I need good dwarf jokes!

[Smoke and Mirrors]

I am currently playing in a campaign with a dirty, beer swilling, and gruff dwarven barbarian. I play an elf, and in turn I must make his life miserable. He is already working on getting elven jokes and I need some good or even horrible dwarven jokes to put him back in his place!

 

[Stahn Li]

You call that a beard! My elvish grandmother has a bigger beard than that!


Dwarf personels

Fat, smelly, male dwarf with beard seeks female dwarf of same description


You breathe so loudly I could have shot you in the dark!



I'll try to think of more..

 

[Smoke and Mirrors]

Thanks, man! Keep em' coming!

 

[hammymchamham]

their was a good thread about a dwarf bard who had back jokes. Perhaps a community supporter can do a search and find it for us? It would be great to re-read that thread

 

[Stahn Li]

Which one are you again: Happy, sneazy, sleepy, grumpy, basheful, or Doc (who is the seventh dwarf anyway)

How many Dwarfs does it take to kill a dragon: Dwarfs can't kill a dragon, they need a hobbit to do it for them.

When you get really excited do you get taller?


Stand up when you speak to me...oh you are standing.

 

[MythandLore]

"How many Dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders."

"How do dwarves greet each other?
Small world, isn't it?"

"Why did the Dwarf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!"

"Where do you find dwarves?
Depends where you left them!"

"What is a female dwarf called?
A Warf."

"Isn't Alf a half-dwarf?"

"What's the diffrence bettween a dwarf and a lamb?
Dwarves give me indigestion"

"What's the diffrence bettween a dwarf and a fairy?
Telling a fairy he's an dwarf is and insult."

"Whats the diffrence between a dwarf and a chicken?
Feathers"

"How are dwarves and babys alike?
They both small like poo"

 

[krunchyfrogg]

http://delving.com/humrmain.html

Good stuff!

 

[krunchyfrogg]

nm

 

[Smoke and Mirrors]

These are great! I can't wait til' next sunday. Anymore?

 

[Maerdwyn]

Said casually while commenting on some brother v. brother or daughter vs. father feud, intra-tribal war, etc.
"Yes, it is truly sad. Family conflicts are always the most bitter. That's why our dwarven friend here hates goblins so much..."

Before the session, ask DM to hand you a fake note sometime during the game. Read it, and regard the dwarf player with a look of pure horror: "Green Slime! [or your ooze of choice]" Allow party to react for a few seconds, then look again and say "Sorry everyone... my mistake. It's just a bit shocking to realize exactly how rare it is that a dwarf and a bath have the pleasure of becoming acquainted."

"Dwarf! We need you to open this door. ... No, no, no. Put the axe away. Good. Now, then. [*mime reaching down to remove his helmet*]. Okay, everyone, we've got our battering ram!"

After a battle in which the dwarf has performed particularly well: "Yes, centuries from now, I'll be able to bring your grandchildren to this spot, and tell them of your triumph here today. 'Kids,' I'll say, 'Do you see how all of these skeletons have broken kneecaps. You grandpa did that."