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I'm making my own setting. Care to skim through it?

Ixis

First Post
It's the future. The Galactic Accord sent a 10,000,000 km probe to Earth which released mutagenic clouds that scoured the Earth's surface changing almost everything it touches as setting humanity back several thousand years. This is a test administered by a coalition of aliens in the Milky Way: mankind has 5,000 years to reclaim its planet. Success means being included in the Galactic Accord, and failure... We don't like to think about failure.

The setting occurs 500 years before the Accord will reach Earth, and an icy stand-off between the pro-alien Lawful and pro-freedom Chaos is about to break loose.

You can read up on the setting here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1p6z9Hq4h32yPAKVZZhBCJxGgESTREK1NGzVZrkkDyAA/edit

It should allow comments from anyone, though I'd like comments on this page as well, if possible. Note: I don't swear, but the phrasing and attitude of the verbage is PG-13, for those that care about things like that.
 

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Tinner

First Post
Honestly, I don't consider myself overly-sensitive, but your intro was so juvenile and unecessary, I lost all interest in looking at your setting after reading the first few paragraphs.
That kind of stuff is fine in a home game, but if you want people to take your setting seriously and give you some feedback, you might want to remove the extraneous drivel that reads like a 13 year old indulging his sex fantasies.
I AM interested in your setting! What you described sounds like it would be right up my alley. I'm just not wading through a bunch of weiner jokes to get to it.
TL;DR Cut the extra stuff and make your intro the 30 second elevator pitch. Write like an adult, and I'll be happy to look this over.
 


Nookie

Explorer
Though i found it funny i cant help but agree with Tinner and Ixis about your intro. That said with a cursory skimming i found a thing or three interesting. Sort of post apocalyptic dragonstar flavored type thing. In your next iteration i would definitely throw more crunch in.

Interesting take on Divine magic By the way. seems like lots of opportunity for adventure, just tone down the sophomoric humor.
 

Ixis

First Post
Thanks for all the input! I always worry that if I don't try to be funny or interesting people won't read. I've gotten rid of a lot of the extra stuff and tried to make things tighter and to the point.
 

Tinner

First Post
I appreciate the edits you made. Now it actually reads like a legitimate setting and not a joke. Being interesting is important, and being funny can help, but you have to tailor your humor to the material you're presenting.
I really like the alien spores thing. It feels very Gamma World or Thundarr the Barbarian.
I'm not a psionics fan, so that part does nothng for me.
You've got an interesting take on the Divine/Arcane. Maybe consider renaming them though? If the magic isn't actually coming from divine sources, why would it still be called divine magic? Maybe just call it alien, or extraplanetary?
The alignments as you present them will take an established player a while to get used to, but they make sense. They kind of seem more like d20 Modern's Alleigances IMO, which is a good thing.
What I really need to know more of though, is what do the PC's actually do in this setting? I see there's some political stuff going on, and there's monsters to fight, but give me more on what games you can run in this setting.
What you've got here is a good start. Flesh it out more and I think you can make a solid sci-fantasy setting out of it.
 


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