D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Shasarak]

So, I don't entirely blame his gaming attitude on him. He was taught it by the people at our Living Forgotten Realms tables. Though, the rest of the people I know relax that attitude when we switch to home games because it is a different atmosphere. Also, they take it a little bit less seriously. If someone with a CHA of 8 talks to an NPC and rolls a 9 when a 10 was needed to get a magic item in the adventure, they'll be disappointed and probably even say "Why did you do that? Don't do that again!" but the guy in question will spend the next year in a backlash against anyone who even thinks about opening their mouth without an 18 CHA. If someone does, he'll sulk for the next 30 minutes of the game.

I think I would have fun with this guy at the table - he would be sulking the whole game

 

[JamesonCourage]

Yes, that's fine. But what you, personally, do is kind of aside the point, isn't it? I mean, unless *you* are the girlfriend, and have been keeping that secret from us...

*discreetly exits thread...*


(But in all seriousness, I was going off-topic to begin with, so I'm okay with not derailing it further.)

 

[Celtavian]

Smells strongly of low self-esteem, to me.

A gamer with confidence issues when it comes to women. Unbelievable. I've never heard of such a thing before.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

A gamer with confidence issues when it comes to women. Unbelievable. I've never heard of such a thing before.

Um, I think you misread that. The person referred to by me was the GF.

Her actions to please Mr. Tantrum do not speak of a strong sense of self esteem.

 

[Nellisir]

Um, I think you misread that. The person referred to by me was the GF.

Her actions to please Mr. Tantrum do not speak of a strong sense of self esteem.

Actually, the statement still kinda works, excepts it's "a woman" instead of "women". The woman being herself. :/

 

[Celtavian]

Um, I think you misread that. The person referred to by me was the GF.

Her actions to please Mr. Tantrum do not speak of a strong sense of self esteem.

A woman with self-esteem issues choosing mates poorly. Unbelievable. I've never heard of such thing.

That fits better now.

 

[ExploderWizard]

He once yelled at one of our friends(the one that was at the table with them when he stormed off), lecturing them because their character has the highest charisma in the party and they weren't the one talking to the NPCs. The woman in question is VERY shy and her characters tend to not want to interact with anyone. But she was playing a Warlock so she had a high Charisma and part way through the game he said "You know, it's your JOB to talk to the NPCs, right? You have a high Charisma and therefore have the best bonus in the party so YOU need to be the one talking to every NPCs we come across. I'm doing all the talking and I'm failing rolls because my character isn't as good as yours is. That's not right. We're likely missing out on things in this adventure because we aren't rolling high enough! So, you need to start taking charge and playing the game properly."

If he tried that crap at MY table there would be ONE warning to knock it off or he goes bye-bye. Being a tad annoying to the DM is one thing, berating other players and telling them how to play their characters is another. That shouldn't fly at any game, home or organized.

I'm not entirely sure about this one. I've also met quite a few players over the years in Organized Play. Most D&D players ARE fine, I agree, but there are quite a few bad apples as well. Especially in OP where just being slightly annoying isn't against any rules and therefore the DM has to tolerate it. I certainly couldn't see myself ever telling Dave Christ when DMing at GenCon that I kicked someone out of my table who paid money to be there simply because he was annoying.

I DM for fun. I don't HAVE to tolerate anything that ruins a good time for myself or other players. Jerks can only keep playing so long as there are suckers who believe that they have no choice but to include them.

So he was taught early that completing the adventure was the number one priority in D&D. You want to get to the end. That means being the best at combat so that you can defeat all the challenges since they will all be very hard. It means maximizing the skills that get asked for the most often. It means not talking to an NPC unless you have the highest social skills in the party because the DM might ask you to roll them if you speak. And succeeding in that roll might make the difference between finding a magic item in the adventure or getting a bunch of bonus XP.

I love Organized Play but it can bring out the worst in some gamers. My roommate can sometimes get very angry at people for not following the "unspoken rules" of the game. Like: "All players have to take their share of the damage. Anyone hiding in the back and refusing to ever get hit is not contributing and deserves to die. After all, they are letting everyone else take the damage for them...so they are letting you die."

So, I don't entirely blame his gaming attitude on him. He was taught it by the people at our Living Forgotten Realms tables. Though, the rest of the people I know relax that attitude when we switch to home games because it is a different atmosphere. Also, they take it a little bit less seriously. If someone with a CHA of 8 talks to an NPC and rolls a 9 when a 10 was needed to get a magic item in the adventure, they'll be disappointed and probably even say "Why did you do that? Don't do that again!" but the guy in question will spend the next year in a backlash against anyone who even thinks about opening their mouth without an 18 CHA. If someone does, he'll sulk for the next 30 minutes of the game.

You SHOULD blame his attitude on him. Organized play or not, being rude to other players is HIS fault. Organized play cannot be blamed for a general lack of common courtesy.

 

[billd91]

You SHOULD blame his attitude on him. Organized play or not, being rude to other players is HIS fault. Organized play cannot be blamed for a general lack of common courtesy.

I agree with that, however, it is true that there are a substantial number of players at the OP level who are like that. Life would be easier if we could just segregate those players off to their own table...

 

[The Grassy Gnoll]

Rona Jaffe should've written Tantrums and Trolls, used this thread as the basis of the story.
Would've scared off way more people than any satanic panic. "Did you hear about Bob? Started playing D&D and now he's an ***hole" "Oh my god!" "I know, right?"

 

[77IM]

Often when people are upset and argumentative it's because they feel they are not being heard. Everybody wants to be listened to; it's a form of validation and shows respect.

When I DM, my rule is: No arguments; but you always get a chance to state your case, once.

So if a player disagrees with the DM, great! I want to know about that! Let's pause the game, and let that person explain what they think I should do differently. And then I'll think about it, and maybe ask questions or solicit the other players for advice, or think out loud about the options. And then I decide.

The decision is final. We can talk more about it later, but we don't argue back-and-forth during the game.

This procedure helps ensure that I am listening to the players and not being a "my way or the highway" tyrant DM, while also cutting down on arguments. Once players know I'm listening they often don't feel the urgent need to argue any more, either. I've cut short many gaming tantrums (I have "that guy" in my group, too) by simply uttering the phrase, "You're right, I should have done that differently. I'll do it better next time."