I have a problem with a player!

[Lavinia Teeblatt]

Hi all,

I´m playing RPG for about one year and yesterday I DMed an adventure for the second time.
Our party is currently at level 4 with 6 players.
When the adventure was finished I gave the XP to the players in our party. I also gave a small amount of XP ( 50p ) for roleplaying very well to two of our party members.
After that I was attacked very hard and personally by one of the other members of the party. He couldn´t understand my motivation giving out roleplaying XP to these two players.
He also threatened, that he would not play next time I will DM an adventure.
This and all the other attacks hurt me very much because ist was really very personally.
Now I have to say that this guy never DMed an adventure at all ( not just since I started playing D&D but also several years before ), so I think he can not really appreciate the necessary work that is preparing an adventure ( especially when someone has not so much experience ). He always comes to play and is expecting a prepared adenture.

Is there someone having an advice handling this bad situation?
Thank you very much.

Lavinia

 

[Azure Trance]

Kill him.

whoops

I can suggest that in the future all XP awards could be given secretly, or tallied up yourself in private and made known to the players when they level up.

 

[Volaran]

My normal group gives out a roleplaying bonus (100xp) every session, awarded by the players' majority vote. This prevents any accusations of DM bias.

 

[nHammer]

Best thing to do is tell him he is not allowed to play when you DM. And hold to that threat.

Now, I'm not for doing the best thing. I would tell him he's a fooking crybaby and he can stick his crying up his arse. And don't ever think about playing when I DM.

Whatever happens in the future just try not to let it get you down. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG....based on your side of the story anyway.

 

[Xeriar]

Hi all,

I´m playing RPG for about one year and yesterday I DMed an adventure for the second time.
Our party is currently at level 4 with 6 players.
When the adventure was finished I gave the XP to the players in our party. I also gave a small amount of XP ( 50p ) for roleplaying very well to two of our party members.

I prefer being open with XP, but some people are rather sensitive and can't take it...

After that I was attacked very hard and personally by one of the other members of the party.

And this is something that can happen :-(

It can be a legitimate complaint at times (favoratism, etc.)

He couldn´t understand my motivation giving out roleplaying XP to these two players.

Maybe he should ask what he did wrong instead?

I give out hundreds to thousands of XP for roleplaying awards. I've actually got it worked out on a webpage somewhere if you want it. All the players know of it and they all know that if they lack in an area... well.

He also threatened, that he would not play next time I will DM an adventure.

Perhaps for the best. He probably has some confidence issues and needs to get over them.

I've had some really bad days where roleplaying wasn't my ball, and got less XP. It didn't bug me (since I often got more than the GM's girlfriend anyway... she wasn't happy though

This and all the other attacks hurt me very much because ist was really very personally.

Well, what does the rest of the group say?

Is there someone having an advice handling this bad situation?
Thank you very much.

1: Give XP in secret
2: Let problem player go for sessions you GM
3: Discuss with group.
4: Tabulate roleplaying awards so it's pretty clear that you never get it all, and some will get more than others.
5: I hate to bring this up, but non-D20 games often force unequal awards on GMs. I think it may help to try a different system.

 

[Darkness]

Wow. The guy threw a tantrum over a mere 50 xp? Hm. Is kicking him out of the group an option?

In any case, you said you've been playing for a year but have DMed only twice so far. How did the previous DM(s) handle awards for role-playing? That is, were there any?

Further, regarding the player in question: Does he role-play at all or is he just there to kill things? If the latter, maybe he doesn't want that actions he's not interested in (or afraid of) doing are rewarded.
Also, how does he react when something bad happens to his character, and if badly, how did the other DM(s) deal with him? Is he generally a cry-baby?

Oh, and welcome to the boards!

 

[StalkingBlue]

Azure Trance and Volaran have good suggestions for handling the XP facet of the problem.

There's another - well actually, there are many more. But let me say this because it reminds me of myself:

From the way you post, it sounds as if you are shaken by the player's attack. (Forgive me if I go totally off track here.) I started out being very sensitive in situations like that when I first DMed ...


Personal attacks hurt. Personal attacks are unfair. Whatever this player thinks about your decision to award extra XP to some players (and not to him), he had no right to attack you personally.

So he threatens not to play under you any more. Maybe he is serious. Maybe not. It may just have been an angry moment.

Even if he is serious, he can never undo what you did in preparing and running the adventure for the group. You are right: DMing is a hell of a lot of work - in preparation and also during the actual session, when you have to concentrate every single minute.

However, you cannot force him to acknowledge your effort if he does not want to. To staqrt feeling better, get feedback from the other players. Ask them what they liked about your adventure, then ask what they didn't like so much. Accept the praise. Learn from the criticism. It will make you stronger as a DM.

Make yourself feel strong first. When you feel strong (after you have received and thought about, slept about their comments), contact the aggressive player. Do this one-on-one if you can: talk to him alone, or e-mail him. Let him know that personal attacks are unacceptable. Also let him know that you are willing to listen to reasonable criticism.

If you manage to defuse the situation, he may come out with surprisingly constructive criticism. (For example, many groups don't like giving out individual XP awards because it may make individual players feel punished or left out. I don't like to give out individual XP awards for that very reason. Don't let that keep you from it if you think otherwise. It's perfectly legitimate to give out extra XP - if you are unsure, post a poll about it on this board. )

If he doesn't grow reasable once you contact him from a position of strength, well, let's face it: not all players are born to play under all DMs. He may not wish to play under you in the future. If the other players enjoy your DMing style, shrug and let him go.

 

[Maraxle]

If you really want to keep playing with this person, you'd best switch to doling out XP privately, like others have suggested.

Another thing you can do, like what my group does, is set aside some XP that can be voted on by the players. For our low level campaign, we had 50 XP for each player in the game. Then, each player could vote as to how to divide his 50. Sometimes, if one player/character was particularly valuable during an adventure, it ended up being like an MVP award. Other times, if nobody stood out, everyone just kept their 50 to themselves. In other rare occasions, if someone needed a few extra XP to level up, they'd get a bigger share, and everyone would split the rest. I left it up to the players, and they seemed to like this a lot.

 

[Brekke]

You can give the XP out secretly like has been suggested I had a DM who did this but we all told each other what we had gotten.

The best thing to do is talk to him find out what was bothering him. Maybe after a few days have passed he will cool down some. You should let go of your hurt if you can so that you can try and listen objcetively to any complaints that he has.

ElfWitch

 

[Rob-hin]

Sounds to me like that this player is being unreasable, and when people are unreasable there is nothing you can do. There are many good solutions, but he could just not care.

Don't give roleplay XP in secret, that will only backfire.
But also remember, that if someone plays a silent character, it's harder to get roleplaying XP.

Good luck.