Internet Romance: Dream or Reality?

[janta]

I think it can work, but mostly doesn't. For any relationship to be successful, you've got to have a good idea of who you really are -- you've got to be comfortable in your own skin. Many of the people online just aren't there yet -- in fact, they may be using the 'net as a way to get to that point. That's certainly not a bad thing, but I don't think it's all that conducive to establishing a long term relationship. Especially if they're meeting people in an MMORPG...I think the chances are that anyone who spends vast quantities of time in an MMORPG probably has some socialization and/or self-esteem issues that will get in the way of a "real-life" relationship.

Ultimately: it depends completely on the people involved.

--Janta

 

[BiggusGeekus]

As a data point: a guy I know RP'd a dark elf rogue in EverQuest. Nobody in the guild knew he was a guy. The guy never lied about anything, he just acted naturally. Things fell through after about a year when he got a marriage proposal and he just couldn't keep up the charade any longer.

I really would avoid "meeting" people online. I am sure there are many success stories, but I think you'd have better odds playing the lottery. If you want to meet people, join a co-ed softball team or something.

 

[Wycen]

I bet it can work in certain circumstances, but the first hurdle which might derail the thing is the exchanging of pics, if that wasn't done at the very beginning. I would bet most of us consider ourselves nice folk who consider beauty is only skin deep, but reality can slap us in the face when after however many weeks or months of chatting we finally get to the "what do you look like?" point and then somebody's imagined version of the other person is shattered.

 

[tensen]

I'd say it is a reality... although it has its drawbacks.

Situation 1) My wife and I met originally via IRC in a fangroup for a specific Author. We've been married now 2 years, living together for several years before that. But we built our original relationship via the internet while she was over a 10 hour drive away from me for over a year. Note though, we had a mutual friend on the group that had met us both in person. (That helps.)

Situation 2) Good friends of mine also met online in a different chat group. Also long distance relation ship. Came to meet the woman of the group ontime because she was online friends, and found out her husband to be had worked with me. (Pointing out how close the world is.)

Situation 3) Two online friends of mine, get together online... do horrible things to one another life, and they both become psychotic freaks... (Note, this is a bad thing.)

 

[sedarfairy]

internet dating

I've made some excellent friends over the internet...but I'm a proof gal. When I meet someone over the internet and it works, I'll let you know. It has to be more effective than most of the reality show crap out there. At least over the internet, you tend to get to know each other first, without all the nerves and jitters of face to face.

I guess my final verdict is get out there in public and meet someone. But don't be afraid to try the net...you never know.

 

[shouit]

I am of the opinion that it wouldn't work for me, when I was single, I considered it, but honestly, I am a people person. I need to be around the person in real life. But, at the same time, I know quite a few people that have met online and made it work. The nice thing is that you are no longer restricted to where you live to meet people. One of the couples I know, met online. The reason he went online to search for a mate, was that he lived in the middle of nowhere Iowa, a town population somewhere in the neighborhood of 400 people. I know of another situation where I guy went online, cause most of the people in town, were related or married to someone who is related.


But in all honesty, all relationships take a LOT of work. None are fairy tales and none are easy, at least after a while.

 

[CaffeineBoy]

It worked for me.

I met my wife on the internet. We started out slow, with huge volumes of email, then graduated to phone calls (some lasting 4-6 hours), then finally meeting in person. We were both cautious and, above all, honest. I think that's the absolute predictor of failure. If you shave off too many pounds or too many years or otherwise misrepresent yourself, you're in trouble. Neither of us did, so when we met there were no disappointments.

Seriously, though, a relationship depends a lot on the medium through which it is transmitted. Chat rooms, email, IM, etc. are very easy. The rapport can build there, but after a while you have to move up the ladder. Every step is an interesting transition and potentially perilous. A great email relationship can crash and burn on the phone, or a good phone thing can fizzle when you actually see each other.

My wife and I have been together for 6 years (married, so far, for 3.5). So yeah, I like to think it can work.

 

[der_kluge]

As a data point: a guy I know RP'd a dark elf rogue in EverQuest. Nobody in the guild knew he was a guy. The guy never lied about anything, he just acted naturally. Things fell through after about a year when he got a marriage proposal and he just couldn't keep up the charade any longer.

I'd marry a dude if they looked like those dark elves from Everquest! Man, those things were hot! Especially the 1st level ones, without any cumbersome armor on.

I had a friend in college marry someone he met off the internet. But then, he flew out to Berkely and lived with her for a while, too, and then they moved back. I assume they are still married. They had kids together, too.

 

[Galethorn]

I have a couple of friends who met through gaming (mostly because I invited her after discovering she was interested in gaming, and he was one of my regular players), and started dating after he asked her over the internet, because he was too...uhh...bashful to use the phone. That's the closest I've seen to an 'internet relationship'. Now, that's not to say I would be any kind of authority on the matter, being rather sheltered myself.

 

[GlassJaw]

I think using online dating services is a good thing to try (like Match.com, etc). I've checked them out but haven't tried one yet but I have heard good things about them. It's basically just a means to meet people though. You never really know until you meet someone face to face.

Just as an aside, I had a roommate who always had a lot of "friends" he would talk about. I know a guy this, my friend that, etc. Basically, they were just people he would chat with online which I always found kind of weird that he would throw around the term "friend" so loosely.