 'Pre-Galifarian Anthropology' class," Joi said irately, "the founders of the Dragonmarked Houses were *not* inbred yokels who snogged their siblings."

"To be fair," Taelor replied, "the song and dance number I put together said that they buggered their cousins, not snogged their siblings."

"Either way, it's a wonder you have the courage to set foot back here after the administration kicked you out for attacking that exchange student," Joi continued.

"He was asking for it, trying steal my eternal soul and use it to make a bargain with a Rakshasa," Taelor interrupted.

"Well, to be fair, he *was* possessed at the time," Mika said.

"That's no excuse," Taelor said, "he was voluntarily possessed to get higher marks in 'Pact Magic: 201'."

"Just drop it, we've got work to do," Joi said sternly as she handed a piece of parchment to Mika, "here's a list of tasks for each of you."

"Raczel, you're on rations; Myk, you're getting maps; Jaysen, you're on transport; I'm on weapons and armor detail," Mika said.

"What about me," Taelor asked.

"The list says you're supposed to, and I quote, 'not do anything to jeopardise the mission or get us into any other trouble before we leave'," Mika said with a giggle.

"Where's the fun in that," Taelor said dejectedly.

"You could always help me clean up the Aberration corpse," Joi said.

"That's ok, I think I'll just go get some more wands," Taelor quipped, "where're we going on this little trip, anyway?"

"We're heading to the Mournlands," Joi said absentmindedly, "I'm looking to recover some of the historical books in Metrol's library that were left behind after it was evacuated."

"Mockery's genitals," Taelor cursed, "you couldn't have picked a more dangerous place for a first expedition, could you?"

"Well, it was either this or a trip to Q'barra," Joi replied.

"What kind of morons would voluntarily go to that Defiler's playground," Raczel asked.

"Where do you think we're going when we get back from Metrol," the professor mentioned as she walked into her office to gather her supplies.

"What in the name of all that's good and decent have I gotten myself into," Raczel wondered aloud.

"The greatest adventure you'll ever experience," Jaysen said, "I had a vision during my test at the Cathedral of the Silver Flame that my friends and two strange women would save the world."

"Oh... well then... no pressure," Raczel said nervously as the lot of them left the lecture hall and set out to their assigned tasks.

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-TRRW