Game session abruptly canceled

[boerngrim]

I need to put this down in writing to get it off my chest.
Here's the situation. My game group currently consists of my best friend M, his wife K and I. We play every other weekend due to his work schedule. M and I take turns DMing. They live about an hour away. I have made the drive to their house for every session for about the past year and a half. This weekend I needed to change the venue to my place because I'm feeding and letting out another friend's pets while he's out of town. I told M early last week about the needed venue change. M and wife have 2 kids age 5 and a bit over 1. M says he'll try to get his folks to watch the kids while we play. I say its no problem if they can't. Bring the kids with. He says OK. Its my understanding that this is the plan.
Today is game day. I call M today to find out what the plan is for the day. M tells me his parents can't take the kids and he and the wife don't want to bring them with, so they're not coming. I say man that sucks and we hang up.
I'm disappointed. Then I get frustrated, then I get mad. I call back to tell M that I'm mad and I think it sucks that they're cancelling our plans at the last minute. M basically tells me I'm a no good jerk for being mad. We exchange heated words, and somehow its twisted to where I'm the one who's out of line because I think people should follow through on things they have agreed to do and not cancel at the last minute. Apparently its also unreasonable for me to want to change the session to my place the odd time once a year or so.
This isn't the first time they've cancelled on me at the last minute. The other times I'd already made the drive to their place and then had the session blown. I guess I should count my blessings. At least this time I didn't have to drive an hour to be let down.

 

[Steel_Wind]

Your friend was right. You were out of line.

Disappointment does not entitle you to be a jerk - and your being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue and HIS being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue either. Spend $250 and buy a clue: what the kids MOTHER is comfortable with is the test.

Your game; you friendship - his marriage. That's a hierarchy of priorities where gaming is going to lose out from time to time.

Call him back in a few days and apologize.

By the way: the easy solution was to go to his place and game. What - the animals can't take care of themselves for 6-8 hours? Not bloody likely.

 

[boerngrim]

Your friend was right. You were out of line.

Disappointment does not entitle you to be a jerk - and your being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue and HIS being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue either. Spend $250 and buy a clue: what the kids MOTHER is comfortable with is the test.

Your game; you friendship - his marriage. That's a hierarchy of priorities where gaming is going to lose out from time to time.

Call him back in a few days and apologize.

With respect Steel_Wind
Expressing my dissappointment makes me a jerk?
Here's a clue for you: The kids' mother K was in on the planning from the get go.
I don't expect anyone to place me or D&D before their family. I expect just the opposite in fact. I never said my feelings were reasonable or logical, but that doesn't make them any less valid. Thank you though for your considerate thoughts.

 

[Paraxis]

You are not out of line.

Don't let someone tell you how to feel about something, this made you mad you had the right and the obligation to your friendship to tell him it made you mad.

Now, if the issue is getting mad over this a reasonable response I say yes as well.

You have a scheduled plan to meet and game every two weeks. The last minute cancellation is the issue, he should have been honest with you the day after he talked to his wife and she said she had concerns about taking the kids. Trust me that conversation took place the night of your phone call to him.

Ohh and the comment on what the mother wants being more important than the father is total (something Eric's grandma would not like).

This is coming from a single 31 year old father of two with full custody who goes over to his best friends house and once a week to game taking my two kids. (Also close to an hour drive) The reason him, and his wife play and they have 3 kids. So it's less of an inconvenience for them, but if I needed them to come over and they pulled this on me it would make me very mad as well.

Now, yes you should be mad and yes you should have told him so, and he and his wife are in the wrong. But something life has taught me stuff like this is not important really, you got it off your chest he will probably never see your side and that sucks but the important thing is the friendship. Friends last a lot longer then anything else in this world if you don't let things like this get out of hand, if he doesn't apologize soon be the better person and apologize for the perceived misgivings on your part. "I'm sorry for the way this upset you" best cop out line ever you don't apologize for your actions which in this case you shouldn't but thats not what he hears and the friendship continues. Maybe if his wife is not really into gaming then you guys could meet every two weeks at a FLGS without his family.

 

[Rhun]

You are absolutely not out of line. You have every right to express your disappointment. ESPECIALLY if this is not the first time they've cancelled on you at the last minute.

 

[Wycen]

Two months ago we had 3 people suddenly cancel with hours of notice. But we have a large group and that left 4 people plus the DM. Well, that cancellation prompted a married couple to cancel with even less notice.

The DM called off the game and sent me an angry email saying he was considering dropping the game and restarted exactly where we left off, but with a new group and I was included in that new group.

Obviously he was pissed off. So was I. But he slept on it and in the morning I found a new email saying never mind, he was tired, (which I translated as he calmed down).

Make a long story short I told him maybe it was time to look outside the box for a solution and I promptly told the people in my Monday night game that we could switch to Sunday nights, since I could no longer see why I should stop the group from doing this, I was the only one who wanted a game both nights and with this suddenly game cancellation it meant we wouldn't be playing for over a month on Sundays.

Anyway, I don't think you were out of line. You could have let it go for the night and responded the next day, but I certainly understand your point of view at the time.

 

[boerngrim]

You see the thing is this won't be the end of our friendship. It can't be. M is more than my best friend. He's my nephew. His father is my older brother. He was born when I was ten years old. I held him as an infant and looked down at him and I loved him just because he was there. I was too young to understand why I loved him I just did. I don't have any children of my own and probably never will. I'm totally inept at romance. Big surprise huh. He is the closest thing to a son I have. I love his wife and children as well and I would never accept him putting me or anything else before them.

 

[Steel_Wind]

With respect Steel_Wind
Expressing my dissappointment makes me a jerk?

No. Exchanging heated words over it does.

If that is not self-evident to you and others reading and replying to this - then nothing I say is going to matter.

 

[Blood Jester]

Your feelings were more than reasonable.

Steel Wind is out of line.

I'll leave it at that.

 

[crazy_cat]

No. Exchanging heated words over it does.

If that is not self-evident to you and others reading and replying to this - then nothing I say is going to matter.

QFT.