Gaming and Friendship (for DM's)

[JoeGKushner]

So I try to go out of my way to make sure that whatever game I'm running appeals to everybody on some level because to exclude them from a given campaign pretty much excludes them from the hobby for some time period.

Now of course they could hunt around for other local groups to game with if a campaign idea was floated that they didn't mesh well with. But I think that would be a bit hurtful to them and I would rather be gaming with these guys than gaming without these guys, even if it means that some system or genre I'd rather play has to take a back seat to that desire.

YMMV.

Now what if you make a game that doesn't appeal to one person, but everyone else loves it? Or what if everyone's just "m'eh" about the game because it has features everyone wants, but doesnt' feature any of those things prominently? Do you do a majority vote or ?

 

[robberbaron]

I game with friends but, occasionally someone brings along a friend of a friend who then becomes my friend. Got that?

Actually, I don't necessarily have to really like the others, just not really dislike them.

Rob's Third Law states that "Everybody is an arehole sometimes".

Haven't yet come to the point where a fellow gamer is an arehole often enough to cause discontent. Just lucky, I guess.

 

[Americano]

My group consists entirely of family and friends.

I think it adds a lot to the game to have that familiarity with those you are playing with.

 

[francisca]

Group 1: This group meets in my home, where I DM. It is composed of my wife, 4 co-workers, and a friend who I met through work years ago, and is in fact the Godfather of one of my sons. I do/have/would hang out with any of these people outside of gaming.

Group 2: Five years ago, I joined this group, which has been mostly intact for over 20 years. I got invited by the DM, who I worked with briefly back in 1997, and stayed in touch with. I can see myself haning with everybody at the table, but as they are in Indy, and I am in W. Lafayette, I only see them on gamedays.

Group 3: RPGA. I and one of the guys from group #1 were invited by the DM, who we bumped into at GenCon. He was shocked to see us, and is very much a "closet" gamer. A couple of the guys are cool, and I would invite to my home group, if there was room at the table. The others I can do without, but it isn't too big of an issue.

So all in all, I game with people I like. I'd quit before I gamed with a group that I had to "endure".

 

[Odhanan]

How many of you game only with "friends"? (As opposed to a fluid, casual gaming group)

For me the way you ask the question is a bit of a paradox.

See, I play with friends, with people I know and respect *prior* to the game precisely because the hobby of RPG is one that supposes sociability first. If I play with people I don't know, I will be on the defensive, weary of mistakes I could do, how I look, behave etc etc. At least more than with friends I know.

How many of you use some screening method for determining the players in your games? (As opposed to letting in anyone who wants to be in the game, or anyone who you are close to who wants to be in the game)

I screen people coming to my table just like I would screen people coming to a friday night party with me : I consider who gets along with whom, discuss with those who might bring some RL issues at the game table, and it all goes fine.

Am I wrong to choose not to game with a friend? Does it mean I really don't want that person's friendship?

Depends on the reason why you are refusing not to play with that friend. If that is because you are scared that your friendship will end, then that means that you probably do not believe you are friends in the first place (since, by my standards at least, being *friends* implies that you trust the other and feel like you are *yourself* with that person).

If that is for another reason, then I can't tell you. Some other reason might prove to be justified, like you are a really really sore loser, you have a bad comportment in games in general, you know it, and don't want your friend to suffer from this "dark side" of yours. Who knows ?

Let's just say it that way : if you don't have any other reason to ban friends from your game table than fear for your friendship with them, then don't - Trust your friends, and enjoy the game together.

Hope this helps, Wolf.
Odh

 

[Stockdale]

Like Teflon Billy, I agree with AlishO's (sp) comment. Gaming in my group is a social activity. About 50% of it is spent gaming, the rest is spent BSing. Life's too short to sepnd with people you dont like.

 

[Rel]

Now what if you make a game that doesn't appeal to one person, but everyone else loves it? Or what if everyone's just "m'eh" about the game because it has features everyone wants, but doesnt' feature any of those things prominently? Do you do a majority vote or ?

Fair question. I think that one of the reasons why our group succeeds as a gaming group in general is that we're not all that picky about things like the setting or genre. All of us would have (and have had) a good time playing, D&D, Mage, Star Wars, Cyberpunk, Warhammer FRP and a host of other systems and settings. What I've discovered is key is making sure each guy gets the "emotional kick" (to use a Robin Laws term) that is the primary reason he likes roleplaying as a hobby.

If I make sure that the story is compelling for the Storyteller, make sure there's combat for the Butt Kicker, make sure there's a chance for the Specialist to shine while doing "his specialty" and make sure the game actually takes place for the Casual Gamer types then things seem to go pretty smoothly. But I wouldn't, for example, run a game that is intensely focused on politics and intrigue to the exclusion of much in the way of "action" because I know that, even though the Storyteller might like it, it would bore the Butt Kicker and Powergamer in the group.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

If that's true then I may have misunderstood the issue. I was under the impression that he was trying to recruit a subset of the current group for a new game and possibly including some "outsiders" on the basis of each person's suitability for this particular game.

I guess I got the impression that Wolf was saying, "I'm gearing up to run a Silver Age Supers game (to use Joe's example upthread) and George, you're not invited to play because I know that this genre is not your thing. And, by the way, meet Bob. Bob here LOVES Silver Age Supers campaigns so he'll be joining us."

If that were the case then I can see the potential for bruised egos and hurt feelings.

Replace "Silver Age Supers" with "Classic Style Greyhawk" and you are spot on.

DM

 

[DarrenGMiller]

Perhaps I am misunderstanding the issue - but I think that it's somewhat petty for your old friends to get angry because you might be making new friends. What's wrong with having a "subset" of the current group? The original poster isn't going to stop *being friends* with the old group - he's just choosing to engage in a specific activity with a new group, while (hopefully) maintaining friendship with the "originals."

But maybe I'm reading it all wrong. It has happened.

You are reading it correctly.

DM

 

[Odhanan]

I guess I got the impression that Wolf was saying, "I'm gearing up to run a [Classic Style Greyhawk] and George, you're not invited to play because I know that this genre is not your thing. And, by the way, meet Bob. Bob here LOVES Silver Age Supers campaigns so he'll be joining us."

If your friend, Wolf, is not invited, how will he ever get the chance to like Greyhawk and see it the way you do ? Personally, I would propose any friend to come enjoy a Greyhawk campaign, and let them decide if they want to play or not. It's not my role to think they won't be interested. They might, you never know, plus there wouldn't be any hurt feelings since they would decide by themselves.