TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[Zaukrie]

I'm about to teach my sons and some of their friends how to play. Last week I started pulling out all the old modules I had to look at them. I still have this one somehow. I've sold or traded most of my bad modules, but this one I still have. I may have to actually read it now.

I agree Needle and Puppets were two of the worst modules I bought in the day.

 

[Marcon]

Since no one highlighted this part of the 2nd encounter :

"The brigands will fight until they are all dead, or until the party has been killed."

Good Lord... "Should a PC forget to tell you his character is breathing, have him roll a Con check to see if he is choking. If he fails, he is allowed a second roll, this time with a -2 penalty or he will fall lifeless to the ground."

A real gem, thanks for sharing.

-Marco

 

[Bretbo]

6 the apples are surprised.

This got me

And the Nymph and the lake encounter, why weren't there like 20 more deer unconcious? Not to mention birds, beavers, ground hogs....you get the idea. A lake is a major source of water for wildlife...sheesh.

 

[dougmander]

I like how the river is essentially a pick-pocket. And read that number 1 carefully.

Quasqueton

Yep, that sure is one discriminating river. Can I add another option?
On a roll of 7, the river removes the party's underwear and reassigns it randomly.

 

[Simplicity]

Whoever wrote this module (and I strongly suspect it was the Great Cthulhu himself) is like an evil James Joyce writing a demonic version of Alice In Wonderland.

Seriously. This is some screwed up crap.

Let me try another fake encounter:

15. The Lumberjack

A lumberjack without an axe stands next to a large, motionless tree. His flannel shirt is encrusted with the grimey sawdust of the woods. He remains as you approach towards him.

The lumberjack (AC 6 [chainmail]; MV 12"; HD 1+1; hp 6 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [longsword]; % Lair 30%) wants to cut down the tree, but he left his axe at the top of the tree. If one of the players climbs the tree to get it (the player must roll under their strength to succeed), the lumberjack will give them 100 gp and the axe (an axe +1). If the player tries to climb the tree, but fails, then the player may accidently break equipment on the way down (roll 1d4):
1. All of a character's potions are broken.
2. A weapon gets stuck in the tree.
3. The axe is broken on the fall down. The lumberjack attacks!
4. Half of the player's gold.

In actuality, the tree is alive, however, (AC 6 [chainmail], MV 0"; HD 5+1; hp 30; #AT 2; Dmg 1d8/1d8 [branches]; SA surprise on 1-4) and doesn't want to be cut down. The tree tries to convince the players not to give the lumberjack the axe. And if it doesn't succeed, the tree attacks. If a fight does break out, the tree plays dead until the players leave. If the players don't give the axe, the tree gives the players 100 gp.

 

[Mouseferatu]

Lukelightning and Simplicity win ENWorld. We can all stop playing and go home.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Can't ... breathe ... laughing ... too ... hard. Apparently, the river can detect magic, 'cause it never strips away a magic item!

See if you recognize these quotes from the campaign I love to hate:

Players may wish to use PCs from the ... story, detailed on character cardds at the center of the module. It is generally an advantage for players to use these characters rather than bring their own into the campaign.

Gee, I can't make/play my own character? Well, at least we get to read poetry ...

Event 4: Reading. On one of the nights the party is camped (your choice), pass around [the poem] found at the end of this book. As though around the campfire, have each player read one verse aloud, from first verse to last, until they finish the poem

Lucky our characters all memorized the same poetry in school! At least we can go where we want ...

Event 7: The Armies march. Just after dusk on the fifth game night, the armies begin to march and conquer all the land to the south; every 4 hours thereafter, and encounter area falls into their hands. The general trend of the captured areas should direct the PCs toward (area 44). If PCs are in a captured area, they see the front lines of the army approaching them at a movement rate of 9". This gives them a chance to flee the army toward (area 44).

Never mind, I guess we're just going to area 44! (Never mind that area 44 is in the northeast of the map, and would immediately be cut off by armies advancing southward.) Ah, well, at least we can kill people and take their stuff:

This module introduces several enemy NPCs ... since these NPCs appear in later ... modules, try to make them have "obscure deaths" if they are killed: if at all possible, their bodies should not be found. ... The same rules apply to the PCs on pages 17-18 of the module ... this does not apply to PCs other than those who are part of the story.

Or not. I'd better hope my PC doesn't get written out of this script.

 

[Rystil Arden]

Hmmm....writing new encounters is fun, so I'll give it a try

------

Encounter #16: The Tormented Knight

As the party enters the clearing in the forest, read the description below:

You see a man in the clearing, and he is not wearing a holy symbol, nor does he seem to have a spellbook or any thieve's tools. In fact, he does not have a musical instrument either, and his eyes are not green. When you come closer, you notice that he is wearing chainmail and carrying a large axe.

"Ho there travellers," he says sadly, setting his axe down on a nearby log, which promptly falls asleep, crushing the wererats hiding underneath, "I am William of Galveston, and I need your help."

Thomas (AC 3 [full-plate]; MV 6'; HD 5+1; hp 4; #AT 1; Dmg 1-12 [katana]; % Lair 50%) has been trapped in a cave by an evil ogre that wants to marry his girlfriend. The ogre tried to put William to sleep, but it didn't work, so he trapped him so deep in the cave that nobody could ever find him or even hear him ask for help. Now Thomas is still there, and so he asks the PCs for help.

William would never attack the party or steal their things because he is a man of honour. Roll 1d6. On a 1 or 2, the party is surprised, on a 2 or 3, William steals the PCs' most valuable magic item and runs away, on a roll of 5, he attacks, and on a roll of 6, the ogre is surprised.

If the PCs try to move the rocks to help Thomas escape from the cave, they must succeed at a Strength check. If they fail, then roll 1d6, and consult the following chart:

1- 200 gold gets lost in the rocks
2- A small forest gnome bites the PC's ankles with a THAC0 of 18, dealing 2 damage, then he scampers away
3- The dragon runs away, leaving behind the smoky afterimage of a walrus
4- All of the PCs' magical items are transformed into nymphs, no saving throw. The nymphs will hide in the secret door unless the party has already paid the halfling innkeeper 50 gold, in which case, he locked the door for them
5- The rocks Polymorph into a river--refer to the River encounter above
6- Roll again

If they succeed, Thomas escape from the cave, and he will give them 100 gold and their choice of a potion of Teleport, an oil of Transmute Rock to Mud, or a potion of Phase Door. Afterwards, he asks for their help in defeating the troll, which has just appeared because it was angry that they freed him.

The troll (AC 1 [trolly-hide]; MV 12'; HD 6+3; hp 2; #AT 3; Dmg 1-7 + 5 [ogre smashing]; % Lair 100%) never leaves its lair, and it fights fiercely, though it does not sing or talk companionably to the players.

If it is slain, the PCs discover that the ogre was really not an ogre, but was actually William's girlfriend in disguise, who was a magic-user, and she didn't really like him, so she pretended to be a troll.

If they cut her body open, they will find three pearls, each worth 75 gold pieces, inside of her stomach because she liked to eat pearls whole when she cast the Identify spell, and so she choked on them and died. She won't let the PCs have the pearls normally, unless they defeat the gnolls, in which case she hides in the secret door under the log.

Thomas does not have anything that can be stolen, but if the party slays him, they discover that he is really a girl pretending to be a knight, but they couldn't tell because he was wearing plate mail. No wonder he had so few hit points. That's why the other girl didn't like him because she knew he was a girl. At this point, 1d6 wererats appear and demand that the party surrender the nymphs.

 

[Qlippoth]

At this point, 1d6 wererats appear and demand that the party surrender the nymphs.

The PC with the highest Charisma suddenly yells, "Not without my apples!"

 

[Rystil Arden]

The PC with the highest Charisma suddenly yells, "Not without my apples!"

Ah yes, that reminds me of the way that several 2e modules actually managed to penalise you for having the highest Charisma by making the enemies specifically target "The PC with the highest Charisma"