Homebrewed Creature: Palonbri

[Tao_Tzu]

Not quite finished. Looking for feedback.

PALONBRI
Also known as a cerebral jellyfish, this partially-incorporeal aberration resembles a humanoid brain sparking with electrical discharges, within the bell-shaped body of a translucent, jellyfish-like creature whose ectoplasmic proto-flesh appears to shimmer with ghostly flames that give it a sinister, otherworldly glow. Though it tends towards a somewhat sickly-green hue, a palonbri's glow can be of virtually any color. In addition to the ten or so thinner tentacles for grappling prey and manipulating objects, hanging from the center of the creature's ruffle-skirted underside are a pair of large, ruffled, inky-black tentacles that it uses to feed, preferring the life energies of sentient creatures to those of simple beasts.

Transformed by Death. Named for the reckless young alchemist who accidentally spawned the first of them during an experiment in self-transmutation which resulted in his/her death, palonbri (both singular and plural) reproduce in a similar fashion -- by causing the death of an intelligent humanoid and magically transforming a fragment of its spirit into a palonbri, which emerges from the humanoid's disintegrating corpse. The new palonbri often retains a few dim memories from its previous life, but these are often lost amidst the chaotic swirl of impulses that flood its consciousness.

Art by James Ryman (Photoshop'd by me)

 

[doctorbadwolf]

Haven’t checked the mechanics yet, but the concept is great.

 

[Tao_Tzu]

Updated Stat Block (Minor Change)

 

[dave2008]

In general it is interesting - thank you for sharing. A few comments:

1) Immunities: you should remove the non-magical qualifier. "magical" acid damage is not thing in 5e. If a spell causes acid damage, it is straight up acid damage. The acid was create by magic, by the damage type is indeed "acid." Also, it is typical phrased: ...; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage that is nonmagical.

2) Passive investigation is not a thing in 5e (that I am aware of)

3) Saving throw proficiencies?

4) Grapple: This should really go in the traits section, not the actions section. That is typical were bonus action traits are described. In fact, WotC often adds it as rider to an action (like part of the Ghost Light Tendrils action), but I think I prefer how you have made it a separate trait. I think I will use that in the future. Though I would probably do it like (sounds more like a trait):

Grappler. If the palonbri hits with its tendrils,...

 

[Tao_Tzu]

Ok. I'm never entirely sure how to respond on these message boards without sounding terse or rude as simple text cannot convey vocal tone or body language. As such, I tend to lurk more than anything. Nonetheless, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to respond and I do appreciate the feedback. That being said...

1) The non-magical qualifier is to distinguish that the creature is immune to most forms of non-magical damage. While most acid damage that player characters might deal is caused by a spell, there are also vials of acid which are listed in the PHB on page 148, in addition to the acid-based attacks of various creatures. Same with the other damage types. By listing it this way, I'm trying to convey that the palonbri can swim through a pool of acid or lava, float through flames, and even ignore freezing temperatures or the deadliest of [non-magical] storms, but that it is no more resistant to magical effects than any other creature.

2) Passive Investigation is listed under the Observant feat on page 168 of the PHB and can be quite useful when determining if a creature can passively discern an illusion or see through a disguise without taking the time to actively examine and interact with it.

3) I loosely based the creature on the Grell and the Intellect Devourer, neither of which have saving throw proficiencies. I figured given its numerous immunities plus Ectoplasmic Form and Mental Fortitude that it didn't need any. Which ones do you think need buffing ?

4) This is not a trait, per se. Rather it is an action that the creature can take, in the same way a player character can make a grapple attempt using one of their attacks (or as a bonus action if they have the Tavern Brawler feat). However, as the palonbri is intended as a monster, rather than listing the rules for making a grapple, I simplified it to an escape DC of 8 + the palonbri's proficiency bonus and Dexterity modifier.

I also didn't include any skills. I had thought to give it Perception and Stealth, but then realized that with its blindsight and advantage on Investigation and Perception, such was unnecessary, especially given its glowing, ghostly nature. Nonetheless, I do think that given their arcane origins that proficiency in Arcana or possibly even some minor spellcasting abilities would not be out of place, but I figured I'd save that for the advanced version of the creature.

Regardless, I hope that helps clear things up a bit.

 

[dave2008]

1) The non-magical qualifier is to distinguish that the creature is immune to most forms of non-magical damage. While most acid damage that player characters might deal is caused by a spell, there are also vials of acid which are listed in the PHB on page 148, in addition to the acid-based attacks of various creatures. Same with the other damage types. By listing it this way, I'm trying to convey that the palonbri can swim through a pool of acid or lava, float through flames, and even ignore freezing temperatures or the deadliest of [non-magical] storms, but that it is no more resistant to magical effects than any other creature.

I understand your intent. I am just letting you know that is not thing in 5e. There is not magical acid damage and non-magical acid damage. There is just acid damage. If you want clarify your intent, it should probably go in the traits section.

2) Passive Investigation is listed under the Observant feat on page 168 of the PHB and can be quite useful when determining if a creature can passively discern an illusion or see through a disguise without taking the time to actively examine and interact with it.

That's fine, but this is not a PC and it shouldn't go in the senses section (at least I don't believe), it should be in the traits section. There is the generally location to explain non-standard abilities.

3) I loosely based the creature on the Grell and the Intellect Devourer, neither of which have saving throw proficiencies. I figured given its numerous immunities plus Ectoplasmic Form and Mental Fortitude that it didn't need any. Which ones do you think need buffing ?

It was just a question, I wasn't sure it was intentional - thank you for the clarification.

4) This is not a trait, per se. Rather it is an action that the creature can take, in the same way a player character can make a grapple attempt using one of their attacks (or as a bonus action if they have the Tavern Brawler feat). However, as the palonbri is intended as a monster, rather than listing the rules for making a grapple, I simplified it to an escape DC of 8 + the palonbri's proficiency bonus and Dexterity modifier.

The WotC standard is to put bonus action abilities in the traits section. I used to make this same mistake and would even used a "Bonus Actions" heading after "Actions," like you see for "Reactions." But then I realize the WotC always puts bonus action abilities under the traits section. The reason for this is, I believe, is the "Bonus Action" is not a standard action. You only have a bonus action if a feature or trait describes what you can do with a bonus action.

I also didn't include any skills. I had thought to give it Perception and Stealth, but then realized that with its blindsight and advantage on Investigation and Perception, such was unnecessary, especially given its glowing, ghostly nature. Nonetheless, I do think that given their arcane origins that proficiency in Arcana or possibly even some minor spellcasting abilities would not be out of place, but I figured I'd save that for the advanced version of the creature.

That makes sense.

FYI, you are free to right your homebrew as you see fit. I was just trying to help you present it how WotC and 5e in general does. Personally, I bend the guidelines all time myself as I don't always agree with them.

 

[Tao_Tzu]

Ok, but other than conformation to the WotC format, what do you think of the creature itself ? Do think it its balanced, OP, needs improvement ? Does the array of abilities make sense ? How about the lore ? Does it need more fluff ?