[Humor] Your DM needs a break when...

[Chriskaballa]

Okay, another funny anecdote from the second-youngest ENBoarder, who just turned 14 on March 11th.

You KNOW your DM needs a break when...


He brings a full pot of coffee (or full case of soda) to the gaming table.

He rolls on the treasure table, buries his face in his hands, and cries.

He begins speaking an unknown foreign language very fluently. Strangely, the words sound like English insults.


(I've only got these three but I'd like you guys to add more to the list. And yes, these are all things I have done.)

-Chris

 

[Weazelwog]

When he starts acting like Bobby Knight when a player doesn't know a specific rule.

BTW, I sometimes drink a pot of coffee over one session. Maybe that's why I'm so high strung...

 

[Crothian]

You know when your DM needs a break when the adventure is an orc gaurding a pie....for the past four sessions.

 

[UD]

He visibly twitches when you critical on 3 out of 4 attacks of oppotunity in the same round - with your vorpal sword...

 

[Oogar]

Your DM needs a break - When you start to have dream sequences in which elemental cheese is hunting your familiar.

Your DM needs a break - When the whirlwind form of an Air elemental has 10' reach.

Your DM needs a break - When the players start planning a mutiny.

Your DM needs a break - When he starts to use the pretzles and gummi bears to make little stick men and animals. Then demands that everyone use them, instead of minis.

Your DM needs a break - When the veins at his temple throb like his heart is playing "chopsticks".

Your DM needs a break - When you all "know" that the bad guy is to the left, Because the bad guy is ALWAYS to the left. And you are correct.

Your DM needs a break - When every fight that your group has been in for the last 6 sessions have been alphabetical. The beholder didn't kill you, but the D's look like they could start soon.

Your DM needs a break - When the last 3 sessions have been total player kills, durring the surprise round.

Your DM needs a break - When he sprays you with an entire can of silly string and says, "Oops, you failed your save. You are webbed." He cackles gleefully, and proceeds to do the chicken dance arround the table.

Your DM needs a break - When he mentions that the "Read Magic" Spell is broken and he is bumping it up to 3rd level.

Your DM needs a break - When his latest campain idea seems to be about a powerful god who "Just wants a nap, damnit" and he role plays the NPC by laying on the couch and making snoring noises.

Youe DM needs a break - When he says, "I need a break, somone else run. I've been doing this for too damn long."

 

[Crothian]

Your DM needs a break - When the players start planning a mutiny.

This one actually happened to me, and I'm still on my DMing break from that.

 

[Tsyr]

Your DM needs a break - When you all "know" that the bad guy is to the left, Because the bad guy is ALWAYS to the left. And you are correct.

Sounds like a DM of mine... any hallway over 50' in length is almost sure to have a pit trap.

But it's not burn out.

He's done that since day one.

 

[hong]

This one actually happened to me, and I'm still on my DMing break from that.

To be fair, that can also be a sign that the _players_ need a break.

 

[Humanophile]

When every NPC worth a name comes directly from a book/movie/anime series you know he likes.

When you can find kobolds guarding a vault of +5 keen vorpal dancing speed swords, but you have no way to turn your newfound treasure stash into any form of currency used at the local inn, including bartering them for a night's stay.

When attacks, saving throws, or skill checks are a simple matter of "he makes" or "he misses", without asking or keeping track of the DC, or even looking at the dice.

When he calls for a low magic, low point buy campaign, and has an NPC "helper" come along who overloads any detect magic spells cast in the area.

When every seemingly minor NPC you meet has at least twice your levels, and kicks your ass if you show them disrespect. Meanwhile, nobles and other bigwigs fall over dead if you spit on them.

 

[Psychotic Jim]

Your DM needs a break - When the DM brings a therapist to the game... for the players.

Your DM needs a break - When the the DM brings a shotgun to the game... to use on the players.

Your DM needs a break - When you get a critical miss and your DM says, "As you trip over your own two feet, you accidentally fling your sword into the air lopping off the Great Demon Dragon Boss-Badguy's head.

Your DM needs a break - When he eliminates all the Summoning spells in favor of Summon Towely.

Your DM needs a break - When the only way he kills your characters is to run them over with donkey carts.

Your DM needs a break - When you can hear your DM's blood boiling.

Your DM needs a break - When your DM says, "You wake up to find yourself dead."