I hate Christmas

[freebfrost]

This was already mentioned a while back, but I think it bears repeating.

Storm Raven, since it appears your family uses email, why don't you set up a wish list (at Amazon or other online places), and just send them a notice that you have a wish list at the appropriate site.

I ended up doing this, and now everyone just asks me every year if my Wish List is updated yet. It achieves the same result as your email but is a bit more tactful.

If you make the list big enough, and with enough variance in price ranges, that everyone can find something suitable and even "surprise" you with something you had forgotten was put on the list a while back.

 

[spatha]

A question for Storm Raven.
You said your son gave you a paper weight. Was that on a list? Was that soemthing you told your wife to hint to people you wanted? If not why keep it? What makes it different than the pen from your Father besides the price?

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Maybe it is just Africa. Many people we worked with were hostile to everyone. Accepting help apparently insults their personhood.

Maybe it was just the people you encountered. People I know that did work there found the people fearful at times, but for the most part, your average person was just glad to see them, and more than grateful for the help they offered.

 

[Crothian]

Wrong. Every single one of these options places your desires above the desires of the recipient. If you were truly generous and giving, your hopes and desires would not enter into the equation. These are just gifts that make you feel better that you are guessing they will like. If they don't, they shouldn't have to feign happiness because you decided to put your own desires above theirs when you came up with your gift.

That's becasue the giving is more important then the recieving!! Seriously, if it's so bad why do you put up with these people that are supposed to be your friends and family?

 

[PowerWordDumb]

Wrong. Every single one of these options places your desires above the desires of the recipient. If you were truly generous and giving, your hopes and desires would not enter into the equation. These are just gifts that make you feel better that you are guessing they will like. If they don't, they shouldn't have to feign happiness because you decided to put your own desires above theirs when you came up with your gift.

Good lord, responding properly to this would invoke the wrath of Henry, so I'll leave you to wallow in your delusions instead. You may not actually be happy with them, but you at least seem comfortable in the world you've imagined.

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Wrong. Every single one of these options places your desires above the desires of the recipient. If you were truly generous and giving, your hopes and desires would not enter into the equation. These are just gifts that make you feel better that you are guessing they will like. If they don't, they shouldn't have to feign happiness because you decided to put your own desires above theirs when you came up with your gift.

Well, seeing as we have completely cleared it up that the spirit of Christmas is giving people exactly what they want, why even bother with the holiday? Why bother wrapping, having presents, or even a tree?

Every December 25th, you take people to the store, and give them gift cards to a store of thier choosing.

That way the gift reciever is happy, and you are not being selfish.

 

[Storm Raven]

I would like to suggest an alternative interpretation about this. Actually, a pen of such cost can be very practical (in my opinion). I own a Mont Blanc pen that was a gift to me from my father, as it sounds like you have been in a similar situation. I have owned the pen for years. Though it is not the most expensive Mont Blanc available, it is a very nice pen that was not cheap.

It's the finest writing instrument I've ever used. Literally. Not just because it's expensive. But it is expensive because it was made so well, so precisely, so carefully, that it writes better than any pen I've ever encountered. It's fairly practical, in that it is a really good pen, highly durable, goes well with casual or formal wear (I know, this seems silly in the context of a pen, but it can apply, depending on your job, or whatever), and writes like a dream.

Oh, I'm certain it is a great pen. But I know myself. I will lose the thing. He got me a pen some years ago which I promptly lost. I lose pens. I have dozens of them on hand because of this. Or it will sit in a drawer in my desk and never be used. He knows this. I have told him this. Basically I told him that if ever I had a pen like one of his, I would certainly lose it, or never use it. The pen itself - nice. The practicality of it - nil.

I would say, "Caring about someone isn't giving them what they want, but can sometimes involve giving them what they want."

Caring about someone is putting their desires above your own.

Storm Raven, I guess kinda the thing about all this is how you approach it. If you think your family's behavior is rude, fine. I don't know your family. But how you respond can say a lot. You don't think they get you thoughtful gifts. Fine. Get them thoughtful gifts anyway. They're rude, but you don't have to be. Don't like Adam Sandler? Cool, I'm not a big fan either. But I'd get my brother-in-law an Adam Sandler movie if I knew he liked them, even if my brother-in-law didn't get me what I wanted, and even if he got me something I specifically didn't like (assuming it's not, like, say, an apple with a razor blade in it, or something, in which case I'd have to get my brother-in-law committed), and even if he intentionally got me something I specfically didn't like (razor-blade apple examples an exception, obviously). In the case of the latter, future gift exchanges would probably be altered, but anyway.

You see, I would get my brother-in-law an Adam Sandler movie, because I know he likes them (assuming, for a moment, there is one on DVD that he doesn't already own). I have no desire for such an item, but I know he does. That he gets me stuff I don't want, and would never want is vexing.

 

[Storm Raven]

This was already mentioned a while back, but I think it bears repeating.

Storm Raven, since it appears your family uses email, why don't you set up a wish list (at Amazon or other online places), and just send them a notice that you have a wish list at the appropriate site.

As I said before, I did this in previous years. it didn't work. The only person to bother with my wish list was my wife. Everyone else ignored the subtle hint and got me whatever they happened to stumble across in Wal-Mart.

If you make the list big enough, and with enough variance in price ranges, that everyone can find something suitable and even "surprise" you with something you had forgotten was put on the list a while back.

I always make my list large enough to encompass a wide array of prices. This has had no impact.

 

[Thanee]

Just tell everyone you don't want any gifts. Really, christmas is not meant to be shopping heaven, even though it somehow seems to be like that these days.

If gifts are just a bunch of stuff one could use, then the purpose of giving them in the first place is already completely failed. There is really no reason to give anything at all, then, except some false feeling of obligation to do so. Making gifts is not about obligation, that's pretty much the opposite of it.

Bye
Thanee

 

[billd91]

Caring about someone is putting their desires above your own.
.

I'm guessing you don't care much about your family members who give you bad gifts. Clearly you aren't putting their desires to choose the gifts they give you above your own desires.