Snarf Zagyg
Notorious Liquefactionist
June of 2022 will forever be linked with one thing- that's right, the release of David Cronenberg's new movie .... Crimes of the Future! And I am super excited for it. In order to get properly in the mood, I am suggesting that everyone, everywhere, watch a few of the Cronenberg classics.
So for purposes of discussion I thought I'd post the rankings of all Cronenberg movies. As always, my rankings all the products of logics and maths, and cannot be disputed, but you are welcome to suggest your own (wrong) rankings within the comments.
Tier 5- For Cronenberg completists only.
21. Fast Company (1979). Cronenberg is a distinctive director, with a certain voice. This ... this is a competent movie with none of the flare that Cronenberg is known for. It's got cars.
20. Stereo (1969). This is Cronenberg's first movie, and he is already exploring many of the themes he would become known for later- including body horror, alienation, and misaligned eroticism. But it's his first movie, and often closer to a film school experiment than a polished release. Also? The acting is really terrible.
19. Crimes of the Future. (1970). Wait, what? Yes, that's the title. His second feature is more self-assured than the first, and continues to explore "Cronenbergian" themes, but ... watch he does it better, later, and with a higher budget.
Tier 4- The misfits.
18. Maps to the Stars (2014). Great cast, not great movie. It's difficult to say what was being attempted here, but whatever it was ... it didn't work.
17. M. Butterfly (1993). A decent film done with taste and restraint; hardly Cronenbergian hallmarks.
Tier 3- The horror .... the horror.....
16. Shivers (1975). What if STDs were ... actual visible parasites? The more you know?
15. The Dead Zone (1983). Cronenberg's first Hollywood film, and one of the best Stephen King adaptations; unfortunately, while a very good film, it lacks a certain ... Cronenberginess.
14. Scanners (1981). What if the Kids in the Hall wanted to explode heads instead of squish them?
13. Rabid (1977). Classic Cronenberg. And yes, that is Marilyn Chambers.
12. The Brood (1979). Most fans recognize this as the most personal of Cronenberg's movies. To which non-fans would reply ... uh ....
Tier 2- The modern classics.
11. Cosmopolis (2012). One of the few movies that I kept expecting to be MORE, and then, at the end, I realized that the understatement was the point.
10. A Dangerous Method (2011). Psychoanalysis and repression? Sign me up.
9. The Fly (1986). Even though we can recognize it now as an allegory for the HIV epidemic, it still powerfully resonates.
8. Eastern Promises (2007). Can Cronenberg do a gangster movie? Yes. Yes he can. And you may regret asking the question.
7. A History of Violence (2005). Arguably his "best" film (at least in terms of critical reception), it unpacks the self-conscious American narratives around violence.
6. Spider (2002). A true masterpiece involving a fractured narrative.
Tier 1- MAXIMUM CRONENBERG!
THERE ARE NO DESCRIPTIONS NEEDED. THESE ARE THE TOP FIVE.
eXistenZ (1999).
Naked Lunch (1991).
Dead Ringers (1988).
Videodrome (1983).
Crash (1996).
So for purposes of discussion I thought I'd post the rankings of all Cronenberg movies. As always, my rankings all the products of logics and maths, and cannot be disputed, but you are welcome to suggest your own (wrong) rankings within the comments.
Tier 5- For Cronenberg completists only.
21. Fast Company (1979). Cronenberg is a distinctive director, with a certain voice. This ... this is a competent movie with none of the flare that Cronenberg is known for. It's got cars.
20. Stereo (1969). This is Cronenberg's first movie, and he is already exploring many of the themes he would become known for later- including body horror, alienation, and misaligned eroticism. But it's his first movie, and often closer to a film school experiment than a polished release. Also? The acting is really terrible.
19. Crimes of the Future. (1970). Wait, what? Yes, that's the title. His second feature is more self-assured than the first, and continues to explore "Cronenbergian" themes, but ... watch he does it better, later, and with a higher budget.
Tier 4- The misfits.
18. Maps to the Stars (2014). Great cast, not great movie. It's difficult to say what was being attempted here, but whatever it was ... it didn't work.
17. M. Butterfly (1993). A decent film done with taste and restraint; hardly Cronenbergian hallmarks.
Tier 3- The horror .... the horror.....
16. Shivers (1975). What if STDs were ... actual visible parasites? The more you know?
15. The Dead Zone (1983). Cronenberg's first Hollywood film, and one of the best Stephen King adaptations; unfortunately, while a very good film, it lacks a certain ... Cronenberginess.
14. Scanners (1981). What if the Kids in the Hall wanted to explode heads instead of squish them?
13. Rabid (1977). Classic Cronenberg. And yes, that is Marilyn Chambers.
12. The Brood (1979). Most fans recognize this as the most personal of Cronenberg's movies. To which non-fans would reply ... uh ....
Tier 2- The modern classics.
11. Cosmopolis (2012). One of the few movies that I kept expecting to be MORE, and then, at the end, I realized that the understatement was the point.
10. A Dangerous Method (2011). Psychoanalysis and repression? Sign me up.
9. The Fly (1986). Even though we can recognize it now as an allegory for the HIV epidemic, it still powerfully resonates.
8. Eastern Promises (2007). Can Cronenberg do a gangster movie? Yes. Yes he can. And you may regret asking the question.
7. A History of Violence (2005). Arguably his "best" film (at least in terms of critical reception), it unpacks the self-conscious American narratives around violence.
6. Spider (2002). A true masterpiece involving a fractured narrative.
Tier 1- MAXIMUM CRONENBERG!
THERE ARE NO DESCRIPTIONS NEEDED. THESE ARE THE TOP FIVE.
eXistenZ (1999).
Naked Lunch (1991).
Dead Ringers (1988).
Videodrome (1983).
Crash (1996).