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EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!
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<blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 4316550" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>Eosin, thanks!</p><p></p><p>[sblock]If you talk about the Neo login, the first draft (or maybe draft 0.5) had more online dialogue, and each time the "hero" would use a different revolutionary nick. In the end, I kept Neo and V.</p><p></p><p>This story is one that I'd really like to work on some more... making it way longer, for example, and probably mostly focusing on the "hero" of the piece. Though that would probably lead me to come down even stronger on him simply being a lunatic (who incidentially might do a good thing, who knows).</p><p></p><p>One thing I'm happy about is the parallels between his God and the king, how they both don't really listen, and when the hero acts (as with the king), he kills people. I also like the wide open end, but I'm not sure I could do it justice in such a short paragraph. Also, I might now make the ending into two online newsstreams running concurrently, ending with </p><p>> Everything is possible.</p><p>> He was wearing a golden crown (made of paper mache).</p><p>Or something like that.</p><p></p><p>I'd also like to explore whether the home/church/castle thing was really in the physical world or just "on another server" so to speak, i.e. another layer of the nanoverse.</p><p></p><p>And, is the king worshipped somehow? What does he actually do? Does he do good sometimes?[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Berandor, post: 4316550, member: 225"] Eosin, thanks! [sblock]If you talk about the Neo login, the first draft (or maybe draft 0.5) had more online dialogue, and each time the "hero" would use a different revolutionary nick. In the end, I kept Neo and V. This story is one that I'd really like to work on some more... making it way longer, for example, and probably mostly focusing on the "hero" of the piece. Though that would probably lead me to come down even stronger on him simply being a lunatic (who incidentially might do a good thing, who knows). One thing I'm happy about is the parallels between his God and the king, how they both don't really listen, and when the hero acts (as with the king), he kills people. I also like the wide open end, but I'm not sure I could do it justice in such a short paragraph. Also, I might now make the ending into two online newsstreams running concurrently, ending with > Everything is possible. > He was wearing a golden crown (made of paper mache). Or something like that. I'd also like to explore whether the home/church/castle thing was really in the physical world or just "on another server" so to speak, i.e. another layer of the nanoverse. And, is the king worshipped somehow? What does he actually do? Does he do good sometimes?[/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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