I'm at a loss on how to handle this - Need advice

[LostSoul]

I see you've already come up with a good solution, but I'll just throw mine in for kicks.

So what do I do? How do I say no?

Just say no. A 's a no matter how many roses you pretty it up with. She isn't going to like it no matter how you try to dress it up, so just say, "No, I don't want to see you." Done and done.

 

[LostSoul]

My advice? Be nice to your grandmother and be nice to your parents. You don't have as much time with any of them as you might think.

Life's too short to put up with abusive family.

 

[Harmon]

Life's too short to put up with abusive family.

Well said


Hay Reveal, about Grandma- sorry to hear that your relationship isn't that great.

Suggestion- she shows, put her on the couch or in the guest room if you have one, take no extra time off to visit with her, and plan your normal week. Should she ask for money or some other thing- "well Grandma, I don't know that we can afford it right now, I mean I have all these bills with your Grandson and no one is helping me with the bills." Make an effort to make her feel guilty that she isn't putting money towards your little one's future.

If she says something about you being just like your father then smile and say "thank you, he's a good man." That should explain your view of the situation.

 

[reveal]

Suggestion- she shows, put her on the couch or in the guest room if you have one, take no extra time off to visit with her, and plan your normal week. Should she ask for money or some other thing- "well Grandma, I don't know that we can afford it right now, I mean I have all these bills with your Grandson and no one is helping me with the bills." Make an effort to make her feel guilty that she isn't putting money towards your little one's future.

Why would I want to try to make her feel guilty about anything? My point is I hate that crap. I refuse to do that to others.

 

[Rel]

I think the advice given so far is categorically excellent.

If a time does come when you're planning to have her visit, I'd suggest putting her up at a local hotel (nothing too seedy but it needn't be the Ritz either). That will give you some extra breathing room if you feel you need it.

And I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish we lived in a world where all Grandma's were the sweetest, kindest, most loving people you'd ever want to meet. Mine sure were and for that I'm eternally greatful.

 

[Algolei]

I love my family, but I find they are so much easier to deal with once they've died.

Take my mother, for example: She's 75, and she's had tongue cancer twice. Yes, that's right: Tongue cancer. But does that shut her up? No! She talks more than ever! And now she mumbles everything! Like it wasn't bad enough before, now I've got to lean in and hear her complain about my life. Yet when I see her lying in that hospital bed, I feel so helpless. Sure I could push her out the window, but there are too many witnesses!

Then there's my brother, the alcoholic sawmill operator. The US started taxing Canadian softwood lumber, putting hundreds out of work, so his mill had to downsize. He's the one saw operator they DIDN'T fire. Yup, lucky Two-Toes, still on the job.

Or my sister, the colour-blind epileptic diabetic nurse. Every time I find myself in an ambulance, all I can think to shout out is, "NOT ST. BONIFACE HOSPITAL!! ANYWHERE BUT ST. BONIFACE HOSPITAL!!"

I love 'em all, but heaven forbid I ever have to be near them while they're doing what they do.

I think the advice given so far is categorically excellent.

Thank you! I find that fire works more often than one would expect. Takes a little getting used to, though, so I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone.

 

[Harmon]

Why would I want to try to make her feel guilty about anything? My point is I hate that crap. I refuse to do that to others.

My apologizes, I guess I misread or lacked in the comprehension.

 

[Jubilee]

I have found the best way of dealing with family members who cause you stress is to only visit them or allow them to visit during large parties that can dilute their influence. So, if your grandma does show up, get some other family to come visit at the same time and distract her..

/ali

 

[Bront]

I feel lucky that the worst case family I have is simply annoying at times, but still fairly easy to be around.

For your grandmother, I think the groundrules for any other mooching friend should be in order. As stated before.
1) Find the length of the time spent and keep to that limit
2) Find out ahead of time the purpose for the visit, and stick to it.
3) Think ahead for reasons to not lend out money. ("I don't feel comfortable loaning out money to family" is generaly acceptable.)
4) Let them know imediately if their behavior is not tolerable, and be willing to stand your ground if need be on it.
5) Remember that just because they're family doesn't mean you're obligated to like them, only to at least tolerate them.

Honestly, I've heard worse stories than simply a verbaly abusive mooch, and if she's making an effort to keep in touch, at least that's something (as long as it's not a cover for something else). Just be careful, and enjoy.

Any responce from your responce?

 

[reveal]

Any responce from your responce?

Reply to my e-mail posted above.

tony i didnt mean it that way i.m sorry i wan.t so much to see youall

My response.

We will be there during the week of July 4th. We're planning on driving up early in the morning and then leaving that night.

Her latest response (told ya she was nuts).

its ok tony i still love you hope to see you in heaven

*sigh*