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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Inez Hull" data-source="post: 499508" data-attributes="member: 5114"><p><strong>VII: Its A Dirty Job...</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><em>The A-Team had faced danger many times before. Blood-curdling terrors that would chill the most redoubtable of adventurers to their very marrow had been mere side issues to this merry band that knew absolutely nothing of the word fear. But now they faced their greatest test, Mango the Magnificent, mightiest warrior of a mighty clan had gone missing, presumed dead. The band, leaderless and alone, faced their darkest hour.</em></p><p></p><p>“Well, should we go back and look for him?” Shana sighed.</p><p></p><p>“Who?’ asked Wilson abstractedly.</p><p></p><p>“You know, old whatsizface. Mango the Fruiterer.”</p><p></p><p>“Why?”</p><p></p><p>“Weeelll, he is our nominated leader.”</p><p></p><p>“Just pick another one then and we’ll be off”, said Wilson.</p><p></p><p>Spud nodded thoughtfully, “I guess it is one sixth more treasure to be divvied up.”</p><p></p><p>“How can you be so callous?” blurted Virgil. “He was more than our leader, he was a friend, a companion, a...”,</p><p></p><p>“Cream bun, anyone?” Zeek butted in helpfully.</p><p></p><p>“Zeek, stand watch!” snapped Shana. “Virgil’s right for once. We can’t simply desert him after all he’s done for us.”</p><p></p><p>The group brooded in silence.</p><p></p><p>“Err, as a thought though,” Shana broke the silence, “just who were you suggesting would be leader? Solely as a matter of interest of course.” She straightened her shoulders and smiled pleasingly at everyone.</p><p></p><p>“Obvious!” answered Virgil. “Me of course!”</p><p></p><p>“What?” sneered Shana, “You! You? Why?”</p><p></p><p>Virgil looked puzzled. “I’d have thought it more than a little obvious. I’m the fighter with the next shiniest set of plate mail!”.</p><p></p><p>“Sexist bollocks!” Shana exploded.</p><p></p><p>“Precisely!” agreed Wilson. “What sort of a system’s that? How about for a change we go with something a little less obvious, like highest intelligence for example?”</p><p></p><p>Zeek wiped the remains of an extra large cream bun from his face and put on his best spiritual look. “Morally I feel we’re missing the point a bit”, he said, being more than a little put out by the guffaws that greeted this comment.</p><p></p><p>“Sure pal”, Wilson smiled smugly, “good point, now how about contributing something more useful to this discussion, like go on watch?” Zeek wandered off, cowed.</p><p></p><p>“And another thing”, snapped Shana returning to the fray, “a female leader is long overdue...”</p><p></p><p><em>Meanwhile, in another part of the dungeon...</em></p><p></p><p>Mango sauntered nonchalantly along the dank corridors muttering quietly to himself about the indignity of being deserted by his group after boldly securing both flanks and the party’s rear from any possibility of counterattack. Suddenly he stopped, throwing himself against the dungeon wall. Ahead of him, a small</p><p>dark figure, head bent down, walked slowly towards him, long arms swinging rhythmically in front.</p><p></p><p>“Damn it!” Mango cursed. “Trapped!. Demons behind, mysterious undescribed beasts ahead, and me totally alone!”</p><p></p><p>Slowly, unbidden, a thought crept into his head. Mango closed his visor, shut his eyes and pretended he wasn’ t there.</p><p></p><p>That didn’ t seem to work; the menacing figure drew closer. “Damn”, thought Mango, “Oh well, nothing else for it, lesser of two terrible tortured deaths. Chin up!”</p><p></p><p>Mango leapt into the centre of the corridor belching his mighty war cry and swung his sword blade into the face of the oncoming unidentified Beast of Terror. The janitor collapsed as Mango’s sword crashed through his front row of teeth.</p><p></p><p>“Ugh!” he said attempting to collapse to the floor.</p><p></p><p>“Whoops!” Mango attempted to be a little more friendly by preventing his victim’s fall with a gauntleted grab to the throat. “Thought you were the enemy.”</p><p></p><p>“Nenemy, bruddy nenemy! Do I look like the bruddy nenemy?” said the janitor through broken teeth and blood.</p><p></p><p>Mango shrugged. “It is a little dark”, he said apologetically. The little man shook himself to his feet. “Where’s me bruddy broom gone?” he fumed. Mango cheerily retrieved it for him.</p><p></p><p>“Who are you anyway?” Mango asked.</p><p></p><p>“Just bruddy towld yer didn’t I? The bruddy janitor! Doug and Dave’s Dungeon Cleaning Services. ‘No job too dirty!’ that’s our motto.”</p><p></p><p>“Well what are you doing here in the middle of an action packed adventure of murderous proportions?’</p><p></p><p>“Well who the bruddy hell do you think cleans up after you buggers have been through smashing and breaking and dirtying? Anyway, Team Wolf was only just through here two days ago, and quite successfully too, I might add.”</p><p></p><p>Mango looked unimpressed.</p><p></p><p>“There’ s not supposed to be anyone in here for another week or so”, Doug continued, “so just what the bruddy hell are you doing here?”</p><p></p><p>Mango opened his visor and scratched his chin, confused.</p><p></p><p><em>Meanwhile back to the Team...</em></p><p></p><p>“...all right for Vermiculite’s sake, we have democratically decided that our new leader is Virgil because it is God’s wish, and otherwise he’ll sulk and we won’t have any fighters at all !“ said Wilson. “Agreed?”</p><p></p><p>The group nodded.</p><p></p><p>“Right then, let’s get on with this adventure.”</p><p></p><p>Virgil was just in the process of saying that at this momentous juncture a short prayer was probably called for when the doors burst open, issuing forth a rabid screaming horde of blood-thirsty orcs.</p><p></p><p>“Bloody hell!” yelped Wilson. “Where did they come from?”</p><p></p><p>“Who’s supposed to be on watch?” squealed Spud. The team turned accusingly towards Zeek. Zeek smiled sheepishly. “Er, cream bun, anyone?”</p><p></p><p><em>And on the other side of the labyrinth...</em></p><p></p><p>“...and so there you have it, our story in a nutshell. We have come to retrieve the girl!” finished Mango whilst helping the janitor to pick up his missing teeth.</p><p></p><p>“Giwl?”</p><p></p><p>“Yes the girl. Whatsername. You know, so and so’s daughter...”,</p><p></p><p>Doug looked even more puzzled.</p><p></p><p>“...him in the village.”</p><p></p><p>“Oh, her, I’d forgotten about her. Well off the right track aren’t you!”</p><p></p><p>“What?” asked Mango.</p><p></p><p>“Turned left at the bottom of stairs 15b didn’t you”, the janitor said rather too smugly.</p><p></p><p>“Well yes, possibly”, Mango answered dubiously.</p><p></p><p>“Should have gone right, through secret door 181 and up the tower.”</p><p></p><p>“Look, what are you gibbering about?”</p><p></p><p>“Only this little lad”, Doug tittered, “you’ ve gone the wrong way. Taken the wrong turn you might say. This is Darking’s Deep Dungeon of Demonic Death!”</p><p></p><p>“No, No, NO!” Mango had a nasty creeping feeling crawling up his back. “We’re Tokey’ s Tower of Terrible Tribulations! Levels four to six.”</p><p></p><p>“Ha Ha Ha”, the janitor was fair dribbling now. “Ho Ho Ho, ‘levels four to six’, Ho Ho Ho!”</p><p></p><p>“Someone’s buggered up badly”, Mango looked despairingly towards the ceiling. No sign of deliverance came.</p><p></p><p>“Anyway, the one your looking for, I think she’s a sacrifice, so that’ll be down in the Pentangle Room. She’ll, be a little busy now. Sacrifice began ten minutes ago”.</p><p></p><p>Mango strapped on his massive shield, tightened his armour buckles and put on his huge pair of Mighty Mitts of Mauling. “Ere you wouldn’t happen to have seen the rest of the party would you?”</p><p></p><p>Doug pointed down a long corridor.</p><p></p><p>“Right then,” growled Mango impressively, “time to finish this! And all alone too!”</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Inez Hull, post: 499508, member: 5114"] [b]VII: Its A Dirty Job...[/b] [i]The A-Team had faced danger many times before. Blood-curdling terrors that would chill the most redoubtable of adventurers to their very marrow had been mere side issues to this merry band that knew absolutely nothing of the word fear. But now they faced their greatest test, Mango the Magnificent, mightiest warrior of a mighty clan had gone missing, presumed dead. The band, leaderless and alone, faced their darkest hour.[/i] “Well, should we go back and look for him?” Shana sighed. “Who?’ asked Wilson abstractedly. “You know, old whatsizface. Mango the Fruiterer.” “Why?” “Weeelll, he is our nominated leader.” “Just pick another one then and we’ll be off”, said Wilson. Spud nodded thoughtfully, “I guess it is one sixth more treasure to be divvied up.” “How can you be so callous?” blurted Virgil. “He was more than our leader, he was a friend, a companion, a...”, “Cream bun, anyone?” Zeek butted in helpfully. “Zeek, stand watch!” snapped Shana. “Virgil’s right for once. We can’t simply desert him after all he’s done for us.” The group brooded in silence. “Err, as a thought though,” Shana broke the silence, “just who were you suggesting would be leader? Solely as a matter of interest of course.” She straightened her shoulders and smiled pleasingly at everyone. “Obvious!” answered Virgil. “Me of course!” “What?” sneered Shana, “You! You? Why?” Virgil looked puzzled. “I’d have thought it more than a little obvious. I’m the fighter with the next shiniest set of plate mail!”. “Sexist bollocks!” Shana exploded. “Precisely!” agreed Wilson. “What sort of a system’s that? How about for a change we go with something a little less obvious, like highest intelligence for example?” Zeek wiped the remains of an extra large cream bun from his face and put on his best spiritual look. “Morally I feel we’re missing the point a bit”, he said, being more than a little put out by the guffaws that greeted this comment. “Sure pal”, Wilson smiled smugly, “good point, now how about contributing something more useful to this discussion, like go on watch?” Zeek wandered off, cowed. “And another thing”, snapped Shana returning to the fray, “a female leader is long overdue...” [i]Meanwhile, in another part of the dungeon...[/i] Mango sauntered nonchalantly along the dank corridors muttering quietly to himself about the indignity of being deserted by his group after boldly securing both flanks and the party’s rear from any possibility of counterattack. Suddenly he stopped, throwing himself against the dungeon wall. Ahead of him, a small dark figure, head bent down, walked slowly towards him, long arms swinging rhythmically in front. “Damn it!” Mango cursed. “Trapped!. Demons behind, mysterious undescribed beasts ahead, and me totally alone!” Slowly, unbidden, a thought crept into his head. Mango closed his visor, shut his eyes and pretended he wasn’ t there. That didn’ t seem to work; the menacing figure drew closer. “Damn”, thought Mango, “Oh well, nothing else for it, lesser of two terrible tortured deaths. Chin up!” Mango leapt into the centre of the corridor belching his mighty war cry and swung his sword blade into the face of the oncoming unidentified Beast of Terror. The janitor collapsed as Mango’s sword crashed through his front row of teeth. “Ugh!” he said attempting to collapse to the floor. “Whoops!” Mango attempted to be a little more friendly by preventing his victim’s fall with a gauntleted grab to the throat. “Thought you were the enemy.” “Nenemy, bruddy nenemy! Do I look like the bruddy nenemy?” said the janitor through broken teeth and blood. Mango shrugged. “It is a little dark”, he said apologetically. The little man shook himself to his feet. “Where’s me bruddy broom gone?” he fumed. Mango cheerily retrieved it for him. “Who are you anyway?” Mango asked. “Just bruddy towld yer didn’t I? The bruddy janitor! Doug and Dave’s Dungeon Cleaning Services. ‘No job too dirty!’ that’s our motto.” “Well what are you doing here in the middle of an action packed adventure of murderous proportions?’ “Well who the bruddy hell do you think cleans up after you buggers have been through smashing and breaking and dirtying? Anyway, Team Wolf was only just through here two days ago, and quite successfully too, I might add.” Mango looked unimpressed. “There’ s not supposed to be anyone in here for another week or so”, Doug continued, “so just what the bruddy hell are you doing here?” Mango opened his visor and scratched his chin, confused. [i]Meanwhile back to the Team...[/i] “...all right for Vermiculite’s sake, we have democratically decided that our new leader is Virgil because it is God’s wish, and otherwise he’ll sulk and we won’t have any fighters at all !“ said Wilson. “Agreed?” The group nodded. “Right then, let’s get on with this adventure.” Virgil was just in the process of saying that at this momentous juncture a short prayer was probably called for when the doors burst open, issuing forth a rabid screaming horde of blood-thirsty orcs. “Bloody hell!” yelped Wilson. “Where did they come from?” “Who’s supposed to be on watch?” squealed Spud. The team turned accusingly towards Zeek. Zeek smiled sheepishly. “Er, cream bun, anyone?” [i]And on the other side of the labyrinth...[/i] “...and so there you have it, our story in a nutshell. We have come to retrieve the girl!” finished Mango whilst helping the janitor to pick up his missing teeth. “Giwl?” “Yes the girl. Whatsername. You know, so and so’s daughter...”, Doug looked even more puzzled. “...him in the village.” “Oh, her, I’d forgotten about her. Well off the right track aren’t you!” “What?” asked Mango. “Turned left at the bottom of stairs 15b didn’t you”, the janitor said rather too smugly. “Well yes, possibly”, Mango answered dubiously. “Should have gone right, through secret door 181 and up the tower.” “Look, what are you gibbering about?” “Only this little lad”, Doug tittered, “you’ ve gone the wrong way. Taken the wrong turn you might say. This is Darking’s Deep Dungeon of Demonic Death!” “No, No, NO!” Mango had a nasty creeping feeling crawling up his back. “We’re Tokey’ s Tower of Terrible Tribulations! Levels four to six.” “Ha Ha Ha”, the janitor was fair dribbling now. “Ho Ho Ho, ‘levels four to six’, Ho Ho Ho!” “Someone’s buggered up badly”, Mango looked despairingly towards the ceiling. No sign of deliverance came. “Anyway, the one your looking for, I think she’s a sacrifice, so that’ll be down in the Pentangle Room. She’ll, be a little busy now. Sacrifice began ten minutes ago”. Mango strapped on his massive shield, tightened his armour buckles and put on his huge pair of Mighty Mitts of Mauling. “Ere you wouldn’t happen to have seen the rest of the party would you?” Doug pointed down a long corridor. “Right then,” growled Mango impressively, “time to finish this! And all alone too!” [/QUOTE]
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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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