Gaming, Adults, and Growing Up

[lamia]

I think I shall stop lurking and post..
I highly recommend seeing how serious she was about this. A passing comment on the way to the mall may be nothing to worry about, but if it's more than that be careful! I am one of those ladies who married super young, and the ex-husband was very jealous of any time I spent not focused on him. I wound up with no friends, no hobbies, no life! I've been out of that mess for a few years now, the current boyfriend and I game together twice a week with different groups (he dm's one, I dm the other) and I am a thousand times happier! Not to be all doom and gloom, it may not be a huge thing. But it's definitely a conversation you should have. Gamers and non-gamers can live happily ever after, but definitely make sure you reach some kind of understanding pre-marriage!

 

[Hussar]

Slightly off topic, but it begs the question: Why shouldn't adults play games?

Recall the parlor games the adults play in Christmas Carol? Once upon a time it was socially acceptable for adults to play games in the company of other adults. Now it is more acceptable to sit passively and watch other people play games, which makes no sense to me.

Well, card games have long been acceptable for groups of adults, at least in my neck of the woods. Euchre is pretty much a staple any time two couples are sitting around a kitchen table.

But, by the same token, board games are really making a strong resurgence as well. I recently started up a monthly board game night with a handful of my adult students (ages range from 21 to 60) and it's been a smash. People really LOVE board games.

 

[Hairfoot]

she thinks that I am too wrapped up in all my "games", as she puts them

They are games. Can I ask what you'd prefer she call them?

From my perspective it's puzzling that you don't move on and find a girl who either plays games or thinks it's fine, but I also remember what it was like to feel as though women are never, ever into those sorts of activities.

As a matter of fact, millions are. They're online right now, on forums dedicated to cosplay, fan-fic and Ren fairs, despairing that all the men they meet criticise their nerdy hobbies for being "childish".

 

[Mark Chance]

Marriage advice for men, with links to parts two and three. Applicable to men seeking marriage as well.

 

[Werebat]

To the OP:

This is a foreshadowing of what your entire marriage will be like. Think about that.

Not knowing either of the personalities involved, all I can do is say that if you give in on this now and stop gaming, you will not be able to get back into it ever again without a tremendous amount of hassle.

There are things at stake here far greater than whether or not you'll be "allowed" to play a game of D&D.

 

[Werebat]

That's just ridiculous. A person can be an avid video gamer and still live a balanced life as an adult. Video games can also be a very social activity whether gathering for multiplayer games or playing MMOs. The idea that video games are only for kids is ludicrous.

Agreed -- however, MMORPGs can be taken too far and detrimental to relationships. In our gaming circle, at least two people (and I strongly suspect a third) have had marital problems specifically due to too much time spent on WoW.

 

[Jdvn1]

I think the problem is in terminology. A game is something you can easily leave behind, a hobby is a longer investment. I think that's how you should approach it and sell it--"hobby," not "game."

 

[xipetotec]

Funny thing actually. As far as Tabletop RPG's, I've just gotten into them hardcore at 36. So "grow up" ? I guess I'm growing down.

To be fair, I've always liked other "geeky" things, computer ( later console ) games, sci-fi/fantasy, but I never saw a need to leave any of this behind as long as I take care of my responsibilities.

What is "growing up" anyway? If you enjoy something, it doesn't matter as long as it doesn't CONSUME your life and you still have time for the people you love around you and take care of your responsibilities.

On a last note, I think it is very sad and annoying that we live in a world where painting your entire body your tema's colors and knowing sports scores and statistics for hundreds of players and teams is considered "grown up and socially acceptable" and not geeky at all, but these sort of things are... Oh well...

 

[Umbran]

You won't take my advice, but I'm going to offer it anyway:

Do not marry this girl.

From my perspective it's puzzling that you don't move on and find a girl who either plays games or thinks it's fine, but I also remember what it was like to feel as though women are never, ever into those sorts of activities.

This is a foreshadowing of what your entire marriage will be like. Think about that.

You shouldn't enter into a marriage with the expectation that your partner will, in the future, meet specific goals you've predetermined for them - no "marry them today, change their ways tomorrow". But you should enter into marriage (or any dedicated relationship) expecting to work through differences.

Long-lasting, loving relationships take a lot of work. Romantic fictions are fictions - in the real world, other people don't perfectly understand you, or your needs, without you putting some effort in. And, that effort is required for the life of the relationship - you stop putting in that effort, your relationship will wither.

Giving up on what is otherwise a positive relationship because someone doesn't share or misunderstands one aspect of your life? Giving up without even trying to work through it?

Well, yeah, if you aren't going to be dedicated enough to try, you should abandon the relationship. But then, until you are willing to try, you shouldn't be in any dedicated relationship at all.

 

[Umbran]

For the record, gaming IS immature - but so is playing most childhood games as an adult, including football, baseball, and golf.

Children play games. Therefore playing games is immature.

Children breathe air, and eat food. Therefore, breathing air and eating food is immature?

Children get a number of benefits from playing games. They train and hone the mind (and body, if we are including sports). At some point, someone got the idea that adults have no need for honing their minds and bodies. This idea... to me, seems to have very little merit.