How can I help my players along to realize this? Should I completely stop queing for checks and let them get burned (life is a good teacher)?
What I've done:
1. I only prompt them for 'checks', not naming which ones.
2. I printed off a
consolidated list of skills and what you can do with them, the found this helpful.
I see this, first and foremost, as a mismatch of GM vs playing styles. So, I'm not going to try to persuade you to change (since the other posters have reflected my personal preferences).
Expecting players to follow-up on your verbal clues (in essence, pay attention to what you are saying) isn't asking to much IME. But I know some players just play to relax, have fun and socialize. Paying too much attention might seem like work to them.
Anyway, if you want the kind of gritty feel you seem to be looking for, you will have to eventually spring the trap, with consequences. But I'd try a few things first:
1. Make
really sure your descriptions match the severity of the consequence. IOW, big trap warrants big clues.
2. Similarly, start with small consequences then work up. They don't pay attention, a flash bang goes off and 1-2 of them are blinded for a turn while enemies ambush them. Later on, they could be stunned, take damage or worse.
BTW, the "scale" of consequence depends a lot on the edition you are running. I know for 4e, a typical, same-encounter level trap won't kill a PC and I have no reluctance to spring one say if they fail a roll. Earlier editions might (as I try to remember my days with 1e and 2e...).
3. Model the behavior you want them to perform through a NPC, like a scout or paranoid thief-companion. Describe how that NPC behaves, like checking for triggers or tell tale clues.
4. Illustrate the severe consequences of not being vigilant on a NPC or two. Like, have a few retainers wandering off the beaten path (wearing the requisite red tunics
) blown to smithereens for failing to check something. At least the PCs are "on notice" that something really bad may happen.
There are two main scenerios where PC vigilance often comes up: (1) travel (the cliched "marching order") and (2) camping (while resting). I try to get their routine down (e.g., who is travelling in front, what is the watch schedule?) to save time. So, when I throw things that are "out of their norm", like hearing a clanging noise while camping, they usually know there is something to look for.
Good luck!