[Extremely OT]: Engagement Rings

[Pielorinho]

Take it from this poor sap -- INSURE THE SUCKER!

I proposed about six months ago. My sweetie said yes, but that she didn't want to go public with the engagement until she'd finished grad school and found a job. Otherwise, there'd be too much stuff going on.

I agreed, and agreed to hold on to the (kind of expensive, for me) ring until other stuff had calmed down. A month or two later, I moved, taking the ring with me.

Last month, we decided it was about time to let folks know, so I went to dig the ring out of the box it was in.

AND IT WAS GONE!

I've spent hours searching for that little tweaker, but it's nowhere to be found. My best guess is that somewhere in a cave, a misshapen figure is fondling it, saying over and over, "My precioussssss...."

Sigh. We're going ring-shopping again soon.

On the other hand, mooby, yay us! Engagement! Woo hoo!

Daniel

 

[shadowcaster007]

I probably have the most recent experience.
I just bought the ring yesterday.

My advice is to get her involved, there are so many different styles out there. It does spoil the surprise but once when you know the style, when and how is still up to you. The meaning is important but her happiness is right up there. The last thing you want is the token of your love being something she dislikes.

You can be sneaky about it as well, with X-mas coming up take her to a couple of stores looking for ear rings and casually wander over to the rings.

I agree with most of the reponses so far, get what you can afford. If you can't afford much now, there's always aniversaries to upgrade. Weddings are so expensive, you don't want to be forced to have Big Mac's on your wedding night because you broke the bank on the ring.

 

[BOZ]

i was broke when i bought it, and still am. i bought my engagement ring for about $120. it wasn't what she was hoping for, and we both knew it, but she was just glad to get it at all and loves it now. the actual wedding rings will be much better anyway.

 

[Wicht]

I will second the idea of avoiding the mall stores. You will save hundreds by going somewhere with a lower overhead.

Get what you feel comfortable getting financially. If you are poor, as I was when i proposed, get something you can afford and still eat. If you are independantly wealthy then it really does not matter as much does it.

Whether you take her ring shopping with you really depends on the sort of woman she is. My wife and I looked at rings together but she would have felt funny if she had been with me when I bought an engagement ring.

I actually proposed first and then after that year of college got a summer job and used what I had saved from my summer wages to buy the ring. Despite what the books say, there is no "wrong" way to do it. Some ways are just more romantic than others.

And congragulations.

 

[jgbrowning]

well... firstly i'm not typical, nor is my wife...

I say throw the commercially designated concepts of display of love out the window.

Let her pick the ring she wants. Its simpler, she gets what she really wants, you'll get her what she really wants. Like a lot of others have mentioned, it can save you butt-loads of hassle.

****from my wife: The idea that you're supposed to be a mind reader and pick the perfect thing for her and that this is "supposed" to be symbolic of your whole relationship and how well you "really know" her is a hollywood thing... get over it.. *****

and, IMHO, the best reason to do it this way is that she and you are making the purchase together. You'll learn how you guys interact when dealing with the love=money bs our society pummels us with daily. If you guys haven't made any big purchases together you'll also see how you both react in such a circumstance.

hell, the only reason me and my wife bought an engagement ring was that her family didn't "believe" that we were engaged. and when we got it, it was not a diamond. hehehe

That being said, I'm not "romantic" but i am deeply loving. There's a difference.

joe b.
*with a little help from the old ball and chain... *

 

[mythago]

That being said, what's the 'unwritten rule' on how much one should spend on a ring.

The 'rule' was made up by DeBeers. In Japan the commercials say three months' salary, in Europe they say one month's. It's all a scam.

From a woman, here are some suggestions:

1) Estate jewelry. You can get beautiful, beautiful stuff for less than new, because it has "old-fashioned" styling (horrors!), people want new jewelry, or whatever. I have had one engagement ring and one wedding ring that are estate jewelry, and people are constantly asking me where they can get one just like it.

2) Know your fianceé. Is she the sort of woman who would freak if you bought an expensive ring because you could have used that money on a house? (Believe it or not, some women don't even like engagement rings.) Then don't blow the bank. If she would really, really, really love a spendy ring, then you probably shouldn't go budget.

3) Think about what the WEDDING ring is going to look like. Many times they are bought as a complementary set. You really don't want to get a pretty engagement ring that looks awful next to the pretty wedding ring.

Good luck!

 

[littlejohn]

There was an interesting discussion about diamonds on Slashdot not too long ago, including information on "cruelty free" Canadian diamonds. Might be worth a look.

 

[Mercule]

Congrats!

I disagree with the general concensus here. _Don't_ take your fiance with you to pick the ring. Maybe stop in a few times and look, but definitely don't say "pick your ring".

Why? This is _the_ most romantic event of your life, bar none. Honeymoons are nice, but the actual proposal is what you'll be telling stories about to your kids and friends. Even my friend who got a messy divorce loves to tell how his wife proposed to him (long story short, she managed to sneak the ring onto his finger).

Of course, there's always alternate type rings. Nothing wrong with those, but since I got a solitaire for my wife, that's where my mind gravitates. If you aren't set on a solitaire, though, look at various cuts on stone. I got my wife a trillian cut ruby a few years back and she loves it.

Also, don't look down at synthetic (lab-created) stones. Personally, I prefer them to natural stones. They are usually cheaper (always good). They also tend to have a more "pure" look. I also like the slightly richer color that lab stones usually have.

Two mistakes I made at the time.

1) Not a big enough rock. 1/4 karat isn't big enough. I sometimes feel like it is invisible on her hand, and my wife's built like an elf. I plan on replacing it with a 2 karat for our 10th anniversary, but that's just to add some extra to it. I'd recommend 1/2 to 3/4 karat (as someone else said, watch the price breaks, though). That's big enough to always look "enough", but not outrageously expensive.

2) All I did was get down on my knee. It was better than nothing, but I've often wished that I'd taken her out to a romantic dinner or something. I did it just before Thanksgiving and almost waited to do it at her family's house. That would have been great. Of course, know your bride-to-be in this arena.

When I proposed, it was in her apartment and I _knew_ that she'd say "yes". I still nearly lost my lunch. Consider yourself fore-warned. Now, go have fun with it. Make it memorable. Even is you completely screw it up, it will be a good memory.

 

[Mercule]

The idea that you're supposed to be a mind reader and pick the perfect thing for her and that this is "supposed" to be symbolic of your whole relationship and how well you "really know" her is a hollywood thing... get over it..

If you don't have a good enough relationship that your bride is willing to tell you that she'd like something a bit different you may want to reconsider the engagement. After I popped the question with the ring I thought my wife would like, I told her we could exchange it if she wanted.

Of course, the fact that we'd briefly discussed rings at one point and I knew she wanted a solitaire helped. The personal part that she picked out was the wrap.

 

[jasper]

Including insurance for her engagement ring, and the wedding rings under $800 or half a months pay before bills.
This 2 months etc is sell puffing.
One do shop NOT buy the mall stores, so you can get some prices and fashions.
Does she like diamonds?
My wife and I don't. Over half of her stuff is colour stones.
Does like the colored stones? rubies, sapphires, emeralds etc.
Wedding ring turn into engagement ring 1 lab ruby in 10 k.
You buy a token for your love not a investment.
You could sand cast you own for about $200.
My first set of wedding rings were sterling silver Price $70?. That marriage did not pan out.

If possible take classes on how to tell high quality stones.

Check out Sears, Walmart, etc? My wife is amazed at some the stuff both of these places have. And she knows her stuff.

Deal with established place if not mall store. There Zales, etc in every mall.

Insurance is generally not necessary but is a Linus security blanket for you and yours.

You can make your own.
Rio Grande sell rings and loose stones. And directions on jewelry making.
If you can superglue two things together without sticking you two fingers together.
Remind me tomorrow and I give a quick price check of rio grande stuff.

Remember it better to have money in bank for bills and food than a rock and strip of gold.