How have you explained roleplaying to your spouse/SO?

[Kitesh]

My wife really, really wants to understand what it is I'm doing every Thursday nights when the dudes (unfortunately there's no women in my gaming group) come over and make with the funny talking and moving little toys around on the table. I've tried to explain it, but apparently I'm not doing a very good job because we very quickly end up at "I want to get it, but I just don't". I don't ask this as a "how do I get my wife to play D&D" question- that's not my or her motivation. I can tell that she just really wants to understand it, the same way I would want to understand something she really cared about it even if it wasn't my thing, because that's just part of what makes for a good relationship.

So, how have you explained roleplaying (both in the sense of a more tactical game like D&D, but also in the larger, story-oriented sense)? The part I'm struggling with is getting across the point that it's fantastic and imaginative, but not purely escapist, and that it can be super rules-based but doesn't have to be. It doesn't help that her only exposure is to my current group, which is super combat-focused. Thoughts?

 

[Crothian]

Has she seen gaming? There are some podcasts and probably some videos out there that show people gaming. You could watch and listen to it together and pause it if she doesn't understand something to explian it to her right there.

 

[Kitesh]

She's seen our group and understands the mechanics of it, so it's not explaining what roleplaying is, but why you would want to do it.

For example, she's very into modern dance, as both a performer and an audience member. I had had very little experience with that when we met, but she was able to explain to me how to understand and appreciate dance and now even though it's not my thing (and I still hate dancing) I get it, and I get why she likes it. That is the kind of explanation I'm talking about.

 

[TheYeti1775]

Easy have her play with you a game or two (check with group first).
Either she will bore with it and move on in life or you win and she loves it.

Or just answer like I do.
I don't go out to clubs and don't womanize. Leave my role-playing alone.

 

[weem]

As far as roleplaying goes, I often find myself boiling it down to something like...

"Basically, you are an actor/actress playing the part of a character you create. I present situations, and you play the part of that character demonstrating how they would react to the situations. You also take initiative and push your own characters agenda and goals, whatever those might be"

...something along those lines.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

Weem's explanation would probably work best. She should be able to relate getting into character for a game to getting into character when the dance choreography has a story. She plays out the story through dance. We play out the story through our fiddly little rules.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

Or just answer like I do.
I don't go out to clubs and don't womanize. Leave my role-playing alone.

Yeah...no. It seems the OP's wife is coming from an angle of understanding and connection, not nagging and complaining. Your answer works better for the latter.

 

[Kitesh]

Yeah...no. It seems the OP's wife is coming from an angle of understanding and connection, not nagging and complaining. Your answer works better for the latter.

Exactly. Hell, I'm going away to GenCon for five days without more than an "I'll miss you a bunch". I am well aware that I am a lucky man!

 

[Rel]

Just tell her that it's like an orgy but without all the sex and nakedness.

Then she won't ask anymore.

 

[jonesy]

Just tell her that it's like an orgy but without all the sex and nakedness.

But your sessions still have dancing, singing, inebriation, and animal sacrifice? So it's like a barbeque?