Female Enboard members I need some advice....

[Buttercup]

Just ask her. If she says no, you'll be sad for a day, and then you'll get over it. If she says yes, you'll be able to find out if you like each other. So what if you haven't talked to her much. Maybe, since she's in your class, you should invite her to do homework first, and see how it goes? If it goes well (meaning that you talk a bunch and get no homework done) then move on to coffee or whatever.

If you do nothing you will become obsessed, which isn't healthy.

 

[Lady Starhawk]

female perspective?

I am a female. However I am not your "normal" female. I game friday nights, and I go to sci-fi and fantasy conventions. I like discussing old and current game characters. I play computer games for fun, and I have had the original star wars triology memorized for over 10 years.

I think (I am assuming and I apologize to those of you out there that are women) that I am pretty typical of the females that hang out here.

Keeping that in mind--I would suggest going for ice-cream or to the library or something after school, and just get to know her as who she really is, not as the girl she is in your head. Keep it non-threatening and don't get your hopes or expectations too high, she might even already have a boyfriend. BUT you might get to know the real her and things might progress into something.

I also have what iff's and shoulda's.

Go for it, but make sure you don't let the girl you've made up in your mind overtake the girl she really is. Make sure that you like the real her, not just your idea of her.

Lady Starhawk
/can't believe she just gave out dating advice considering she's never been on a date /

 

[Gothmog]

Darklance, I have to agree with takyris- get to know this girl first, then ask her out. Right now you are going off a feeling, without even knowing much about this girl. It might be you guys don't have anything in common and wouldn't be happy together, or you guys might be perfect and have great times. But I'll guarantee you that going up to a woman and asking her out when you haven't said hardly anything to her is likely to spook her and make it more likely she will avoid you.

I'd try to make friends with her first. Heck, she'd probably be impressed that a guy wanted to be her friend BEFORE he starts expressing romantic overtures to her. If she is really pretty as well, she probably isn't used to being treated like this, and will be really impressed.

The other thing is to watch her body posture and reactions to you when you talk. If she makes lots of eye contact, laughs a lot, smiles often, and plays with her hair, its a good sign she likes you. If not, she might warm up to you once she knows you better.

From experience, the best thing you can do is just try to be a nice guy. Don't try to brag and be boastful, instead ask how she is doing, what she has been up to, and ask questions about her. Some girls like the braggart jock types, and if she is one, she probably isn't right for you. Over the years I have met lots of women, and I have a ton of very close female friends. Even if she isn't interested in a potential romantic relationship, you should be able to make a friend. And believe me, when you behave this way and meet a girl who is comaptible with you, you can brag to all your buddies about how you have the coolest, most gorgeous girlfriend (and thats something most girs don't mind you bragging about).

 

[Darklance]

Well, no offense intended, seriously, but if he's so socially adept, why is he asking us what to do?



-Tacky

lol. No, I'm not quite that lost. I was just really trying to see if the whole rushing into it thing would be considered odd.

 

[Nifft]

the whole rushing into it thing

Fools rush in, but wise men don't get laid.

-- Nifft

 

[LostSoul]

I'd try to make friends with her first.

That's a really bad idea. If you become "friends" with her, you're going to have to change the whole dynamic when you tell her you want something more. You don't want her thinking of you that way.

Go in, don't apologize for your feelings. If you do it with confidence nothing can go wrong. Even if she's moving to Borneo the next day, at least you've got more experience doing this type of thing, making it easier to do the next time.

 

[Ziona]

Darklance, you should certainly ask her! (and yes, I'm a girl!)

I met my husband Xaltar in High School. He didn't run up and just ask me out of the blue to go on a date, he talked to me and expressed interest in me. He said interesting and quirky things, but wasn't outrageously odd or anything. Be witty and funny, and express your interest by listening to what she has to say. By talking to her, you should be able to get a feel for whether or not she's interested in you.

You should bring up things that you both have interests in, or if you don't know exactly where her interests lie, bring up some general things, like movies, or music. The key is to start talking to her more and more. Show her you're interested in her by talking to her, and don't force the words to come out of your mouth if they don't feel right.

Once you're comfortable talking with her, the timing will be right and you'll say "wanna go get some coffee" or "can I walk you to the library" and if she is interested, she will say yes.

Good luck...and let us know how it turns out!

 

[Nifft]

If you can't do confident, do honest & flustered.

Don't worry about not looking cool. Distant, disaffected, unimpressed, smug -- these are the enemy. Be open, say nice things that pop into your head, don't rehearse speeches too much.

Tell her about the dream on the 2nd date. Say that you'd wanted to tell her on the first date, but you were afraid it might sound like some kind of strange pickup line.

Personally, I'm not very good at reading girls who I don't know very well, so on a first date I'll explicitly ask her if she wants me to kiss her. Keep it simple: "May I kiss you?" or "I want to kiss you, if I may?"

-- Nifft

 

[Jeremy Ackerman-Yost]

Well, I'll hardly be the only Y chromosome to chime in here...

If you can't do confident, do honest & flustered.

Usually worked for me. A lot of women found it cute. Aiming for "casual" and hitting "slightly antsy" is better than aiming for "James Dean" and hitting "hyperventilation."

Personally, I'm not very good at reading girls who I don't know very well, so on a first date I'll explicitly ask her if she wants me to kiss her. Keep it simple: "May I kiss you?" or "I want to kiss you, if I may?"[/B]

Best one I ever used: "Would it be presumptuous of me to kiss you right now?" Her response: "Why don't you try it and find out?"

Good luck, Darklance. Heck, if nothing else, at least you'll be honest when you call her "the girl of your dreams."


Somebody was going to say it. I thought I would get it out of the way...

 

[maddman75]

Personally, I'd take the dream thing to my grave. It has a serious risk of freaking her out.

Don't think date - dates are things you do with girlfriends. She's someone you are getting to know. This isn't the best forum for it, but here's the best general advice I can give.

- relax, and don't put too much value into what she says/thinks of you. Its just one chick, and there are more out there than you could ever meet if it were all you did the rest of your life.
- Don't kiss up to her - treat her like a person that you find interesting, not a goddess. She isn't.
- If you get her talking, she will tell you everything you need to do to win her heart. Just make sure you *listen*.
- Remember that this is supposed to be fun, for both of you. Relax.