TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[Grimstaff]

I e-mailed Carl Smith about this module, as to whether he felt it came out exactly as he envisioned it or not.
Here is his reply:

"Thanks for the kind remarcs. I know it has bin hard to see the fight for the trees, but the kingdom will have no end. That said, we wer all happe at the response in trade magazines at the time of the module's release. "Astounding!", and "Bewilderingly"-something-or-other were common reacsons. You know, to be onest, in a feather bouncing sort of way, this was really the diving board that broke me into big busines with games like "Tarragon" and the short Adventure Quest module "Blankets for Baalzebub".
Anyway, its been a stong, fun ride, and I hope for the children that we all have many more. Cheers and fun role-gaming!
-Carl"

 

[dougmander]

So a former thief can't figure out that his customers are being robbed on a regular basis by a bunch of wererats who just happen to be guests at his inn whenever a robbery occurs? What's his INT?

 

[Quasqueton]

Grimstaff, are you joking? [Honestly puzzled.]

Quasqueton

 

[lukelightning]

What a ridiculous statement in the module. Unless the room is entirely empty, there is always something to steal; when in doubt take a pillow.. I learned this from playing Morrowind on my Xbox: there is always a pillow to steal.

It's also funny how there is this note: "The fireplace has no secret compartments."

Earlier in the adventure, the party is accepted into a mage's home to spend the night before going on the quest. There is this note in the text: "The party will not find anything worth stealing in Delon's quarters."

Quasqueton

 

[The Shaman]

A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.

Priceless.

 

[Nomad4life]

Oh. My. Gawd.

Whoever wrote this module (and I strongly suspect it was the Great Cthulhu himself) is like an evil James Joyce writing a demonic version of Alice In Wonderland.

I love the second example;

"It is plain that they are not soldiers by their haphazard way of walking. They do not seem to be joking loudly or singing as they advance."

I’ll be laughing at that for the rest of my life. Really, if there were an entire novel written like that, I would preach from it to people in the streets.

And let’s not overlook the inspired beauty within the inn/robbery scene; This thief-turned-honest-innkeeper keeps a band of WERERATS in his inn, puts them in the ROOM WITH THE SECRET PASSAGE, and yet REPEATEDLY CAN’T SOLVE the “mystery” of the robberies at his establishment? I mean, no wonder he gave up his life of crime, he obviously wasn’t well suited for it. Or breathing, for that matter.

I can only conclude that it was the abysmal writing of the encounter itself that puts the adventurers to sleep… Since no other explanation is even hinted at. Wow. Just… Wow.

Needless to say, this module is now at the top of my “must-have” list. I’ll bet it’s impossible to find… But just imagine the hilarity of running it!

 

[Insight]

The party encounters seven brigands. One is the leader (Fighter; AC 5; MV 6' per round; HD 3; hp 13; % in Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 Sword +1; SA Sword +1; SD Standard), of the other six brigands (Fighters; AC 7; MV 6' per round; HD 1-6; hp 10 each; % In Lair 20%; #AT 1; Dmg 1-6 [sword]; SA None; SD Standard). The brigands look like rough men and carry weapons that pilgrims or wayfarers would not.

I especially love % in Lair 20%. THEY AREN'T IN THEIR LAIR. The % in Lair is ZERO. They are a static encounter on the road!

 

[Quasqueton]

I am really glad you folks are getting as big a laugh out of this as I thought you would.

Edit:

There is one listed on ebay. I'll never sell my copy.

I didn't mention it at the beginning, but this adventure is for levels 2-4.

Quasqueton

 

[lukelightning]

I love that bandit encounter.

"You see a bunch of people blah blah blah"
I bet by this time the players are already starting to roll initiative, but nooooo, first you have to listen to stuff like "they are not discussing the weather, nor are they chewing gum....and they have weapons..."
Now by this time I would have already fireballed them. Do I get a chance? Nope, gotta roll a D6 for surprise, even though you've been watching them for at least thirty seconds.

 

[lukelightning]

I especially love % in Lair 20%. THEY AREN'T IN THEIR LAIR. The % in Lair is ZERO. They are a static encounter on the road!

Let's get those PCs and steal all their money! Charge! Wait, where did Bob and Agnes go? What do you mean they went home to our lair! They are one fifth of our force! Well, let's do it anyways...chaaaarge! What? We rolled a 3? Are they surprised or is nobody surprised? And why do I only have 10 hit points when I rolled a 5 for hit dice (hit dice 1-6)? Joe and Fred, you two quit that singing! And no joking either. And stop running. Yes, I know we were in a hurry but still no running. Why? You're carrying a sword for Pelor's sake and if you trip you might stab someone. JOE! What did I just tell you about singing? Hurry up and stop that tarrying, but without running or singing. What, Fred, did you just ask me how to stop a rhino from charging? NO *#@!% JOKING DO YOU HEAR ME! I knew we should have just gone to that wererat infested inn or that stupid pavilion with the hand-wringing nymph...