Well, I guess it is more common than I suspected, based on the rash of quick replies here, at least. Huh.
I agree, talking with the players about this kind of thing, or at least knowing in advance how they're going to take it is pretty key.
I'm definitely with Mallus on this one, though... if you think it's "dickery" to have the GM actually use the stuff in your background, then just write it up for yourself and don't even give it to the GM. Or don't bother writing it at all. Apparently it's completely irrelevant to anyone except yourself anyway.
Of course you never said that. Because she wasn't when she was in your backstory. That's the stuff that happened afterwards.
I'm curious if there's a correllation between people who think this is the GM stepping on the PC's territory and those who earlier in the thread were talking about the opposite; it "sitting wrong" with them to have players treading into GM territory.
To me, this is clearly GM territory. I mean, it's about as clear as can be. It's a setting element, pure and simple.
If the GM had come up with some random liche in some random town that had all the exact same attributes except not related to one of the PCs, would the PCs actions really have been any different?
Other than being disconnected and random, I mean?
You see the problem here is the character originally had nothing for a background:
A funny bit, though, was one no background character was getting close to her hometown in game – so, I asked her if she wanted to fill in any details on her family.
who when pressed by the DM, came up with a simple prosaic family
She then said that her father was a follower of the same god as her cleric and had died as a hero when she was young, but her mother was a frail and bitter and angry woman who resented how close she was to her father. She (the PC) left home a decade ago to follow the calling of her Goddess, and had only been home once in that time to see her sister, with whom she was still friendly with. (Really, only a paragraph then)
OK. So the mom and sister become fair game within the parameters provided by the player.
Since the mom was frail, I had her as having recently passed away (heh heh heh). The sister that stayed behind was rather rude, though. She became a cleric as well, though, but of a lawful good deity (instead of the PC’s chaotic good one) – the sister said it was because both she and her god believed in “loyalty, duty and honor” – unlike others in the family.
This part is fine. People do die so the mom dying off camera is fine. It would make sense that the sister who remained didn't earn levels as quickly as the successful adventurer, but becoming a classed character is fine. The player may decide to reconcile, with the sister or ignore her and move on as the group travels.
However, the bitter and angry mom was not quite done yet. Her death was just the beginning of her transformation into a lich, who then literally moved heaven and earth in her attempt to get revenge on her wayward daughter. She sent them back in time, then gated in a balor to soften the party up before attempting to kill the party herself. (She failed, but it was a fantastic encounter where the party was in serious danger and both the lich and the party really were down to their last hit points and spells… The lich’s phylactery was also concealed within the now dead body of the lawful good sister.)
That's the dickery. It goes outside the parameters defined by the player and introduces elements that probably don't coincide with the player conception: namely high level spellcaster, unalterably evil, morally capable of becoming a lich, tremendous power (even more than a high-level spellcaster), and vengeful hate for her successful offspring.
You can even tell the group considered it dickery because of the other player comments:
After the campaign, though, the player who wrote the complex double-agent background said that in order to prevent a lich-mom type scenario, he would write a background so detailed, yet so mundane, that it would be impossible for me to come up with anything bad. On the other side, everybody else said that they would go for the “blank slate” background to prevent a lich-mom scenario.
If someone wants the extra attention and campaign to focus on specific elements, bully for them. They can make a larger background for the DM to use in terms of plotting at his discretion.
If the DM forces the attention and focus on unwanted sections of a character's past then it can turn into dickery.
Now does that mean every adventure would have been off limits? No. The player did define a mother and sister.
You could run a scenario where the player is offered an opportunity to help/reconcile with the sister. You could use something the mother knew as a key for an adventure necessitating a trip through the mom's diaries, known assocates in town, and interaction with the sister -- or even a planar adventure to track down the mother's spirit for questioning/final words. You could even *eye-roll* kidnap the sister for the PC to save.