I hate Christmas

[Storm Raven]

Well, the spirit of Christmas is certainly alive and well within you. Maybe, instead of demanding gifts, just tell them to get you nothing; if I got a demand like what you made, you'd be very lucky to get anything from me at all.

I would prefer that to your getting me stuff I don't want. If you aren't going to consider my desires when you spend money on a gift for me, then don't bother doing it.

Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you got an email from someone telling you that, what would you think?

I would get them what they want. Of course, I don't have to be hit with a ton of bricks to do that, I take hints and suggestions. I look for them actually - I usually ask people I am getting gifts for "what do you want", and then get them that.

It's certainly obvious that money is no issue;

No, it is not that money is no issue. In this case, money is not an issue, because the amount my parents are willing to spend on a gift is in line with what I would want. You may note that my list includes a wide array of gift options, at a variety of proice points. I expect some people will want to spend less than $20 on a gift, there are options for that.

I'm guessing it was no issue when you were a child either;

No, quite the opposite. The best Christmas gift I ever got as a child was a second-hand bicycle that someone was going to throw out, but that my father restored and gave me. Like most of my gifts, it cost virtually nothing, because we were poor. But I wanted a bicycle, and my father knew it, so it was a great gift.

in fact, I'd hazard a guess that you were spoiled as a child (that is not an attack on you, by the way; if you were spoiled, that is not your fault). I guess, with our different background (assuming I am right), we are going to just have to disagree on this issue.

Your assumption is erroneous. My position stems from the fact that we had little money when I was a child. If you are going to spend money buying me something, buy me something I want. Don't waste your time or money on crap I don't want. It just wastes your cash and annoys me. Just get me nothing instead.

 

[Eternalknight]

Your assumption is erroneous. My position stems from the fact that we had little money when I was a child. If you are going to spend money buying me something, buy me something I want. Don't waste your time or money on crap I don't want. It just wastes your cash and annoys me. Just get me nothing instead.

Then I stand corrected. I can now see where you are coming from; still, the way you are going about it is hurtful to other people, and makes you looks as I said; arrogant, snobbish, spoiled and shallow. If you are worried about people spending money on you, simply organize for your family to put a price limit on gifts; or, tell them not to spend much money on you. Don't do it the way you have said; it's just hurtful and insulting.

Even then, if they spend over the limit, it is their perogative.

 

[Storm Raven]

If I received an email like that from a family member, (1) I'd be incredibly insulted, (2) I'd never buy another gift for that person again, for any occasion, and (3) I'd never accept a gift from that person again, for any occasion.

So, instead, you would rather they hide the fact that you consistently get them gifts they don't want. You would rather continue the charade that you are making them happy, when in fact, you are just insulting them every time you get them a gift that shows you didn't take their desires into consideration.

People talk all the time about how they would be insulted that someone would tell them they got crappy gifts. Well, I'm insulted that family members, who are supposed to care about me, don't bother to take my desires into account when giving a gift. That sort of gift is an insult, it just says "I feel obligated to get you something, but I didn't care enough to get you something you would like, here, have a pile of crap and pretend you like it". You want rude and insulting, that's the sort of attidute that is rude and insulting. Far more so than anything I've said here.

Demanding that people pretend they like your gifts when they don't is rude. How this became socially acceptable is astounding. If you got me a bad gift, I will tell you. If you don't want to run that risk, get me what I told you I want, or don't get me anything at all. Either is preferable to you grabbing the first thing that catches your eye when you go to Target and expecting that I will gush over you for something that you clearly spent nine seconds of your life thinking about.

 

[Lorgrom]

Getting a gift you don't want/will ever use vs getting nothing.

I vote for getting nothing.

I have to agree when a family does a list for christmas, then people should buy off the list. After growing up in a very poor household, you kinda expect christmass (heck most holidays) to be nothing more then others flaunting things infront of you. So when I got married and her family did the christmass list thing. I was initaly shocked. Though I learned quickly that a list amounts to jack and S&*t to most people. So anymore, when people ask me what I want for chrismass. I tell them if they get me something, they need to pay attention to what perks my interest during the year. If they can not figure it out from 11.5 months of observation, then donate what they would have spent on me to some goodwill orginization.

Its better to receive nothing then something that will sit on your shelf for years and never be opened.

Perhaps the money they would have wasted on buying me something that is a waste, will give some kid growing up in a similar situation the spark that will keep christmass alive in him.

 

[Crothian]

Sometimes though people try to get others something they like, they just guess wrong. I would fine your letter a bit rude. Christmas is not about getting gifts you'll love and want. This just reads selfish to me.

 

[Eternalknight]

Its better to receive nothing then something that will sit on your shelf for years and never be opened.

Yet so many people send Christmas cards, which are essentially useless gifts that sit on your shelf doing nothing. Yet people do it, year after year. Why? To show others you are thinking about them.

 

[Storm Raven]

Then I stand corrected. I can now see where you are coming from; still, the way you are going about it is hurtful to other people, and makes you looks as I said; arrogant, snobbish, spoiled and shallow. If you are worried about people spending money on you, simply organize for your family to put a price limit on gifts; or, tell them not to spend much money on you. Don't do it the way you have said; it's just hurtful and insulting.

We have a price limit. They get me crap that costs me less than the price limit.

You aren't understanding the process here. I have given hints, suggestions, and even list of what I would like for years. Every year, just about the only person who ever gets me anything I actually want is my wife. Everyone else gets me stuff that I would never want and we go through the dance of my pretending that the rubber shoe covers my mother-in-law got me are what I really wanted, and then my trying to figure out how I am going to get rid of the things.

I have tried addressing this issue subtly. I have tried hints. I have tried polite suggestions. I have made lists of things I want. Instead, every year I get stuff that I have no desire to own. So I'm going to be blunt. If they can't understand what I am saying when I say it politely, I'm going to flat out say it with no sugar coating. And then they will know where I stand, and I won't feel bad returning everything I get every year.

 

[Storm Raven]

Sometimes though people try to get others something they like, they just guess wrong.

Perhaps you missed the fact that they don't have to guess. I have told them for years what I want every year in the vain hope that they will actually do that. If I didn't offer suggestions, and they got me something that they guessed on and missed, that would be one thing. But I have told them what I would like, every year for the last decade or more. And they ignore me, and get me other stuff.

Who is being rude? The person who ignores the desires of the person they are buying for year after year, or the recipient who tells them to stop getting him stuff he doesn't want?

 

[Storm Raven]

Yet so many people send Christmas cards, which are essentially useless gifts that sit on your shelf doing nothing. Yet people do it, year after year. Why? To show others you are thinking about them.

Spending $1.95 on a useless gift is one thing. Spending lots of money on a useless gift and expecting me to pretend to like it is another.

 

[Dingleberry]

So, instead, you would rather they hide the fact that you consistently get them gifts they don't want. You would rather continue the charade that you are making them happy, when in fact, you are just insulting them every time you get them a gift that shows you didn't take their desires into consideration.

People talk all the time about how they would be insulted that someone would tell them they got crappy gifts. Well, I'm insulted that family members, who are supposed to care about me, don't bother to take my desires into account when giving a gift. That sort of gift is an insult, it just says "I feel obligated to get you something, but I didn't care enough to get you something you would like, here, have a pile of crap and pretend you like it". You want rude and insulting, that's the sort of attidute that is rude and insulting. Far more so than anything I've said here.

Demanding that people pretend they like your gifts when they don't is rude. How this became socially acceptable is astounding. If you got me a bad gift, I will tell you. If you don't want to run that risk, get me what I told you I want, or don't get me anything at all. Either is preferable to you grabbing the first thing that catches your eye when you go to Target and expecting that I will gush over you for something that you clearly spent nine seconds of your life thinking about.

You're assuming that the giver has put no effort or thought into the gift, or maybe is doing it maliciously to insult you. It's that assumption I find incredibly insulting and rude. But you and I obviously disagree on what's insulting and rude.

And, of course, at the end of the day, if you're insulted by their gifts,

That's your fault, not mine.