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Gaming, Adults, and Growing Up
- Thread starter DM Howard
- Start date
(Slightly offtopic).
Myers-Briggs descriptions sound similar to astrology readings.
They should certainly be taken with a grain of salt. As far as I know, there's little in the way of psych research to suggest that Myers-Briggs tests can predict anything about people other than what they get on a Myers-Briggs test. Some research indicates they don't even do very well at that.
Pity really, the concepts are quite interesting.
WizarDru
Adventurer
But your 6 year-old isn't necessarily to young for RPGs. Check out the Young Person's Adventure League!
billd91
Not your screen monkey (he/him) 🇺🇦🇵🇸🏳️⚧️
He has, actually, dabbled a little with Pathfinder. But he just can't sit still long enough yet to really play.
Rambling advice from the future
Well OP, I've taken a couple of days to read through this whole thread, and having done so, and seen recommendations ranging from 'dump your future intended' to 'maybe she'll like to RP if given the chance' (maybe she will, I don't know) I don't feel qualified to give *you personally* any advice. Real advice I mean, for a real issue, not easy internet advice. A lot of people here are saying some very sensible things, though.
So I'm going to go back in time and give my 21 year old self some advice, because I can relate to him, and if you can get anything out of it that's great:
"Rassilon, thanks for coming by. I just wanted to say that you have absolutely no idea the changes that are coming in the next 10 and 20 years. There is something called growing up, and compared the freedoms, and frankly restricted horizons coupled with the sense of infinite possibility that you enjoy now, it might seem pretty sucky.
The details don't matter, whether are work, mortgage, kids, the growing realisation that average people have average lives, or all of them. This 'growing up' adds all sorts of barriers and challenges to other things - like boozing with mates, or swimming every day, or throwing some dice - that you might otherwise want to be doing. But this isn't the whole story:
Part of this mysterious process involves what you want changing. I know, I know, it doesn't seem likely, but trust me on this. Maybe it will be working some extra hours to get that nice house, maybe the endless hours of care and attention that kids will require, but at some point you are going to deliberately, not all at once, but deliberately choose to do things that mean that there is a LOT less time for casual / fun activities. And you will, I think, be happy with those choices. But fun things are, after all, still fun. And all duty makes for (so I'm told) boring booty.
The trick then will be to schedule those fun activities, so that they do happen. And the trick then is to have picked a longterm partner, and be the kind of longterm partner, who works hard and willingly to ensure you both get time together, and time to nourish your own souls doing your own things - doesn't matter if it's RPG or something else - amongst all the rest of a busy and demanding life.
How you go about choosing that person, and being that person, I'd say that's individual enough that even I, future Rassilon, can't advise you. That or I just want to avoid spoilers."
[Advice to past self ends]
And back in the present, I'd just like to say that the advice works, and to apologise for those irregular tremors that shake the planet. Those are caused by my completely non-gamer wife literally shifting the earth to make sure I get to RP sometimes.
-Rassilon
Well OP, I've taken a couple of days to read through this whole thread, and having done so, and seen recommendations ranging from 'dump your future intended' to 'maybe she'll like to RP if given the chance' (maybe she will, I don't know) I don't feel qualified to give *you personally* any advice. Real advice I mean, for a real issue, not easy internet advice. A lot of people here are saying some very sensible things, though.
So I'm going to go back in time and give my 21 year old self some advice, because I can relate to him, and if you can get anything out of it that's great:
"Rassilon, thanks for coming by. I just wanted to say that you have absolutely no idea the changes that are coming in the next 10 and 20 years. There is something called growing up, and compared the freedoms, and frankly restricted horizons coupled with the sense of infinite possibility that you enjoy now, it might seem pretty sucky.
The details don't matter, whether are work, mortgage, kids, the growing realisation that average people have average lives, or all of them. This 'growing up' adds all sorts of barriers and challenges to other things - like boozing with mates, or swimming every day, or throwing some dice - that you might otherwise want to be doing. But this isn't the whole story:
Part of this mysterious process involves what you want changing. I know, I know, it doesn't seem likely, but trust me on this. Maybe it will be working some extra hours to get that nice house, maybe the endless hours of care and attention that kids will require, but at some point you are going to deliberately, not all at once, but deliberately choose to do things that mean that there is a LOT less time for casual / fun activities. And you will, I think, be happy with those choices. But fun things are, after all, still fun. And all duty makes for (so I'm told) boring booty.
The trick then will be to schedule those fun activities, so that they do happen. And the trick then is to have picked a longterm partner, and be the kind of longterm partner, who works hard and willingly to ensure you both get time together, and time to nourish your own souls doing your own things - doesn't matter if it's RPG or something else - amongst all the rest of a busy and demanding life.
How you go about choosing that person, and being that person, I'd say that's individual enough that even I, future Rassilon, can't advise you. That or I just want to avoid spoilers."
[Advice to past self ends]
And back in the present, I'd just like to say that the advice works, and to apologise for those irregular tremors that shake the planet. Those are caused by my completely non-gamer wife literally shifting the earth to make sure I get to RP sometimes.
-Rassilon
Hussar
Legend
Depending on where you live, this isn't actually true. I know that in my province (Ontario) once you've been living together for six consecutive months, you are considered common-law married and thus, pretty much the same as married as far as division of property goes if you split up. So, really, not getting married is no protection from the "legal hassle".
Yeah, my 12 year old actually does NOT LIKE D&D... he's a lot more into the RP than the G
. He likes that CoC concentrates a lot more on characters and investigation than a lot of tactical. The other two don't care, they like D&D and Star Wars Saga ( which are the other two games we've played ).
Oh! And they all like DREAD
Pbartender
First Post
Yeah... You're right, I'd half forgotten about that.
However, it's interesting to note that a period of cohabitation alone does not mean you are common law married... The only real difference between it and ordinary marriage is that common law marriage is not licensed by the government and requires no vows.
Essentially, if you've lived together long enough, you CAN jointly choose to be common law married without a ceremony and without a marriage license, but it doesn't mean you automatically become common law married without any effort on your part.
In Washington DC, for example, it's defined as, "A marriage that is legally recognized even though there has been no ceremony and there is no certification of marriage. A common-law marriage exists if the two persons are legally free to marry, if it is the intent of the two persons to establish a marriage, and if the two are known to the community as husband and wife."
It's kind of like squatter's rights on your significant other.
Only a few US states (Alabama, Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and Washington DC) allow common law marriage any more... It's not a very common thing in the US.
FYI, I live on the Arkansas-Oklahoma border. In Arkansas, if you cohabitate with some one for six months, they are considered your common law spouse. They entitled to the same rights as any other spouse. However, it is much easier to divorce them .
In Oklahoma, it is only six weeks but it carries the stipulation that they must have some way contributted to the household. Contributions can be financial, but can also include household chores and similar actions.
As to the OP: many people have already said the same thing I would have to say. Speaking as some one whose longest relationship is 2.5 years, I am probably not qualified to give advice. That being said, I have learned that it does not really matter how much you care for some one if there is something about one of the pair that the other finds distasteful. It might be gaming, as in this case and as it has been for me in the past; or, it might be a philosophical difference. The problem is not whether or not gaming is childish any more then the problem is whether she's country and you're rock and roll. Rather, it is the fact that there is point of friction between two people that, as people in a relationship, should simply accept as part of the package. I don't mean to be flippant or dismissive, but it brings to mind a line from Pirates of the Carribbean: "It all comes down to what you can live with, and what you can't." If you have to change it, or if you have to complain about it, then you can't really live with it.
.In Oklahoma, it is only six weeks but it carries the stipulation that they must have some way contributted to the household. Contributions can be financial, but can also include household chores and similar actions.
As to the OP: many people have already said the same thing I would have to say. Speaking as some one whose longest relationship is 2.5 years, I am probably not qualified to give advice. That being said, I have learned that it does not really matter how much you care for some one if there is something about one of the pair that the other finds distasteful. It might be gaming, as in this case and as it has been for me in the past; or, it might be a philosophical difference. The problem is not whether or not gaming is childish any more then the problem is whether she's country and you're rock and roll. Rather, it is the fact that there is point of friction between two people that, as people in a relationship, should simply accept as part of the package. I don't mean to be flippant or dismissive, but it brings to mind a line from Pirates of the Carribbean: "It all comes down to what you can live with, and what you can't." If you have to change it, or if you have to complain about it, then you can't really live with it.
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