D&D 5E DMs, what are the most baffling and/or pointless questions your players ask?

[iserith]

I have to disagree with the idea that a player getting bored and stabbing the innkeeper is a sign of poor pacing. You're putting the blame for the player's action onto the DM! I would say that when this happens, it is often because a player is bored of not being the centre of attention; stereotypically, it happens when the Barbarian player - or Crab Bushi, or whatever - is wanting everyone to pay attention to them again, not to the Bard. For another example: rangers deserve the opportunity to roleplay being a protector of the wild with a low-stakes scene between them and some woodsmen in the forest, even if it isn't very exciting for the Wizard in the party. In short, one player does not get to say, "I don't want this scene any more" and take action that will negatively impact other people's enjoyment; the wizard who decides to just firebolt the woodsmen is at fault, not the DM for presenting that scene.

A previous post of mine upthread covers such scenes. The key in my view is to keep them tight - once you've rung any flavor or development out of the scene, move on, especially it's focused on just one character. A player having his or her character stab the innkeeper or bait the woodsman into a fight is looking for dramatic conflict that the session lacks and is a sign the DM needs to wrap the low tension scene and do something with some real stakes. This comes up a lot too in intraparty conflict. With no external conflict, players in my experience start looking inward for it, leading to all sorts of drama we've seen reported on the forums over the years.

In addition, I'd push back against the suggestion that every scene must have real stakes. This is not a book, or a film, where we can craft everything to be self-reverential and important for revealing character; all we can do as DMs is present the scenes that suit the story and the characters and the location, and hope to let the players have fun in them. I'll happy have a scene of a player just speaking to a Dwarven smith and booking their platemail, even if there is no 'loss condition' available; that player can take the opportunity to roleplay regardless. Indeed, I'll occasionally try to have a 'low drama' session, where the party just exist in the world. They meet people, they make plans, they get into discussions about whether armour should be ornate or plain, they, in short, roleplay. I'll make sure to add a combat encounter - or at least the option for one - into such a session, but I think that this kind of session can be really good for letting the players enjoy their characters and the world, without the pressure of saving the universe or rolling initiative. Often these scenes can lead to interesting things later on, for example when the party takes a shine to a given NPC, or when your description of the injustice in Baldur's Gate gets their blood pumping.

You will note that I never made this claim - only that challenges must have real stakes. I added that if a scene does not have stakes, that the DM is well-advised to keep it tight or else risk boring the players and getting results he or she may not want.

As always, it probably comes down to a group mismatch. If the DM is wanting to have low tension scenes where the party exists in the world, and Bob the Barbarian keeps hitting the NPCs so he can get back to combat, then sooner or later the game is going to have to change - either to not have those scenes, or to not have Bob in it.

Many words are spent on talking about "group mismatches." I think it's way overblown. It's a very rare person that is going to object to having some low tension scenes. Your typical questgiver scene tends to be low-tension, but it at least sets up the opportunity for challenges with stakes later on, so the Bob the Barbarians of the world will generally be fine with them in my experience. It's when that low tension scene drags on for longer than it needs to or there are multiple low tension scenes in between challenges that problems can arise. And that's a simple fix for the DM. I much prefer to fix something on my side of the screen than simply say Bob's not a fit for the group.

 

[Eltab]

The party encounters a door.
Player: "What sort of door-handle is it?"

Incident 1:
My Paladin wanted to jam shut a door (with a wedge) so we could steal from an office with some privacy. It was important if the door opened inwards or outwards.

Incident 2:
I wrote an adventure module which features a USS Enterprise door: there isn't any handle / doorknob. But it is trapped. After you set off the trap, you can get your fingers into the doorframe and push the door aside. If you know the password, you can speak it and the door will open, complete with that funny sound effect from the original Star Trek TV series.

 

[Xombiemike]

"What is the ghoul wearing?"
They were hoping metal for shocking grasp advantage. We all thought he had a fetish.

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[Chaosmancer]

I was reminded by my group of another aggravating question

"Okay, the monster charge from out of hiding and swing at you"

"Can I use Danger Sense (Barbarian ability)?"


or

"You flip open the chest and a spray of poison gas comes out."

"Can I use Danger Sense?"


or

"The giant monster swings at you."

"Can I use Danger Sense?"


No, no you cannot, the ability only works for Dexterity saving throws. It has only worked for Dexterity Saving throws for the last 3 months. It has never worked on anything other than Dexterity saving throws. When you make a Dexterity Saving Throw, then you can use Danger Sense. It doesn't work like the super-power, no matter how many times you ask me.

 

[Mad_Jack]

Oh god, this reminds me.

I’ve got one player in particular, generally decent player, no longer new at the game.

About every other week he’ll ask things like “What will happen if I ask the Captain about the Goblins?” “What will happen if I break this glowing rock?” “What happens if I attack this guy?”

It makes me want to throttle him. You don’t get to know the exact consequences of your actions before you do them. You’ve got no idea what the glowing rock is, so you have no idea what breaking it will do. You’ve never even talked to the Captain before, you don’t know if he is in a Goblin conspiracy or if there even is a conspiracy to be involved in. I’m not going to play fortune-teller with you and layout the entire path of the game for you to look through and choose.

I had one guy keep asking things like, "Is this guy a bad guy?", "Is this guy the boss?", "Is there going to be another fight after this one?".... < insert rolling eyes here >

The best one was actually the opposite, "Can we do that fight over?"

Or maybe, "What's the point of the plot the villain's attempting?", about fifteen minutes into the quest, when the entire point of the quest was to go investigate and figure out that exact thing...


Even if my name was Cliff, you do not get to read the Notes during the game, y'know?

 

[Mad_Jack]

Guy's clearly never used a tapestry as a weapon. Very effective.

I usually have the opposite problem - people who require a complete list of flammable/breakable/stealable objects in every square foot of the adventure...
Of course, "Set Something On Fire" is a useful tactical option in any number of situations, lol.

Although, I find mimics to be a wonderful cure for not giving a damn about tapestries...

 

[iserith]

I usually have the opposite problem - people who require a complete list of flammable/breakable/stealable objects in every square foot of the adventure...
Of course, "Set Something On Fire" is a useful tactical option in any number of situations, lol.

Although, I find mimics to be a wonderful cure for not giving a damn about tapestries...

I feel like most players jump straight to FIRE as a solution to many problems.

 

[cmad1977]

"What is the ghoul wearing?"
They were hoping metal for shocking grasp advantage. We all thought he had a fetish.

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'Is he wearing a dog collar? With spikes? How about chains? Leather mask? Latex outfit?'

The group learned a lot about Barry that day.


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[cmad1977]

I was reminded by my group of another aggravating question

"Okay, the monster charge from out of hiding and swing at you"

"Can I use Danger Sense (Barbarian ability)?"


or

"You flip open the chest and a spray of poison gas comes out."

"Can I use Danger Sense?"


or

"The giant monster swings at you."

"Can I use Danger Sense?"


No, no you cannot, the ability only works for Dexterity saving throws. It has only worked for Dexterity Saving throws for the last 3 months. It has never worked on anything other than Dexterity saving throws. When you make a Dexterity Saving Throw, then you can use Danger Sense. It doesn't work like the super-power, no matter how many times you ask me.

To be fair, the trapped chest with the spray probably is a Dex save.(edit: you said gas. No dex save! Con save! Damn it Barbarian, pay attention!)
BUT, bottom line, I play with a dude like this who can't remember any of the rules for when he uses sneak attack. I feel your pain.


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[Lanefan]

I feel like most players jump straight to FIRE as a solution to many problems.

Around here there's a frequent exchange heard:

Wizard: "How high is the ceiling?"
Rest of party: "No!"

Asking the ceiling height is always a precursor to casting fireball, usually in a confined space, and as in my game fireballs expand to fill their allotted volume...

Lan-"never mind that for some reason our wizards always view wisdom as a dump stat"-efan