Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[AtomicPope]

Wow. You haven't been at our table. We might even be worse when the women show up.

Of course, all the womenfolk at our tables (usually 2-3, to the 5-6 guys) are wives/girlfriends, and we're also all social beyond gaming (dinners, holidays, movies, board games, shopping, etc). Also, most of us are mid-to-late 30s and fairly stable, so that might be part of it.


FWIW, our game sessions are much more interesting because of the mixed group (different perspectives, different strengths, different strategies). I also think it helps that we have multiple women, not just one.

Are you sure you're not in my gaming group?

This describes my 3e group dynamic.

OP - if you're gaming with women that get offended easily then just drop them from your group. We had to drop a guy who didn't like WoD because it offended his religious sensibility. No big deal. Not everyone gets along. If your hetero life-mates can't deal with women gaming then they need to grow up. Hiding them from women only amplifies their social ineptitudes when the next female gamer arrives.

I suggest you take them to a strip club and let them get it out of their system. After seeming professional tail a gamer girl won't be so impressive. That is, if they're old enough to go to a strip club

 

[AtomicPope]

The biggest problem I have found is they tend to get pregnant.

I don't see how this is a problem. I'm in a game right now where our rogue is pregnant (in game and out of game - both accidental ). She still plays. Granted, there will be a time when she can't play for a few weeks. But I don't see how this is any different from me getting 20 extra hours each week for the next two weeks and missing my games.

Neither is planned. Both are unavoidable. It's life interfering with the game. After 20 yrs of gaming I guess I'm used to it.

On my Saturday game (which is on hold for two weeks because of me) our rogue's wife just had a baby - gratz He couldn't make it for the next two weeks. When this problem at work picked up (I'm there now), it actually worked out for everyone. Nobody wanted to brave the Caves of Chaos without their Striker. Now they won't have to.

 

[LeaderDesslok]

I suggest you take them to a strip club and let them get it out of their system. After seeming professional tail a gamer girl won't be so impressive. That is, if they're old enough to go to a strip club

I recommend everyone check out a strip club at least once. For the philosophical/scholastic benefits only of course.

 

[AtomicPope]

Wow! I just realized that both the rogue in my 3.5 game and the rogue in my 4e game have accidental pregnancies. Those scoundrels!

 

[Rel]

When running a game with female players, I just have a firm rule that nobody is allowed to flirt with them or make crude sexual references to them except me.

 

[Ourph]

I game with a group of guys who are all in their 30's to early 40's. Most of us are married, some of us have kids. We all like the chance to get away from the ladies and spend some time with just us guys. I am certain it would change the dynamic if we started including wives/girlfriends in the mix and we don't have any desire to add a stranger to the group, male or female.

That said, I've played in games with female gamers before and it's never been a problem (unless the lady in question just wasn't a very nice person, which has happened on occasion). I have seen the "drooling male" thing happen a few times (in fact, I've also seen the "drooling female" thing happen too) and it's not something I would want to be around, but the people who engage in that type of behavior are usually not people I enjoy being around period, so it's never really been an issue (I wouldn't want to play in a game with them regardless of how they act around the opposite sex).

 

[Clueless]

Huh. I haven't noticed anything despite my distinctly feminine genetics ...

Then again *I'm* the crass one at my table.


Aka: unless you fancy yourself an armchair psychologist, group dynamics shift anytime anyone of any gender enters a previously established dynamic - sometimes unpredictably for the good or ill. Try it and see how they work. The guys may be themselves and all works well, or may be themselves and turn the new lady off - or they may clean up their act, and become sullen... or then realize they *like* playing cleaner. Best bet is to institute a 'test period' to see how the dynamic works.

Myself, when I wanted to pull my SO into the group, not because he's my SO but because he's an awesome and hilarious player who I thought would click wonderfully with the group.... first, before any gaming occurred whatsoever: We all went to dinner together. If a new player (of any gender) can hold it together in a normal social environment in public - then you'll generally have a good feel for how they are at the table unless they're the Jekyll/Hyde of gaming. Your established group can express any misgivings after dinner, and you won't have the embarrassment of tossing someone out of the game after bringing them in.

(As a sidenote: He fit in perfectly, and now they're thinking of roping him into GMing when a slot opens in our schedule.)

 

[Harr]

Wow, you know your OP really hit home when it brings in a chain of "I am *definitely* not a nerd but I suspect you may be" type of posts. Seriously, some of this stuff is painful to read. The 'gamers coming forward to proclaim they aren't stereotypes but really normal successful people' movement was cool a year and a half ago.. nowadays, a bit played.

For the record, behaving the same way and not adapting your behavior to the people you are with or the situation you are at is one of the things that defines the nerdish or socially-misadapted. They are the ones who stay unrestrained and crass and snicker and giggle and tickle each other etc. whether they are with friends, with strangers, in private, in public, with men, with women, etc. This is nothing to be proud of IMHO.

To the OP, of course your friends are going to be adjusting their behavior a bit, toning it down, when a new female player joins their group for the first time. This is normal behavior of normal people and to be expected. If you talk to them a bit beforehand, make it clear that she wants to be treated like 'one of the guys', and if she indeed follows up on that and shows that she wants to, then, eventually, with time, maybe a month or two of sessions, everyone will get familiar with the situation and relax back into their old roles.

But just like that, right off the bat, no awkwardness or politeness or deference, at even the first session a female joins? That would be very weird, very incongruent, and I would not nor would I recommend getting anywhere near guys who would act, or who would think it's normal to act like that. I find the "If you're not totally comfortable with a woman from the second you meet her then you're a nerd who needs to get laid" to be extremely naive and wishful thinking, to say the least.

 

[Clueless]

When running a game with female players, I just have a firm rule that nobody is allowed to flirt with them or make crude sexual references to them except me.

... Does that apply to me too?

 

[Rel]

... Does that apply to me too?

You mean "will I flirt and make crude sexual remarks at you" or "will I let you flirt and make crude sexual remarks at other chicks in my games"?

Nevermind. The answer is Yes!