I'm an unreliable player, HELP!

[S'mon]

Yup, this.

It's the age-old division between the hard-core hobbyists in a given field, and those with a passing but not all-consuming interest.

If you think you might be in the second category, try to find a group with like-minded people. IME, most groups will be inhabited by people exclusively in the first category (I'm one of 'em), and they tend not to be that accepting of people in the second category (who might be perceived in the same way as "fair-weather friends"). But as you can see from some of the responses on this board, there are groups and GMs that don't mind, and even plan their gaming on this basis.

Good luck!

Cheers, Al'Kelhar

I agree. The ideal for a Type 2 player would be a group of Type 2-er friends who just play D&D etc on an impromptu pick-up basis when they have nothing better to do that night. A Type 2-er in a Type 1 group is a recipe for irritation.

Actually, what I've tended to see is players & GMs who think they're type 1, they want to play in a "serious, reliable, long term game", but are actually flaky, and frequently cancel or forget sessions. The most annoying are GMs who see nothing wrong with cancelling a session at the last minute when something better comes up or they just don't feel like playing that night. When you have 5 players who are working adults, and have gone to considerable effort to schedule their lives so they can play in your game, that is not acceptable behaviour IMO.

 

[TreChriron]

I would like to know what the OP feels takes precedence over the game session. It's really a matter of why.

As people have said, if it's legitimate stuff, then it's understandable. However, I only tolerate so much of this in my game. If you're life is too busy to make this game, maybe a different game on a different night would be better?

Skipping my game repeatedly to go to concerts or do other things is not acceptable to me as a GM. You should be in a different group of casual players. I put a lot of work into my game and I don't feel like being someone's "plan B".

It comes down to consideration. The goal here is to put together a fun game of like-minded people. It doesn't need to be complicated. If you can't make games, why not fill your seat with someone who can? Why not find a game that better fits your schedule and/or priorities?

I have formed groups of people outside my group by hooking up like-minded people and encouraging them to start a group. My focus is always on finding the right players and as a community builder, finding the right groups!

 

[SteveC]

I think there's been a lot of good advice so far, and we really need to know what is making you unreliable. Is it a random work schedule, sick kids or relatives, or something more basic?

One thing that I've seen several times, unfortunately, that's made some very good players into unreliable players, is that someone else doesn't like them gaming, and thus last minute things keep just "coming up" so that they can't make the game. In one case we had to eventually cancel a game, since one of the players kept being called back for "emergencies" by his wife, who just didn't like the fact that he was gaming.

The solution to this problem is to figure out what's causing it: if it's something that you can't control, maybe it's time to take some time off from gaming. It will still be there when you can play again. If it's something you can control, you need to get a handle on it. With my fiancee, we both have shared google calendars that we set up things like game night on. It works wonders, since once she knows about me being out with the guys she can make plans of her own, and I won't schedule game night when we have something else we need to do.

It's all about taking control of the things you can, and if that won't work, fixing things so that your life is back to where you can control them. The game will still be there!

 

[Derfmancher]

[MENTION=9053]SteveC[/MENTION] I love the Mal quote as a Sig. Just saying

Back on topic, I like to think of myself as a type 1 GM. However our game is very.. informal. I hope to change that, but previous GMs and runs have taught the group a bad habit. Everyone runs on a scale sometimes. It changes with people day to day to me.

 

[GSHamster]

I find it rather ironic that we could not rely on the original poster to return and elaborate on his circumstances.

 

[MGibster]

I expect people who commit to a game to actually show up on a regular basis. It isn't about being a "hard core" gamer so much as it is about respecting other people. It's perfectly okay if I have a player miss the occasional game whether it's a family emergency, the B-52s are in concert or for some other reason. What gets my goat is when a player habitually misses a game. I had a player who habitually missed games and eventually I ejected him from the campaign. I gave all the players in my campaign the following rules:

#1. If you miss 3 games in a row you're out. (Unless we set something up ahead of time.)

#2. If, at any point, you have missed more sessions than you have been present for you could be dropped.

#3. If you are more than an hour late it counts as an absence.

I know some of you might be balking at those rules. It seems like I'm treating my other adult players like children. However, I thought these were reasonable guidelines for participating in a campaign with 5 other people. Unfortunately, my player missed 3 of 5 game sessions and so I dropped him.

 

[Wednesday Boy]

It seems like I'm treating my other adult players like children.

Don't be too critical of yourself. Discussing your expectations and establishing a social contract with your players sounds like you're treating your adult players like adults to me.