Death -- a religious institution?

[Dannyalcatraz]

You know, artificial diamonds mainly require a source of carbon- virtually any old source will do. Most have a blue color to them.

I've discussed having my parents made into a stud & cufflink set. Maybe a ring, too. I'll be able to wear them to their own services.

 

[delericho]

Most faith institutions will not extend their services- matrimonial or funeral- to those outside the faith. Why should they?

I've probably fallen foul of different cultural assumptions here - over here the Church of Scotland ministers officially serve the parish, not just those people who happen to attend. Which has the odd effect that it's not uncommon for them to do funerals (and, less often, weddings) for people they barely know.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

If you're the only game in town, you probably do accommodate just about everyone. The most common places I've seen fairly universal coverage in the USA is in hospital chapels and in chapels located on military bases.

Also, let's be clear about the definition of "parish".* Over here, the usual church definition of "parish" is a geographical area in which all members of the faith are served by a particular church. You don't necessarily have to be a regular churchgoer to be counted, they'll also include those who are occasional attendees. They will also accommodate out-of-towers if at least one of the persons involved is also a fellow believer. And sometimes, they check. But you probably should be registered if you want to avail yourself of their services.

And I'm pretty sure that's not a uniquely American attitude. I've seen the same position struck by clergymen in UK fiction more than once. While they could just be making it up for the show, somehow, I don't think so.






* BTW, in Louisiana, the word is ALSO used as a synonym for "county"

 

[delericho]

If you're the only game in town, you probably do accommodate just about everyone.

True, that. Officially, at least, the Church of Scotland is still the national church here.

Also, let's be clear about the definition of "parish".* Over here, the usual church definition of "parish" is a geographical area in which all members of the faith are served by a particular church.

Yep, same here.

(I'm also aware of the parish=county definition - as Morrus has noted elsewhere, some of the blending is to do with the evolution of our society and church side-by-side, such that they're somewhat entwined. That said, we very rarely use 'county' here, and I've only ever seen 'parish' used in a church context - both largely having fallen out of general use.)

You don't necessarily have to be a regular churchgoer to be counted, they'll also include those who are occasional attendees.

That's perhaps slightly different - as far as I'm aware the CoS definition includes all the people who live in the area, whether they attend or not.

And I'm pretty sure that's not a uniquely American attitude. I've seen the same position struck by clergymen in UK fiction more than once.

Hmm... it's possible that that "national church" thing is at play, too. It also doesn't help that my perspective is as in insider looking out, so I don't have the experience of someone outside the church who finds themselves looking for a minister for a wedding/funeral.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Even though I'm not actually in the business, I'm in a bit of a rare position in terms of having access to info in this area:

1) even though I don't hold any position in my church, my mom volunteers for the choir leader and I sometimes assist her, so I'm often privy to discussions about booking the church for weddings & funerals.

2) my paternal family owns a mortuary in New Orleans, and I've had the privilege of being a in the room when business decisions were being made...not that my opionon mattered.

3) I have other friends & family in the biz- shop gets talked.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Sheer coincidence- just stumbled on this article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-...marr_b_7688696.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

 

[Jhaelen]

If you are not a religious person, will your funeral be completely devoid of religious trappings? Have you, and should you, explain to your family that you want a non-religious funeral?

Yes, and yes. I left church right after my confirmation (I didn't leave earlier to cash in on the gifts from my relatives). Interestingly, my father who was still a church member when he died, also didn't want a religious funeral. I'm quite sure he just never left church because he feared the slander. Now he's buried in the anonymous field which is what I want for me, too.

I'm of much the same mind on the matter. Spend as little money as possible to dispose of what's left

I agree. Actually, when my father died we inquired about the option of a tree grave ('Friedwald'), but it's way too expensive! It costs a lot more than a regular burial/grave.

And at least here in Germany it's currently illegal to dispose of a corpse (or it's ashes) just anywhere you like.

 

[Dioltach]

If you are not a religious person, will your funeral be completely devoid of religious trappings? Have you, and should you, explain to your family that you want a non-religious funeral?

Regardless of how I feel right now, I'm pretty sure that when the time comes I'd rather not risk being wrong and annoying a higher being.

Actually, I've always felt that religious belief is something that should be kept on the inside and not shared with others. My funeral should either be a comfort for my family, or a celebration. Any other details should be for them to decide.

 

[Bullgrit]

Most faith institutions will not extend their services- matrimonial or funeral- to those outside the faith. Why should they? They don't have unlimited resources. Both take time, effort and a commitment by personnel that they will naturally want to prioritize for members of their own flock, a member of the faith who attends services elsewhere, or- rarely- with other religious or secular institutions with whom they have a contractual (and often reciprocal) agreement.

Read more: http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?463007-Death-a-religious-institution#ixzz3eYAhXL1N

The funeral referenced in the OP was to be held at a funeral home not at the church of the pastor asked. So, in this case, the only commitment from the pastor would have been his own presence. I'm still not judging anything or anyone. I'm just clarifying the OP.

This situation reveals a possible difference in culture. 90% of funerals I've been to were held in a funeral home, not in a church/religious building. Even more, in my hometown, every funeral I've been to was held in the same funeral home. In fact, I'm not even sure there is more than one in my hometown, (of ~25,000 people). Surely there is, but I've never been to another.

Bullgrit

 

[delericho]

This situation reveals a possible difference in culture. 90% of funerals I've been to were held in a funeral home, not in a church/religious building.

As much as anything, that's probably explained by the resources available - obviously enough, you need some means for disposing of the body afterwards, and with cremation becoming the norm that tends to mean church funerals are becoming less common.

The funerals I've attended have generally been two-part affairs. There has typically been a public celebration* in the church, which may come before or after and (if before) may or may not have the coffin front and centre. And then there has been the final disposal of the body, which has most often taken place at a crematorium and has typically been family-only (or sometimes close friends).

* Almost without exception the church service has been described as a celebration of the life of the deceased, although quite often they feel like anything but.

I did once play the bagpipes at a funeral. It sucked.