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Story Hour
Chasing Yesterday; A Cautionary Tale
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<blockquote data-quote="theredrobedwizard" data-source="post: 3212103" data-attributes="member: 21340"><p><strong>Chapter 2.2: Sailing, Sailing, Over the Briney Skies</strong></p><p></p><p>"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," muttered Jaysen as he hung his head over the side of the airship. </p><p></p><p>"Jaysen," came a call from behind him, "if you aren't careful you'll fall off of there."</p><p></p><p>"Maybe I want to, it would end my eternal torment," he said morbidly as he stared off the side of the ship.</p><p></p><p>"Almost everyone gets airsick their first ride, it's nothing to want to kill yourself over," Raczel continued.</p><p></p><p>"This is the worst feeling ever. My guts are rebelling, I've got wicked cramps, and I'm very emotional; you have no idea what this is like," Jaysen stammered as he began to heave again.</p><p></p><p>"Yes, us ladies have no idea what that's like," said Mika as she approached.</p><p></p><p>"This is different. This is new to me, and therefore scary," replied the sickened paladin.</p><p></p><p>"I thought you couldn't be scared," Mykel quipped as passed them.</p><p></p><p>"Shut up and let me die already," Jaysen muttered as he lay his head down on the railing.</p><p></p><p>"You should probably leave the poor boy alone," said a roguish halfling in a pirate outfit, "he's obviously got a weak intestinal fortitude and can't stand a leisurly ride through the sky."</p><p></p><p>"Who asked you, Shorty McShortshort?" Jaysen said annoyedly.</p><p></p><p>"Oh, that was me, sorry about that," Raczel replied, "he just looked like he'd be knowledgeable about such things."</p><p></p><p>"The only way to get rid of sea sickness," the halfling continued, "is to eat the skin off a Karnnathi Hedge Apple."</p><p></p><p>"But aren't those made of baby souls or grandma skin or something," Jaysen asked worriedly.</p><p></p><p>"Oh no, they're actually quite tasty," the halfling corrected, "here, try a bite."</p><p></p><p>The small privateer held out his hand and gave Jaysen a mangled piece of green and red material. There were small spines and blotches covering it. Jaysen gulped as he looked down at it.</p><p></p><p>"Well, it can't possibly hurt any more than this. Bottoms up," Jaysen said as he downed the rind. He chewed for a moment, then swallowed with the most disgusted look on his face any in his party had ever seen.</p><p></p><p>"Hey, I do feel better. Thanks little captain guy," Jaysen said as he walked away from the railing and began to mingle through the crowd.</p><p></p><p>Mykel turned to the halfling and asked, "so, what was that, anyway?"</p><p></p><p>"Nothing but every day, garden variety troll anus," the halfling laughed as he took up a seat on the railing.</p><p></p><p>"Troll anus? Is that really a cure for nausea?" Raczel asked.</p><p></p><p>"Pfft. No, it's more likely a cause of nausea than anything else. I just wanted to see if he'd eat it," the halfing said as he hopped down. His form blurred for a moment, and standing in his place was a copy of Jaysen in pirate gear.</p><p></p><p>"Yarr, I be a paladin, yo ho," he said as he wandered into the crowd.</p><p></p><p>"Your boyfriend is strange," Mykel said to Mika as the Pirate Jaysen 'accidentally' knocked over a crew member.</p><p></p><p>"Nah, he's 'special', like a half-orc with brain damage... only more funny, and less able to hurt people," Mika replied with a slight laugh.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly, an armor clad figure rushed towards the group, flailing his arms wildly as he closed the distance.</p><p></p><p>"Make way, *hurk*, coming through," exclaimed the armored man as he slammed bodily into the railing. A loud wretching noise could be heard throughout the deck of the boat.</p><p></p><p>"That stuff the pirate gave me didn't help at all. In fact, I think it made me more sick," Jaysen said as he collapsed onto the deck.</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, about that," Mykel said, "it wasn't Karnnathi Hedge Apple peel. It was Troll anus."</p><p></p><p>"Troll anus? What kind of mean spirited and evil person would give me such a thing," Jaysen asked vehemently.</p><p></p><p>"This kind," came a voice from beside him.</p><p></p><p>"Flaming shapechanger on a spit, you spiteful changeling bastard," Jaysen said as he looked up into his own face.</p><p></p><p>"It's your fault you know," Taelor laughed, "you shouldn't have taken away all my 'evidence'."</p><p></p><p>"Renderings of Pontiff Jaela as she bathed are *not* 'evidence' of any kind," Jaysen insisted.</p><p></p><p>"He had renderings of a 13 year old girl naked?" Raczel said, shocked and appauled.</p><p></p><p>"To be fair, the age of consent in Thrane is 13; and I'm only 9," Taelor said as he changed into the form of a preteen boy with Thranish features.</p><p></p><p>"You're an adult AND a pervert," Jaysen said, "I'm glad I destroyed those."</p><p></p><p>"First of all, he only had them so he could sell them to Cardinal Krozen; that dirty old pervert," Mika replied, "and secondly, they were fakes."</p><p></p><p>"Don't call the second in command of my religion a pervert," Jaysen exclaimed, "he's a good man."</p><p></p><p>"Good... at fondling 12 year old boys in the auspices of 'religious ceremonies'," Taelor replied, "like that one that you told me about."</p><p></p><p>"The Cardinal didn't molest me at Paladin Camp, Taelor. You're a lying liar for saying such things," Jaysen said with a rather angry look upon his face.</p><p></p><p>"Anyway," Raczel said, changing the subject quickly, "Sharn's just up ahead, we'll probably be getting off soon."</p><p></p><p>"Not unless there's little boys around, because I like little boys," screamed a very strangely dressed Jaysen.</p><p></p><p>"Dammit all," said a more paladinly dressed Jaysen as he hid his face in shame, "Just because I'm a paladin doesn't mean I'm a pedophile."</p><p></p><p>"If you aren't," Mika said, "why are you over there hitting on little boys?"</p><p></p><p>"I'm going to stomp on that changeling," Jaysen said angrily.</p><p></p><p>----------</p><p></p><p>-TRRW</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="theredrobedwizard, post: 3212103, member: 21340"] [b]Chapter 2.2: Sailing, Sailing, Over the Briney Skies[/b] "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," muttered Jaysen as he hung his head over the side of the airship. "Jaysen," came a call from behind him, "if you aren't careful you'll fall off of there." "Maybe I want to, it would end my eternal torment," he said morbidly as he stared off the side of the ship. "Almost everyone gets airsick their first ride, it's nothing to want to kill yourself over," Raczel continued. "This is the worst feeling ever. My guts are rebelling, I've got wicked cramps, and I'm very emotional; you have no idea what this is like," Jaysen stammered as he began to heave again. "Yes, us ladies have no idea what that's like," said Mika as she approached. "This is different. This is new to me, and therefore scary," replied the sickened paladin. "I thought you couldn't be scared," Mykel quipped as passed them. "Shut up and let me die already," Jaysen muttered as he lay his head down on the railing. "You should probably leave the poor boy alone," said a roguish halfling in a pirate outfit, "he's obviously got a weak intestinal fortitude and can't stand a leisurly ride through the sky." "Who asked you, Shorty McShortshort?" Jaysen said annoyedly. "Oh, that was me, sorry about that," Raczel replied, "he just looked like he'd be knowledgeable about such things." "The only way to get rid of sea sickness," the halfling continued, "is to eat the skin off a Karnnathi Hedge Apple." "But aren't those made of baby souls or grandma skin or something," Jaysen asked worriedly. "Oh no, they're actually quite tasty," the halfling corrected, "here, try a bite." The small privateer held out his hand and gave Jaysen a mangled piece of green and red material. There were small spines and blotches covering it. Jaysen gulped as he looked down at it. "Well, it can't possibly hurt any more than this. Bottoms up," Jaysen said as he downed the rind. He chewed for a moment, then swallowed with the most disgusted look on his face any in his party had ever seen. "Hey, I do feel better. Thanks little captain guy," Jaysen said as he walked away from the railing and began to mingle through the crowd. Mykel turned to the halfling and asked, "so, what was that, anyway?" "Nothing but every day, garden variety troll anus," the halfling laughed as he took up a seat on the railing. "Troll anus? Is that really a cure for nausea?" Raczel asked. "Pfft. No, it's more likely a cause of nausea than anything else. I just wanted to see if he'd eat it," the halfing said as he hopped down. His form blurred for a moment, and standing in his place was a copy of Jaysen in pirate gear. "Yarr, I be a paladin, yo ho," he said as he wandered into the crowd. "Your boyfriend is strange," Mykel said to Mika as the Pirate Jaysen 'accidentally' knocked over a crew member. "Nah, he's 'special', like a half-orc with brain damage... only more funny, and less able to hurt people," Mika replied with a slight laugh. Suddenly, an armor clad figure rushed towards the group, flailing his arms wildly as he closed the distance. "Make way, *hurk*, coming through," exclaimed the armored man as he slammed bodily into the railing. A loud wretching noise could be heard throughout the deck of the boat. "That stuff the pirate gave me didn't help at all. In fact, I think it made me more sick," Jaysen said as he collapsed onto the deck. "Yeah, about that," Mykel said, "it wasn't Karnnathi Hedge Apple peel. It was Troll anus." "Troll anus? What kind of mean spirited and evil person would give me such a thing," Jaysen asked vehemently. "This kind," came a voice from beside him. "Flaming shapechanger on a spit, you spiteful changeling bastard," Jaysen said as he looked up into his own face. "It's your fault you know," Taelor laughed, "you shouldn't have taken away all my 'evidence'." "Renderings of Pontiff Jaela as she bathed are *not* 'evidence' of any kind," Jaysen insisted. "He had renderings of a 13 year old girl naked?" Raczel said, shocked and appauled. "To be fair, the age of consent in Thrane is 13; and I'm only 9," Taelor said as he changed into the form of a preteen boy with Thranish features. "You're an adult AND a pervert," Jaysen said, "I'm glad I destroyed those." "First of all, he only had them so he could sell them to Cardinal Krozen; that dirty old pervert," Mika replied, "and secondly, they were fakes." "Don't call the second in command of my religion a pervert," Jaysen exclaimed, "he's a good man." "Good... at fondling 12 year old boys in the auspices of 'religious ceremonies'," Taelor replied, "like that one that you told me about." "The Cardinal didn't molest me at Paladin Camp, Taelor. You're a lying liar for saying such things," Jaysen said with a rather angry look upon his face. "Anyway," Raczel said, changing the subject quickly, "Sharn's just up ahead, we'll probably be getting off soon." "Not unless there's little boys around, because I like little boys," screamed a very strangely dressed Jaysen. "Dammit all," said a more paladinly dressed Jaysen as he hid his face in shame, "Just because I'm a paladin doesn't mean I'm a pedophile." "If you aren't," Mika said, "why are you over there hitting on little boys?" "I'm going to stomp on that changeling," Jaysen said angrily. ---------- -TRRW [/QUOTE]
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