Gaming and Friendship (for DM's)

[gothwalk]

It depends on the campaign, really. I run about three in parallel. One of those is a casual game, run in a particular house, with a core of players that usually are there, and more who drift in and out. There are four who've always been there, pretty much, and as many as ten others in and out over time. I don't mind who plays in that one; most of them have become friends, some remain just acquaintances. We've a new player starting in that game this week.

A second campaign is run for a specific group of people - there are no more people coming in or out of it. They're all friends.

And the third, the serious one I invest most time in, is definitely and specifically friends-only. I screen heavily for it, and in six years, we've only had five players, four of whom are still playing - the other one moved to another country, which makes it awkward. I have no problems with telling other people, no, your style wouldn't match. Most people accept that, and play in the first campaign if they want to.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

I'm not asking for characters to be lawful stupid. I want characters who care, who want to be heroes, aren’t scared of doing the right thing, and players who try to help make the campaign more heroic.

Remember, the DM is just as, if not more so, important than the players. Players don't always come first.

May I please borrow this? I feel the same way.

DM

 

[Jdvn1]

Most of the time, I game with only friends. There was one long-running campaign I played in with some other people and they became friends. That's pretty common with me, though.

We're not opposed to letting new people in -- we'll give most people a shot as long as they don't have soem blatantly obvious annoying quality (smell, etc).

 

[DarrenGMiller]

First off, thanks for some really helpful replies. It seems that I am not alone in my quandary.

Let me add that I have a busy life with work and family and only get a few hours a week of gaming (and since the group has been on hiatus, that has gone to none). I really value my gaming time and want the best experience possible.

Let me also add that the friends in question are pretty much just gaming friends. We call and talk to each other occasionally, though the topic is usually gaming unless somebody needs help, at which time we all generally show up to help. We don't have much in common as a whole group outside of the game, though there are several cliques that hang out together. We were mostly not friends before the game and are not extremely socially close after gaming together for from 6 months to 4 years.

Thanks again!

DM

 

[Baron Opal]

Screening Process

You really need to have a screening process for gaming. It is such an investment of time, money, and energy that you have to control the type of people that you invite to your house. Now, for me, when I moved to a new area I put up notices here and at the LGS. I had several conditions that I thought I made clear. I chatted with people for a couple minutes on the phone and if they met the requirements I invited them to a nosh at a local pub. I and my wife and son met those that showed up, and the ones that we were comfortable with got invited to the house.

Gaming is a social event for me. Those who game with us have become good friends. With my schedule I game for 4-6 hours every other week, it is by necesity a casual game as my son has special needs and sometimes I've had to call the game after only 1-2 hours. While I don't require people to be in my game to be friends with me, those in my game often become my friends. You are going to spend a lot of time, often intense time, with these people. You have to make sure that you like them, at the very least.

Baron Opal

 

[DragonLancer]

May I please borrow this? I feel the same way.

DM

Go for it.

Its good to know that I'm not alone.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

We only game with friends. Which is fine since we meet at someone's house. They have the ultimate right to say who is invited and who is told "no".

But, it's different at cons. There we are mostly gaming with strangers. Some I know do game with buddies they know but only get to game with at cons. I usually end up gaming with strangers.... it adds a different "mix" than just gaming with friends.

 

[Ravellion]

We as a group of friends decided to start playing D&D at one point in time. The Netherlands being a small and very densely populated country, it is unlikely that we'll ever game with others. Well, recently we do have one new player in the group, but it's someone we have known for 4 years now.

There is some screening though: one of my friends can't ever make it in the weekends. Another can only make it to the game in the weekends. I basically had to choose (between my two best roleplayers as well, dagnabbit).

Rav

 

[S'mon]

People I game with I typically develop friendships with, though they don't always necessarily extend to extensive interactions beyond a gaming context.

Same here - I don't limit games to existing friends (wouldn't have much regular RPing if I did, since most of my close friends are in other countries), most people I RP with become casual friends over time, occasionally I make a close friend through gaming. As GM when I start a new campaign I advertise for new players & meet a whole new bunch of people!

 

[Southern Oracle]

When our group first formed, we were all strangers...we just happened to meet at the local gaming store and decided to play D&D. During that time, we took in anybody who showed at the shop at game time and wanted to play. After a couple years, the shop went out of business and we had to find somewhere else to play, so we moved to my house. We've been playing here for a year now, but no longer have access to new interested players. From time to time one of the guys will bring his current girlfriend, but they never seem to stick around (although the relationships sometimes last, the girlfriends lose interest in the game).
I consider all the guys in our group friends now, rather than just gaming buddies. Sometimes we get together to go to the movies, and we help each other out with moving, cleaning up each other's yards, etc. If one of them wanted to invite someone else to the group, we'd give them the benefit of the doubt.