CHEESY D&D JOKE OF THE DAY

[Zansy]

A druid, a fighter and a bard procured a ring of three wishes from their latest dungeon crawl. And after much arguing agreed they would use it to each get a magic item. The druid wished for a powerful staff, the fighter wished her greatsword to have stronger magic, and the bard whispered his wish to the ring and got a sweet apparatus of the crab. When everyone asked why he got such a lame magic item, he told them "well I actually wanted to ascend as a god of poetic justice, but the DM said I get this thing because my wish was too lawful."

 

[Rune]

What's the perfect gift for an aboleth?


I ask out of curiosity, of course. Nothing to be suspicious of, here. I'm certainly not a brainwashed slave carrying out any part in a secret aboleth scheme.

And, frankly, I resent the implication!

 

[Zansy]

What does the halfling rogue wear on stealth missions?
–Sneakers!

What does the dwarf rogue wear on stealth missions?
–Medium armor, because now he can!

What does the monk wear on stealth missions?
–monks don't DO stealth missions; they always come back empty-handed!

 

[Rune]

What does a barbarian wear on stealth missions?


Rogues' severed heads.

 

[Zansy]

What does the Druid wear on stealth missions?
—evergreens.

 

[Rune]

What does an illusionist wear on stealth missions?


It doesn't matter.

 

[Rune]

What does a paladin wear on stealth missions?


Full plate.

 

[Dioltach]

A doctor is treating a patient and need to give him an innoculation. However, the needle doesn't penetrate his skin. The doctor tries a second time, and again the needle doesn't penetrate the patient's skin. The third time he tries, the needle snaps in two.

"Listen," the doctor says to his patient, "I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to give you your jab. Any idea why that is?"
"Ah yes," says the patient. "You'll need a bigger needle. I'm a 7th level barbarian."

 

[Zansy]

What does the fighter wear on stealth missions?
—Who cares when they have a big sharp weapon to convince enemies that they saw nothin'?

 

[Rune]

What does a ninja wear on a stealth mission?


Nobody knows.