Gaming, Adults, and Growing Up

[xipetotec]

Children play games. Therefore playing games is immature.

Children breathe air, and eat food. Therefore, breathing air and eating food is immature?

Children get a number of benefits from playing games. They train and hone the mind (and body, if we are including sports). At some point, someone got the idea that adults have no need for honing their minds and bodies. This idea... to me, seems to have very little merit.

Walt Disney ( the man, not the company ) created a form of entertainment that was aimed at "everyone". He didn't believe in talking down to children and wanted to provide entertainment that was, granted, "family friendly" but not AIMED at children. In fact, he did a lot of cartoons and comic strips for soldiers during the war to lighten their spirits. ( So I guess they were just children playing war ). Somewhere along the line, cartoons and comics were shrugged off as kid's stuff and the very name "Mickey Mouse" became synonymous with something that is fluff and childlike.

Adults should only be concerned with their stocks and bonds, sex and alcohol, and supporting their hometown sports team don't ya know.

 

[Tamlyn]

In my mind it's all about balance. You need to do something that entertains you and helps you recharge. She needs the same. But this is also a relationship involving two people. In order for that relationship there needs to be time and activity together. You two need to figure out what works for you. And you need to figure out if the root of her statement is that she doesn't like what you do to entertain yourself (this statement should be taken entirely innocently) or that she doesn't like the amount of time spent away from her. Then figure out if you guys can balance that out.

I didn't even get into gaming until after I was married, and by then my wife already knew I was a geek. But she totally encourages me to spend time with my friends. Our balance works out to me gaming every other week for 4-5 hours. And I squeeze that between all the family obligations like church, school, mutual friends, kids' soccer, her spending time with her friends, etc...

I guess this is illustrated by the fiance of a new player I brought in. She didn't get it either until she was hanging out with my wife at our house while we were playing. She heard us laughing and joking for 4 straight hours. She understood that it was more than "just playing a game". This was his time with friends to relax and recharge. Now while they're trying to figure out what their married life together will be, they're balancing in his time to game with her personal recreation too.

Neither my wife nor my friend's fiance has any interest in playing and they still think/know that we're geeks. But they encourage us to get our geek on as long as it doesn't detract from family obligations.

Of course, all of the above is IMHO, YMMV.

 

[Hungry Like The Wolf]

She could just be a little worried. I mean, she knows nothing about the game right? From her perspective, she could be worried that the man she's considering for marriage is still playing with toys. A lot of people are image orientated and so that ill-informed view of roleplaying could lead to her believing you will be a burden as a life-partner and not an equal.

How about talking to her and finding out why she doesn't like you gaming so much.

 

[xipetotec]

In my mind it's all about balance. You need to do something that entertains you and helps you recharge. She needs the same. But this is also a relationship involving two people. In order for that relationship there needs to be time and activity together. You two need to figure out what works for you. And you need to figure out if the root of her statement is that she doesn't like what you do to entertain yourself (this statement should be taken entirely innocently) or that she doesn't like the amount of time spent away from her. Then figure out if you guys can balance that out.

I didn't even get into gaming until after I was married, and by then my wife already knew I was a geek. But she totally encourages me to spend time with my friends. Our balance works out to me gaming every other week for 4-5 hours. And I squeeze that between all the family obligations like church, school, mutual friends, kids' soccer, her spending time with her friends, etc...

I guess this is illustrated by the fiance of a new player I brought in. She didn't get it either until she was hanging out with my wife at our house while we were playing. She heard us laughing and joking for 4 straight hours. She understood that it was more than "just playing a game". This was his time with friends to relax and recharge. Now while they're trying to figure out what their married life together will be, they're balancing in his time to game with her personal recreation too.

Neither my wife nor my friend's fiance has any interest in playing and they still think/know that we're geeks. But they encourage us to get our geek on as long as it doesn't detract from family obligations.

Of course, all of the above is IMHO, YMMV.

I'm in pretty much the same boat. Except in my case she is marginally on board! I say marginally because she has ZERO interest in 4E ( which makes me very sad ), but *loves* Call of Cthulhu as do the kids ( 12,15,17 ) and two of our neighbors. So it makes for interesting game groups

She still thinks I'm a geek though

 

[Jeff Wilder]

At some point, someone got the idea that adults have no need for honing their minds and bodies. This idea... to me, seems to have very little merit.

Please refrain from political posts.

 

[Dausuul]

Please refrain from political posts.

...What?

 

[Umbran]

...What?

I thought he was being funny. And I'll continue to think so, whether he likes it or not

 

[Starman]

...What?

I believe your Sarcasm Meter needs to be recalibrated. A tachyon pulse may have caused it to malfunction.

 

[xipetotec]

Please refrain from political posts.

lol

 

[WizarDru]

Video games, on the other hand, are IMO time wasters. If we're talking about video games here I agree with your girlfriend, they should not be a significant part of an adult's life. There is no compelling reason for an adult with responsibilities to set aside 50 hours to play the newest God of War or whatever, and it makes you seem selfish for spending so much time with them.

I realize you've decided to drop this line of discussion, but I felt I should make comment on it. Your presumption seems to be that video games are a solitary endeavor and that it's selfish to waste time on them when you could be spending time with your family. I would suggest that would be true, if you were to secret yourself away in some hidden basement chamber, bathed only in the glow of a tv's light, far from those you love. My experience is actually the opposite of that.

My son and I play video games TOGETHER. A cooperative game of Halo: Reach Firefight, for example. Letting my son my find Golden Eggs in Angry Birds, for another. My daughter and I play Raving Rabbids together and we all play Guilty Party as a family. My wife plays few video games...she prefers RPGs and puzzle games (though in her youth she played Doom, Rise of the Triad and so forth). Having said that, she HELPS ME play games.

When I was playing Red Dead Redemption, she'd check on locations of items or quests. When playing Darksiders, she would help me with some of the puzzles, at which she is much better at solving than I am. When playing Assassin's Creed 2, she would pull up an interactive map at the laptop and help me hunt down items or tell me what I'd need to do to earn an achievement. When playing many games, my wife and son make me promise not to fight a boss or finish a story sequence unless they're there to see the battle/cut-scene/etc.

So even a single-player game is a social experience in my house. Multiplayer games? There are many and they see use. Whether it's Mario Kart with relatives, Soul Calibur IV with friends when they come over, Carcasonne with the wife on the couch, split-screen racing games or four-player Horde Mode in Gears of War 2...video games can be a profoundly social experience.

Just last Saturday, my entire gaming group got together...with our kids AND our spouses/girlfriends. And we ROCKED OUT to Rock Band 3, switching in and out of positions while getting food, singing along and enjoying the party atmosphere. Video games a selfish, solitary experience? I'm sorry that's how you view them. Luckily, that hasn't been my experience (or the experience of many).