How to stop player whining? Drama!

[Doctor DM]

Alright here's the deal:

I'm playing in a Western Steampunk game using for the most part 3.5 D&d rules. Really fun game. One issue we have though is a player who complains constantly about anything that happens to him.

The player is a really good guy, one of my best friends. An EXCELLENT gamer, but pretty new to role playing. In the game though he is very impatient and easily frustrated if something is not super obvious. Slightly annoying, but whatever.

Anyway, he complains about EVERYTHING. He gets mad if we can't get any information easily. (But he's not really asking the right people the right questions. He'll ask like a stablehand what he knows about the vampires lair, and when the stablehand has no clue, he gets mad that it's so hard to get information)

He got pissed when after climbing out a window, a wounded zombie bit his ankle. Kind of cheap damage, but he didn't look before he leapt.

He freaked out when he took almost 30 damage in 1 round from a blast of a gatling gun. We're 3rd level, and that's a lot of damage, but what are you gonna do about it?

So those are just a few examples. And when I say complain, I mean he beligerantly argues with the DM about it, whines like crazy saying how it's 'ridiculous" and "stupid", and then sulks about it with just a pissy attitude.

Sorry for the length, but I'm trying to really illustrate it here.

Him and I were hanging out outside the game, and I told him that I learned from the DM that we couldn't use these crazy high-tech magic guns we got from some baddy. He flipped out about it, and I laughingly told him he was always being negative. He asked how, so I pointed out everthing he complains about. He seemed to take it ok.

Well later that day we played, our hotel caught on fire in the middle of the night, we ran outside in our underwear chasing the thugs who'd started it, stupidly leaving our stuff inside. After we dealt with the assasins, we realized this, and ran inside to get our stuff. The DM randomly rolled to see what was lost in the fire. I lost my bedroll, lantern, and rations. He lost his flint and steel and 2 out of his 3 health potions (CLW), which does suck.

So he got pretty mad about it, he didnt whine and argue, but his attitude was AWFUL. He said he wasn't "allowed to say anything about it apparently", was pretty much silent for the remaining hour or so of the game, and just had that really angry aura about him, if you know what I mean. It was really bad. I'd much rather have him whine for 10 minutes.

So after that short novel, any advice on dealing with this? Despite his flaws, the guy is a good player, and one of our best friends. We want him to have fun.

Thanks

 

[jaerdaph]

If he wants to stay in the game, tell him to knock it off or get out.

He's obviously not enjoying the experience, which is making others not enjoy the experience, but since you all still like him outside of that environment, tell him you'll give him a call when you all do something else.

 

[Doctor DM]

I guess I should've mentioned, what's weird is that he IS enjoying himself. (Before the last incident I guess). The game is really fun, the last session was just super awkward.

 

[Oryan77]

Wait, are you friends with my 9 y/o nephew? Cause I recently learned that is exactly how he acts when playing a game. He did pretty much what you're saying when I played Apples to Apples with him. Every single hand that he didn't win he threw a mild fit and sulked.

Just do what I did with my nephew, tell him that it's not fun playing with him when he acts like that. And tell him that it goes both ways, the sulking & the whining need to stop. That's the kind of crap a child does. And if that doesn't work, then tell him what I also told my nephew (and apparently his dad told him the same thing); if he doesn't stop whining, you guys won't play with him. Just say you would like to play with him, but not if he acts like that, it's annoying.

You don't even have to be a jerk about it. Just make a joke about it and laugh it off so he won't feel so stupid. It doesn't even have to be the focus of a conversation. Just bring it up in passing and then change the subject. Obviously he's thinking about it, so pointing it out again and mentioning the snide remarks are unnecessary, I'm sure he'll be thinking about it next time.

It just sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do. It's not a big deal, he could be much more annoying than that (I've seen it).

 

[Beginning of the End]

Hmm. Normally my response would be "sit down and talk to him about it". But it sounds like you did that, and he just used it as a tool for even more passive aggressive behavior.

So I'd say: Talk to him again, but maybe try finding a positive approach. Instead of just critiquing the behavior, see if there's a constructive improvement that you could suggest. Not just "stop doing that", but "you should try doing this instead".

Ultimately, I'd say there are two lessons he needs to learn:

(1) The fun of the game is the process of overcoming challenges, and he should work at solving his problems through his character instead of through bullying the other players.

(2) When something goes wrong try to identify what you could have done differently to make it turn out better. Learn to be a better play instead of blaming other people for your mistakes. (And some times it will just be bad luck, in which case you need to learn to roll with the punches instead of blaming other people for ill fortune.)

Try to find the most positive and effective way of communicating that to him.

 

[DumbPaladin]

If this grown man is truly your friend, you should be able to tell him this, and have him consider it and alter his behavior appropriately:

"I like you as a friend, and I enjoy having you in your game group, but when you throw a tantrum about every bad thing that happens to your character, you significantly lessen my enjoyment, and other peoples' enjoyment, in the group. Can you try not to do this, so that I can have as much fun as you?"

See what he says. His answer will tell you a lot.

 

[Mesh Hong]

Some good advice in previous posts, as others have said the first port of call is usually have a discussion about it. You have already done this and it seems to have changed his behaviour, I am not sure if it is for the better, but it shows he is trying to adapt.

I am going to come at this from a different angle, from your post I infer that you are not the DM. Also consider your comment.....

We want him to have fun.

An important role of the DM is to figure out how each of his players have fun, and then to find a way to give them what they want.

Playing devils advocate, from your story description it sounds like your DM has very definite ideas about what his world is like and the tone his story is told in. This is great if all the players are on board and trust the DM but it can be a source of conflict if it is not what a player is expecting or wants.

As I understand it this person is new to roleplaying, so really it is quite understandable that he might get frustrated with its open ended nature. A DM should be able to guide the player through npc or world interaction. In your example of asking the wrong person for information would it really be that difficult or game breaking for that person to not know the information but be able to point the PC in the right general direction? This encourages npc interaction and information gathering rather than closing the player down and making them feel like they are wasting their time.

NPC: "Vampires? I wouldn't know anything about no vampires round these parts...... maybe go an see Pastor Tom in Cooks Crossing, or there is the old town graveyard down by Finnegans Point."

 

[the Jester]

First off, you do not have to play D&D with all your friends. Some people just don't game well together; there is nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, let's do something else instead, because I really don't think we're having the fun we should gaming together."

That said, if he's enjoying the game, you might gently point out that he's reducing everyone else's enjoyment of same. It sounds like you already did this, sort of, and it didn't take; but from your description, you said, "You're negative a lot" and you may have left out the part where you add, "and it detracts from my fun."

I know that this detracts from the DM's fun, too- and the longer it goes on and the worse it gets, the more likely the DM is to get fed up and either give him the boot unkindly or quit running the game entirely. Ungrateful, negative players that throw fits? Had one. He stopped gaming with us and every single other player came up to me within a month (there were eight other players, yikes!) and mentioned how much smoother and more pleasant the game was without him. And almost all of them were his good friends.

At a certain point, he's got to shape up or leave the table. The longer you wait to make this clear, the rougher the effects are going to be on the game. I'd say discuss it without beating around the bush yet without being a dick- make sure he understands that he's having an effect on everyone else too, but don't make him feel like he's being ganged up on.

Basically, would you play basketball with someone who copped that kind of attitude any time you made a shot? It's all about being a good sport. I shudder to think how he'd react if his character died.

 

[wedgeski]

I also have friends -- very very good, long-term friends, and experienced roleplayers -- behave this way. Often they simply don't realise they're doing it, and they certainly don't realise the effect they're having on the game or on my own enjoyment of being their DM.

Instead of talking to them about it over a beer, I lost my rag during one of the sessions. During yet another barrage of complaints at some villain's ability or damage die or saving throw DC or whatever, I demanded to know whether they wanted me to just advance them to max level for free and cut out the middle-man, because they sure as hell didn't see to be interested in actually playing the game, and I was sick of their <vulgarity redacted>.

This fixed the problem for a couple of months, but it soon crept back. I love these guys too much to stop gaming with them, and they're not going to change, so I simply adapted the style of the game to fit.

I don't know exactly what point I'm making other than... sometimes you just have to learn to live with how annoying your best friends can be.

 

[LostSoul]

My guess is that he doesn't want to have his awesomeness/whatever-ness challenged, and the rest of you want to see if you can overcome challenges. Obviously that's incompatible, so either someone is going to have to change why they play the game*, you guys stop playing together, or you ignore the issue and take it in strides.

* - He may have to accept that the idea that he has for his character is going to be challenged and he might not end up playing the character he intended, or you guys will have to stop playing to overcome challenges.

Of course I could be wrong. What PC is he playing? What was the last thing that happened - in the game and between the players - that pissed him off?