Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[Boarstorm]

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That's me not touching this thread with a 10' pole.

 

[WayneLigon]

Sounds like you need to hire a yenta to get all your players in relationships so they stop hitting on the new female player.

 

[Voadam]

Sounds like you are worried your male gaming buddies will act differently in a game with women. You say you want to include some female friends but don't want the atmosphere of spontaneous potentially offensive jokes and focused gaming to change.

Talk to your gaming buddies, tell them you want to bring in some female friends but also bring up your concerns that they will self censor and act innapropriate for the game and you don't want that to happen. Have a discussion about it so they can be aware of the issue, being conscious of it can make a difference instead of waiting for an anticipated train wreck.

My experience was different and there was no problem introducing a female friend to my game. In college senior year I took over my room-mate's D&D campaign which included my room-mates and some of the prior DM's friends who I didn't know before I started running the game (all males). Partway through the year another room-mate says a female friend of his from his work is interested in learning how to play D&D and wanted to join our group based upon his stories about our weekly games. I said sure and she became a regular member of our group. The atmosphere did not change except that she was learning the rules whereas everyone else already knew them. We all still had fun and enjoyed our weekly game sessions until the end of the year when the campaign ended when summer came and people graduated or split for summer.

Other groups I've been in have had women members or not and I've never experienced the problems you described.

 

[shieldheart]

I have that question too.

The question I want to ask is: Why continue to seek out women gamers if you don't want the atmosphere to change? Better yet, why introduce a new player if you don't want anything to change about your current group?

To clarify, I am not actively seeking out female gamers but I do have some female friends who have expressed an interest in joining our group of players. I suppose the idea was to ask how I could include them without changing the atmosphere of the group.

Most of the situations I described in the OP were hypothetical as most of my players are in LTRs or are otherwise mature enough to handle being around girls. My main concern would be that they would feel they have to pussyfoot around whenever girls are present. I included the other situations just to get a wider range of responses and experiences.

I'm mostly just curious about the female dynamic. I'm not overly concerned with the issue at all. Just wanted to know how other people's experiences have been, positive, negative or otherwise.

 

[Vanuslux]

For the most part, I've gamed with a lot of women who were a part of my real world social circle and I can't think of any situation where that was a problem. Women I've met at the gaming table for the first time, however, have been a mixed bag but the same can be said for guys I've met at the gaming table as well.

 

[Vanuslux]

To clarify, I am not actively seeking out female gamers but I do have some female friends who have expressed an interest in joining our group of players. I suppose the idea was to ask how I could include them without changing the atmosphere of the group.

Most of the situations I described in the OP were hypothetical as most of my players are in LTRs or are otherwise mature enough to handle being around girls. My main concern would be that they would feel they have to pussyfoot around whenever girls are present. I included the other situations just to get a wider range of responses and experiences.

Do you have to pussyfoot around your female friends? If not, you might illustrate that to the guys at your table by being the one who gets the ball of crassness rolling.

 

[Jhaelen]

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you deal with it? I want to include a few female friends into my gaming sessions but I don't want the atmosphere of the group to change.

Well, assuming your female friends will be there to play the game, you'll just have to point out this obvious fact to your male players. Unless they're complete dorks they should be able to respect that.

I've had a similar bad experience with a male player. But said player was a big problem even when no female player was around: He couldn't roleplay for the life of him and would always get distracted by something else. He was unable to make any decisions, especially in situations that required quick thinking. I guess, the only reason why he bothered to show up was to socialize. So, the real problem with this guy was a completely different one.

Female gamers are definitely a good thing to have in a group, unless they're not interested in the game. Someone bringing his girl-friend or spouse to the game just to have her around (and she just being interested to be there because of him) will usually not work well.

So, long story short: I always try to have female gamers in my groups. They often have a different viewpoint on things and generally improve the gaming experience for everyone involved.

 

[shieldheart]

Do you have to pussyfoot around your female friends? If not, you might illustrate that to the guys at your table by being the one who gets the ball of crassness rolling.

To be honest, I'm sure I act different when I'm with my female friends from how I act when I am with my boys. Isn't that the same for everyone though?

 

[Belen]

To be honest, I'm sure I act different when I'm with my female friends from how I act when I am with my boys. Isn't that the same for everyone though?

How old are you? Seriously, this sounds more like an age/ maturity problem than a male-female problem.

If anything, we tend to be raunchier when we have women in the group. They do not change how we play in the slightest. The only problem you would have here is if the lady was encouraging some sort of special snowflake status.

If you are worried about how the guys are acting, then just send an e-mail and say "dear group, please attempt to get laid on your own time. I want to game and so does she, so restrict your fantasies to the game world when you sit at my table."

 

[The Little Raven]

To be honest, I'm sure I act different when I'm with my female friends from how I act when I am with my boys. Isn't that the same for everyone though?

Nope. All of my friends, male or female, get Brendan at full volume. The only time I act different is when I'm uncomfortable or sick or whatever, but the gender of those present has no bearing on my attitude.