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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Inez Hull" data-source="post: 530150" data-attributes="member: 5114"><p><strong>IX: The ‘Paff’ Incident</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><em>The firestorm died, and so too had at least one member of the mighty A-Team. But with all the orcs destroyed and Mango returned, quest’s end was in sight...</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>“Well”, said Wilson calmly stroking his beard. “That sorted them out!”</p><p></p><p>The remaining members of the party, all showing signs of fiery immolation, turned in mutual disbelief. All that is, except for Shana who leapt at the mage’ s neck screaming. </p><p></p><p>“Look what you’ve done to my lovely golden hair, you bastard!” Her tresses lay scorched and shrivelled on the floor.</p><p></p><p>“What,” gurgled Wilson. “Bald’s in isn’t it? Looks nice!”</p><p></p><p>Virgil stared vacantly at the ceiling, making odd sounds, “Whoooooshhha.” His head looking like a currant encased in the still unstained, unmarked shining plate mail.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, he did say ‘Fire’!" gagged Wilson defensively.</p><p></p><p>“Fire bows”, snarled Shana, “fire arrows, fire anything but not bloody fire FIRE.” With each “fire” her voice raised in pitch and she punctuated her points by rattling Wilson’s neck and banging his head against the still smoking wall.</p><p></p><p>“Oh”, said Wilson sheepishly, “everyone is entitled to one little mistake, aren’t they?”</p><p></p><p>“Mistake! Look what you’ve done to my hair...,”</p><p></p><p>A groan came from Virgil in the corner. “...and the rest of the group”, she added, putting Wilson down.</p><p></p><p>The dishevelled mage re-arranged himself and surveyed the carnage. “Must admit, though, I sorted the orc problem out.”</p><p></p><p>“I’ll sort you out...,” Shana yelled but was interrupted by the appearance of what looked like the stump of a charred leg waving in front of her face.</p><p></p><p>“Think this belongs to him?” asked Zeek dolefully. Shana stared stunned. "What? Who?” asked Wilson.</p><p></p><p>“Do you think this is a bit of him? Looks familiar don’t you think?” Zeek repeated.</p><p></p><p>All three examined the hairless stump. “What are you talking about, you blithering fool?” Shana had lost her grip.</p><p></p><p>“Spud”, continued Zeek.</p><p></p><p>“Where is he?” Shana asked, not daring to contemplate the import of the shortness of the offending limb.</p><p></p><p>“Yeah”, answered Zeek. “Funny really, isn’t it, that Spud should go like that... roasted.”</p><p></p><p>A loud cry from the shattered exit door announced the return of Mango the Magnificent to the group, smoke rising from blistered armour. “Gimme healing!” Mango sounded upset.</p><p></p><p>“Certainly, my prodigal son”, beamed Zeek. “But first re-affirm your faith in the bountiful Shannafria.”</p><p></p><p>Mango staggered to his feet, the burnt bindings on his armour giving way, the metal plates falling off with a loud clatter. Mango looked very unhappy.</p><p></p><p>“Now,” began Zeek, happily waving his dove’s feather holy symbol. “Repeat after me... Shannafria is the Nicest, Shanna ...AAAARGGH!”</p><p></p><p>Mango seized the initiative and Zeek’s unmentionables. Mango suddenly felt and looked a lot happier. Zeek’ s feather began to work a little more frantically. “Fine,” he squeaked.</p><p></p><p>“Obviously a true believer. There you are, all healed.” </p><p></p><p>Mango sighed blissfully as the healing magic took effect, then scowled as it halted, far short of his full capacity. “That all?” he growled. “I’m only half full.” </p><p></p><p>Zeek shrugged and smiled. “Sorry, that’s all for today. Only so many hours a man can pray, you know. Ask Virgil.” </p><p></p><p>From the corner came the sounds of someone definitely enjoying himself. Virgil had his face to the wall, away from the group, head tipped back, his hands busy in front of him, cooing to himself. The rest of the group looked away in disgust. “The joys of Lawful Goodness”, griped Shana.</p><p></p><p>“Virgil laying hands on himself again”, said Wilson. “He could at least share it around.” said Mango. </p><p></p><p>“No thanks!” said Shana as Virgil turned around, smiling. </p><p></p><p></p><p><em>A thunderous voice arose from above, the Keeper....</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Your healing session is cut short as more orcs pour into the room, led by a really big orc. Not just any orc. An impressive orc. An orc with bulging muscles, gaudy robes, skulls and nasty paraphernalia dangling from ropes of twined human hair. An orc with attitude...</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>“Oh, sh#t, that’s all we need”, moaned Wilson, “an orc with description.”</p><p></p><p>“Who’s running this fiasco?” whined Mango. “How come the major encounter turns up when I’ve got no armour on?”</p><p></p><p>The impressive orc thrust forward the maiden captive, Rowena. “‘Here, ya can ‘ave ‘er!” he growled.</p><p></p><p>Confused silence. Wilson coughed nervously. “Pardon?”</p><p></p><p>“Take ‘Er, I said. Fireballs in a room dis size. You’re loonies. Look at the mess,” said the impressive orc.</p><p></p><p>“Must be some sort of trap,” muttered Mango. “Too easy.”</p><p></p><p>“This is wrong”, announced Virgil. “You take her back, get in that sacrifice room, we’ll give you a couple of minutes to set up. Then we’ll rush in and rescue the maid properly.”</p><p></p><p>“Wot?” asked the orc.</p><p></p><p>“What,” squeaked Rowena</p><p></p><p>“What,” asked Shana and Wilson in complete disbelief.</p><p></p><p>“Yeah,” confirmed Mango, pulling his Mighty Mitts of Mauling back on. “Sounds good to me.”</p><p></p><p>“Gives us time for a quick bite to eat,” agreed Zeek.</p><p></p><p>“Yer all mad,” pronounced the orc as he turned to leave.</p><p></p><p>At this point, the poor confused girl, decided to take her safety into her own hands and ran for the nearest exit.</p><p></p><p>“After them, Team,” yelled Virgil, charging after the retreating orcs.</p><p></p><p>“Grab her,” yelled Wilson, “or we’ll be here all night.”</p><p></p><p>Mango stretched out what was meant to be a gentle hand to guide Rowena to safety, but the augmented power of the Mighty Mitts overstated the gesture somewhat.</p><p></p><p>PAFF!</p><p></p><p>Crack! The sound of the fair maid’s neck snapping brought the entire room to silence.</p><p></p><p>“Whoops,” said Mango, biting his lip. “Forgot about the +5 on these gloves.”</p><p></p><p>“Whoops?” said Shana staring in disbelief. “Whoops! Is that all you’ve got to say for yourself?”</p><p></p><p>“Accidents, you know, err, happen. What were the conditions on that reward, anyway...?” asked Mango.</p><p></p><p>Wilson turned to the ceiling. His hands formed into the mystical ‘T’ symbol pleading for a time-out. “Been a bit of an accident down here. Do you think we could run through this bit again, please?”</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>The entire dungeon trembled, and the air froze as a bespectacled visage glowered down at the party. Then an enormous block of roof plaster fell from the ceiling smothering the A-Team’s plaintive stream of apologies with a deadening finality.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>“Who’s got the blank character sheets?” came a disembodied voice from abstract darkness.</p><p></p><p>“Coffee, anyone?”</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>THE END.....</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>.....of the first story - more to come.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Inez Hull, post: 530150, member: 5114"] [b]IX: The ‘Paff’ Incident[/b] [i]The firestorm died, and so too had at least one member of the mighty A-Team. But with all the orcs destroyed and Mango returned, quest’s end was in sight...[/i] “Well”, said Wilson calmly stroking his beard. “That sorted them out!” The remaining members of the party, all showing signs of fiery immolation, turned in mutual disbelief. All that is, except for Shana who leapt at the mage’ s neck screaming. “Look what you’ve done to my lovely golden hair, you bastard!” Her tresses lay scorched and shrivelled on the floor. “What,” gurgled Wilson. “Bald’s in isn’t it? Looks nice!” Virgil stared vacantly at the ceiling, making odd sounds, “Whoooooshhha.” His head looking like a currant encased in the still unstained, unmarked shining plate mail. “Well, he did say ‘Fire’!" gagged Wilson defensively. “Fire bows”, snarled Shana, “fire arrows, fire anything but not bloody fire FIRE.” With each “fire” her voice raised in pitch and she punctuated her points by rattling Wilson’s neck and banging his head against the still smoking wall. “Oh”, said Wilson sheepishly, “everyone is entitled to one little mistake, aren’t they?” “Mistake! Look what you’ve done to my hair...,” A groan came from Virgil in the corner. “...and the rest of the group”, she added, putting Wilson down. The dishevelled mage re-arranged himself and surveyed the carnage. “Must admit, though, I sorted the orc problem out.” “I’ll sort you out...,” Shana yelled but was interrupted by the appearance of what looked like the stump of a charred leg waving in front of her face. “Think this belongs to him?” asked Zeek dolefully. Shana stared stunned. "What? Who?” asked Wilson. “Do you think this is a bit of him? Looks familiar don’t you think?” Zeek repeated. All three examined the hairless stump. “What are you talking about, you blithering fool?” Shana had lost her grip. “Spud”, continued Zeek. “Where is he?” Shana asked, not daring to contemplate the import of the shortness of the offending limb. “Yeah”, answered Zeek. “Funny really, isn’t it, that Spud should go like that... roasted.” A loud cry from the shattered exit door announced the return of Mango the Magnificent to the group, smoke rising from blistered armour. “Gimme healing!” Mango sounded upset. “Certainly, my prodigal son”, beamed Zeek. “But first re-affirm your faith in the bountiful Shannafria.” Mango staggered to his feet, the burnt bindings on his armour giving way, the metal plates falling off with a loud clatter. Mango looked very unhappy. “Now,” began Zeek, happily waving his dove’s feather holy symbol. “Repeat after me... Shannafria is the Nicest, Shanna ...AAAARGGH!” Mango seized the initiative and Zeek’s unmentionables. Mango suddenly felt and looked a lot happier. Zeek’ s feather began to work a little more frantically. “Fine,” he squeaked. “Obviously a true believer. There you are, all healed.” Mango sighed blissfully as the healing magic took effect, then scowled as it halted, far short of his full capacity. “That all?” he growled. “I’m only half full.” Zeek shrugged and smiled. “Sorry, that’s all for today. Only so many hours a man can pray, you know. Ask Virgil.” From the corner came the sounds of someone definitely enjoying himself. Virgil had his face to the wall, away from the group, head tipped back, his hands busy in front of him, cooing to himself. The rest of the group looked away in disgust. “The joys of Lawful Goodness”, griped Shana. “Virgil laying hands on himself again”, said Wilson. “He could at least share it around.” said Mango. “No thanks!” said Shana as Virgil turned around, smiling. [i]A thunderous voice arose from above, the Keeper.... Your healing session is cut short as more orcs pour into the room, led by a really big orc. Not just any orc. An impressive orc. An orc with bulging muscles, gaudy robes, skulls and nasty paraphernalia dangling from ropes of twined human hair. An orc with attitude...[/i] “Oh, sh#t, that’s all we need”, moaned Wilson, “an orc with description.” “Who’s running this fiasco?” whined Mango. “How come the major encounter turns up when I’ve got no armour on?” The impressive orc thrust forward the maiden captive, Rowena. “‘Here, ya can ‘ave ‘er!” he growled. Confused silence. Wilson coughed nervously. “Pardon?” “Take ‘Er, I said. Fireballs in a room dis size. You’re loonies. Look at the mess,” said the impressive orc. “Must be some sort of trap,” muttered Mango. “Too easy.” “This is wrong”, announced Virgil. “You take her back, get in that sacrifice room, we’ll give you a couple of minutes to set up. Then we’ll rush in and rescue the maid properly.” “Wot?” asked the orc. “What,” squeaked Rowena “What,” asked Shana and Wilson in complete disbelief. “Yeah,” confirmed Mango, pulling his Mighty Mitts of Mauling back on. “Sounds good to me.” “Gives us time for a quick bite to eat,” agreed Zeek. “Yer all mad,” pronounced the orc as he turned to leave. At this point, the poor confused girl, decided to take her safety into her own hands and ran for the nearest exit. “After them, Team,” yelled Virgil, charging after the retreating orcs. “Grab her,” yelled Wilson, “or we’ll be here all night.” Mango stretched out what was meant to be a gentle hand to guide Rowena to safety, but the augmented power of the Mighty Mitts overstated the gesture somewhat. PAFF! Crack! The sound of the fair maid’s neck snapping brought the entire room to silence. “Whoops,” said Mango, biting his lip. “Forgot about the +5 on these gloves.” “Whoops?” said Shana staring in disbelief. “Whoops! Is that all you’ve got to say for yourself?” “Accidents, you know, err, happen. What were the conditions on that reward, anyway...?” asked Mango. Wilson turned to the ceiling. His hands formed into the mystical ‘T’ symbol pleading for a time-out. “Been a bit of an accident down here. Do you think we could run through this bit again, please?” [i]The entire dungeon trembled, and the air froze as a bespectacled visage glowered down at the party. Then an enormous block of roof plaster fell from the ceiling smothering the A-Team’s plaintive stream of apologies with a deadening finality.[/i] “Who’s got the blank character sheets?” came a disembodied voice from abstract darkness. “Coffee, anyone?” [b]THE END.....[/b] .....of the first story - more to come. [/QUOTE]
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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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