D&D General Gen Con, Daisy, Sleeping in the Lobby and All That

[Umbran]

The reason this doesn't happen is because the victims are embarrassed about the situation, but that's also one of the things that keeps it happening.

In general, no, they aren't "embarrassed" by the situation. That's an inaccurate and rather dismissive description of the situation.

 

[Umbran]

Long term is there no room for a redemption arc for Daisy?

Sure. But "redemption" is not "and now I get to go back to doing exactly what I was doing as if nothing ever happened".

 

[MGibster]

This is by far the best way, but I can tell you from experience that this is too expensive for most cons. When I was volunteering in my youth, we would cram as many people into a hotel room as allowed. And then add some more for good measure.

I figured this was the asnwer. In my opinion, they need to figure out another solution. Something like this will happen again, and even if the con/organization doesn't have any legal liability, it's publicity they don't want.

Sure. But "redemption" is not "and now I get to go back to doing exactly what I was doing as if nothing ever happened.

Yeah. Sometimes you burn a bridge and there's just no way of going back no matter how contrite you might be.

 

[Umbran]

Yeah. Sometimes you burn a bridge and there's just no way of going back no matter how contrite you might be.

And, if your goal in redemption is getting your job back, maybe you don't understand redemption. Redemption isn't about regaining privileges you lost. It is about not being a bad human.

 

[Shiroiken]

Gen Con can do better about this and should.

Out of curiosity, how? Unless Daisy had a known history of this type of behavior, which appears not to be the case, there's nothing anyone could have done until the victim came forward (and everyone should be thankful she did). I've seen people asleep in the lobby of hotel cons before, even doing it myself once waiting for my roommate, so the assumption of something nefarious isn't necessarily obvious for the hotel or convention. GenCon should make an announcement about it, as Kobold Press has done, but outside of keeping Daisy from attending any future con, what can they do to stop future incidents?

 

[Umbran]

I've seen people asleep in the lobby of hotel cons before, even doing it myself once waiting for my roommate, so the assumption of something nefarious isn't necessarily obvious for the hotel or convention.

And, my note about sleeping in the lobby isn't about "something nefarious". It is a more basic issue.

 

[MGibster]

And, my note about sleeping in the lobby isn't about "something nefarious". It is a more basic issue.

It seems odd to me that anyone would just sleep in a hotel lobby, but maybe the staff is a little more lax or busy during con season or something. I'd love to hear from anyone in the hospitality industry about this kind of thing. I haven't seen anyone sleeping in a lobby, but I've seen them sleeping in the hallways or a ballroom before.

 

[Gradine]

It seems odd to me that anyone would just sleep in a hotel lobby, but maybe the staff is a little more lax or busy during con season or something. I'd love to hear from anyone in the hospitality industry about this kind of thing. I haven't seen anyone sleeping in a lobby, but I've seen them sleeping in the hallways or a ballroom before.

I managed a hotel with a convention hall for years, and while we were comparatively tiny, I can say with absolute certainty that we would never allow a person to sleep in the lobby, and we would directly address the situation.

 

[MGibster]

I managed a hotel with a convention hall for years, and while we were comparatively tiny, I can say with absolute certainty that we would never allow a person to sleep in the lobby, and we would directly address the situation.

What's your policy on random people showing up to take advantage of the free continental breakfast?

 

[SteveC]

In general, no, they aren't "embarrassed" by the situation. That's an inaccurate and rather dismissive description of the situation.

As much as I don't like disagreeing with you, I'm going to have to here. Yes, embarrassment is often one of the first things that comes up in these situations. I'm not saying it should or that it has any factual reason to, but yes, it does. "What did I do wrong" or self blame is one of the first things that often happens, along with being just embarrassed that the whole thing even happened.

This is a horrible situation, but in experiences that I've had with people (literally one at Gen Con) and as an RA, getting past that point is a huge issue. I've been at the ER with friends in this situation who were amazingly strong people who could kick my butt, and this was one of the things they had to deal with. Later on, it was one of the things they recognized as being absolutely wrong-headed, especially after some counseling.

Embarrassment is one of the key barriers that keep many people from getting help in situations ranging from assault to abuse to mental health issues.

I'm in no way trying to minimize what happened here: the memories I have of helping friends deal with that issue are some of the most intense from my college years. You might think of it in different terms, but the idea of self-blame of some sort is a huge issue in many of these cases. Not all, because there is no one size fits all reaction to trauma. That's all I can really say about it, and frankly it's all I feel comfortable saying because I don't want anyone to think I'm blaming the victim in any way here: I'm not and feel horrible for them beyond words.