Humorous descriptions for skill failures/successes

[Babylon Knight]

Survival skill failure: You roll a...1, you are content to feast on a meal of twigs and grass.

 

[tanis]

critcal fumble on attack roll with heavy crossbow

the bolt bounces off the wall and hit your friend in the groin... well he is not going to have kids anytime soon

 

[Babylon Knight]

Did that really happen?

 

[Funeris]

Decipher Script skill failure: You roll a...1, the ten pages of draconic script you now hold in your hands is a very, very detailed grocery list for a vegan dragon.

 

[tanis]

Did that really happen?

ya it was histarical. I told him that the pain to his character was so great that he could not bang anyone for months

 

[tanis]

a triple critical on a unarmed kick on a gnoll with 5 health who is about to kill your friend

you run jump off the wal double barrel roll/ triple front flip and kick the guy in the head while it seprates from the body in instint you have whip daggers out and the head is chopped in half

 

[Babylon Knight]

Um, interesting...i've never heard of decapitations outside of Vorpal effects, but there was a time when my mage shot a Fireball through an arrow slit in this siege against a castle and ended up roasting the company of guards that were there.

 

[tanis]

Um, interesting...i've never heard of decapitations outside of Vorpal effects, but there was a time when my mage shot a Fireball through an arrow slit in this siege against a castle and ended up roasting the company of guards that were there.

gruesome...cooooool
got to go

 

[Tinker Gnome]

Miserably failing a Heal Check on a bird:You take the bird and bash it against a nearby rock.

 

[shilsen]

Regularly occurs in our game:

Roll of 1 on a Spot check: "I'm blind, BLIIIIINNNDD!!!" (that was from the PC, not the DM)

On one instance, a half-dragon fighter tries to jump heroically through a window with thin wooden shutters. I told the player to roll to see if he beaks through, saying a 3 or higher will do it. So he promptly rolls a 1 and the other PCs watch in amusement as he throws himself face-first into the window and slowly slides off it.