Funniest things said at the table

[Walking Paradox]

Folowing up on my previous posts about moments of stupidity and moments of brilliance at the table, how about the funniest things said or heard? Some gamign quotes, taken out of context, can be side-splittingly funny or deeply disturbing.

Here are mine:

As a player: My PC was closing in on an NPC in a stairwell. I had a pistol; he had an assault rifle. He announced his intention to resist being apprehended by firing a half-magazine burst at me; he missed, but made a lot of noise. I shouted "it's not too late for you to surrender!!!"

As a GM: This was a GURPS game, and a duel with edged weapons was about to begin between a very muscular NPC and a rather corpulent and generally un-athletic PC. I said "you realize this is sort of one-sided, right?" then I rolled 3d6, got a natural 18, and said "oops…"

 

[MarkB]

In one game, our party had encountered a badly wounded character who was in need of expert attention beyond just a few Cure spells. I, playing a dwarven cleric named Gimlet, called out "Let me do it, I have high Heal!"

Despite the crystal clarity of that statement, my fellow players somehow managed to misconstrue it, and he was forevermore known as Gimlet the high-heeled dwarf.


In an egyptian-themed game, I was playing Ismalith, a warlock of a noble family, and another player was playing his half-sister Nephirteta, a priestess. It had been a running joke that Ismalith would frequently try to undercut his sister's aloof and serene attitude by spreading gossip about how she used to do time as a temple prostitute before she got her current job.

We were exploring some ancient tombs, as you do, which were of course occupied by more than one sarcophagus, and these last were the subject of our current discussion. Out of the blue, Ismalith remarked to the others, "We really should stop using that word around Nephirteta - she's very sensitive, and it gives her flashbacks to the things she had to do when she started out in the temple."

It took a few moments, but the penny finally dropped, and ever since then, none of us has ever been able to maintain a straight face when someone mentions the word "sarcophagi".

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"My character speaks Elvis!"

 

[malcolypse]

Once had a player decide on an unusual interrogation technique in a superhero setting (He wasn't one, the players were super mercenaries).

Player(to a captured enemy thug):Tell me what I want to know, and I'll rip your arm off.

Me: He begins to shake and tells y...did you just say "and I'll rip your arm off?"

Player: Yes. What does he tell me?

Me: Um, that the BBEG's base is on his private island, and he lays out the island's defenses for you, and gives you coordinates.

Player: Great! I rip the guys arm off.

 

[Kaodi]

I do not know if it is funny, but I totally read the titled of this thread as " Feminist things said at the table " . In fact, I opened this thread hoping it was, hehehe...

 

[was]

it's just a 'little' dragon

 

[Gaming Tonic]

"My character speaks Elvis!"

I have heard this as well.

A dwarven fighter learns that he must marry in order to save the town from a wicked heir. After some guffaw over it, he states, "I'd better go wash me nethers"

Our group needed some help and decided perhaps to hire a henchman to fill out the ranks and give us an extra sword. One of the fighters in the party walks up to a guy at the tavern who was tough and grizzled looking and says, "You look like a guy with a lot of experience, and I have a proposition for you."

 

[TarionzCousin]

In a 4E campaign, the warlock continually said "I cast Ovarian Eruption" instead of "Avernian Eruption." Eventually we explained the difference to him.

It worked better against female enemies, too.

 

[Pentius]

I don't know if it's the funniest thing ever, but our party Leader has a habit of calling out "Heal me!" when he gets low on HP, and then we have to remind him he's the only one with healing abilities.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

One session, we were facing a foe who was controlling a Water Elemental to fight us...and one guy simply couldn't say the creature's name properly.

Kept calling it a Watermelon Ental.