Do you tell pretty girls that they're pretty?

[BOZ]

i'm really not a compliment giver. i've only told a small handful of girls (besides my wife) that i like the way they look, and to girls i'm not dating it feels like a pretty awkard thing to say, unless the topic comes up in conversation.

last night, i went to a bar with some co-workers. inebriated enough, one fellow started talking about the girl who sits behind me (the lone female in our party pointed out that the girl is young enough to be his daughter). i said that, yes, this girl was indeed mighty cute (she is). i would never had admitted that to the girl, and i wouldn't have made that comment in front of my wife. it's just not smart.

 

[BOZ]

some perspecitve on the Mrs., by the way. terribly insecure. if i notice a pretty girl and my eyes don't shift away quickly i'm going to hear it. what really bothers me is when she gives me a hard time for coming home late from work or gaming or just going out in general to a party or something without her, "where were you really? you weren't with a girl were you?" gets kind of old after awhile, no matter how many times i've tried to convince her of my honorable intentions. :\ and then when she calms down later, she smiles and tells me, "oh i was just kidding, you know i was kidding right" but if that's supposed to be a joke it's not funny (i think she just doesn't want me to think she's as insecure as she really is).

so, no, saying that another woman is attractive in any way at all is a definite no-no unless i'm looking for an argument.

 

[Cursed Quinn]

Compliments from people you don't know well can be kind of weird. Maybe I read too much into them, who knows? Just how I feel.

 

[Umbran]

But Rel has made it clear to us that relevance is not the thing inhibiting him telling his wife this otherwise charming story of how he made a portly pallid corporate representative's day.

Hm. Perhaps you missed the point. I wasn't asked to give Rel's opinion. I was asked to give mine. I did so.

If there is no appreciable difference between the way you initiate contact for a romantic encounter (and your wife will know--from experience--that it likley starts with compliments) and the way you "innocently" compliment a "girl you think is attractive" (which is what is happening since, you know, this is a compliment on looks that is being talked about), well to quote Red Foreman..."What good could come of it?"

I tend to agree with you TB, but it is addressing a different angle than my original approach. I was talking about "Is it ethical". You're more dealing with "Is it smart?" You practical guy, you

 

[ForceUser]

Totally OT: Keryn, is that a Tony DiTerlizzi piece in your avatar? He's dreamy!

 

[BOZ]

defenitely looks like Tony D's work.

 

[Keryn]

Totally OT: Keryn, is that a Tony DiTerlizzi piece in your avatar? He's dreamy!

Yes, it is Tony's work.

 

[Turanil]

A compliment on attractiveness means you've been paying attention to how attractive they are. And, when a man pays attention to physical attractiveness, what else does one expect they're thinking, hm?

I agree with this.

IMO it's okay to compliment one's hairstyle or clothing, because it's compimenting their good tastes. However, complimenting a woman on her body is akin to telling her that she is good enough as a sexual object. I see it a sexist comment rather than a compliment. Better to compliment a woman on some of her abilities, meaning that you value her as a person, not as an object fiting with your own sexual criteria.

 

[reveal]

Wow. It's no wonder sexuality is so oppressed in society today. Physical compliments are only given when someone wants something out of you or wants to sleep with you? That's idiotic. Compliments are given for that purpose sometimes, yes. But, other times, they are given because people want to be nice.

What is so wrong with telling a girl that her eyes are pretty if they are? It's a nice thing to do. People like to be nice and people like to be treated nicely. If I tell a woman that her eyes are nice, that doesn't mean I'm going to start humping her leg.

Compliments invite the person who is complimented to embrace a new perception of him or herself. And just as layers and layers of nacre form a pearl over an irritating grain of sand, so compliments collect around us, developing us in all our beauty.
--Daphne Rose Kingma

 

[Rel]

He knows we aren't ragging on him (I hope!)

Even if you were, I'm a big boy and I can take it.

I will say though that, judging from the time we spent together at Gen Con Rel, you are a fundamentally more friendly person than I am, so ther eis really no reason that our opinions on this might differ.

Thanks for the compliment but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying with regard to how that would impact whether we'd have the same opinion on the issue or not.

Nice to see the posts from Keryn here too. I hope she'll stick around. ENWorld needs women!