DMs, when have you found it necessary to fire a player from your table?

[Shiroiken]

I have never ejected a player mid-session, but I've never had the need to. I've booted them away from the game (cheating is the most common offense, but have had a couple of sabotaging players), but that's mostly because I'd rather handle such stuff without taking away from the session. I give them a chance to explain their actions, but a second offense gets only the message "don't come back."

I've seen a player booted from a session as a player, but that was because he offended the host's wife. He appealed to the DM who said "you're the <expletive> here; it's not my house." We all thought it was pretty funny, but did need to choose a new host since the wife was really upset, preventing us from ever playing there again.

The funniest one I've seen was where a player was acting up and causing all kinds of problems (mostly wasting time whining about stuff). After being repeatedly warned by the DM, the DM eventually just started packing up his stuff. He told me and the other player (there were only 3 players plus DM) "If I can find a third player, I'll see you guys next week." Session over, and the player obviously booted... at least until he wheedled his way back into the DM's graces before the next week. Guy changed his tune, at least for a little while.

 

[S'mon]

I have booted a fair number running 3e and PF, pretty much never with other games though. I did recently encourage a player to find another group. Oh yeah there was the one guy we banned from my Meetup last year for being annoying. Eventually no table wanted him.