Internet Romance: Dream or Reality?

[ArcOfCorinth]

I met my fiancée on a message board five years ago. We were just friends for the first two years, but then it all changed. She's in Texas. I'm in Alabama. It's a twelve hour drive, hour and half flight. We usually spend Christmas and the summer together. We both attend separate universities. Once we graduate, we'll be getting married.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

I, for one, totally believe in internet romance. Though my husband and I did not meet on the 'net, our realtionship did really *begin* over MSN Messenger and, there were several periods throughout our year of long-distance that MSN Messenger was our only means of contact... it wasn't perfect-- but, it sufficed.

Moreover, I have seen it work in the past for lots of my friends and family... it is rare... but it does happen!

 

[Kid Socrates]

I met my girlfriend over the Internet, and I wasn't looking for one at the time, which is I think how it worked. I was on IRC a lot at the beginning of college as part of a writer's workshop, and started talking to a girl out in Overland Park, Kansas. After a while we realized that we were talking a whole lot, and there was some general level of affection there; we did care about how each other's day was going and all that, and were fast becoming friends, and while neither of us was immediately opposed to the idea of a relationship, we decided all those ideas would have to hold off until we met, should that ever happen. ABout ten months after we first started talking, I visited a friend out in Kansas and met her, and we decided to try the whole relationship thing. I then made plans to try and move out this way. About a year and a bit ago, I managed to move out here, finally, and we've been doing great ever since.

We've been together three years, and the distance can be a huge killer. It's very hard to have a relationship stay strong for even a short amount of time long distance, especially when there's a thousand miles between you. I met her online, but we didn't decide anything until we met to see if there -really- was any chemistry there. That's how I'd recommend doing things. We chatted online for around an hour most every night, and I emailed her from work, and she called me every weekend, for two years.

I have a friend who's been with his girlfriend for around five years now, and she lives in Australia. He's here in the U.S. They see each other twice a year, for an extended period of time each time. He's pretty good at this whole long-distance relationship thing, but there's got to be that chance of things not being long distance in the near future.

I don't recommend a long distance relationship, though; they're hard, no doubt about it. But if the other person's worth it, then you carry on.

We've found that our start online has helped us a lot with communication, too. When all you do is talk, you get good at that. We don't have many miscommunication problems.

This is Matt, who also recommends you never ride a Greyhound bus for 25 hours to meet someone for the first time. Fly. Just trust me on this one.

 

[myrdden]

Dream or reality?

Virtual reality I would say.

 

[I'm A Banana]

I met her online, but we didn't decide anything until we met to see if there -really- was any chemistry there. That's how I'd recommend doing things.

Bingo.

I wasn't looking for one at the time, which is I think how it worked.

Honestly, I've come to the conclusion that this is how a lot of good, healthy relationship starts -- two people find they're right for each other when they ain't lookin'. Because if your'e looking, you get all nervous, you affect a style, you try to impress....if you're not, you're just you, and comfortable with it, you impress...

 

[Vocenoctum]

Just as an aside, I had a roommate who always had a lot of "friends" he would talk about. I know a guy this, my friend that, etc. Basically, they were just people he would chat with online which I always found kind of weird that he would throw around the term "friend" so loosely.

I generally used to meet folks through work, as I don't tend to go wandering much. Most of my real life "friends" either pissed me off so much I don't talk to them anymore, or moved/ joined army/ went to prison. The current job I'm at, I'm the only employee (I'm my Manager!), there are some customers I'm friendly with and we hang out a bit, but otherwise not much.

That said, I've had online friends that I've known for many years now, and never met IRL. I consider them to be better friends than most of the folks I meet in the real world, and frankly people irritate me.

As for dating, I order books, ammo, games... everything! online. I should be able to mail order a wife too! This stupid computer has to be useful for more than Freecell!

I have avoided matchmaking and general chats because I figure most of the "girls" in them are actually idiotic men.

 

[Karl Green]

I meet my wife on the free Hotmail before it was taken over by Match.com 4 years ago. We have been married just over 3 years. We talked a lot for the first few month just via email. Then had long talks on the phone. Then I flew out to meet her on a short vacation we both had. It was totally cool and we were married within a year of first talking to each other.

I was not sure about internet "dating" and I meet about 5 or 6 gals before I hooked up with Nancy, and nothing really happened. All I can say is that it was the best thing I ever did

I totally believe in it as it happened to me BUT you do have to be honest with each other (my wife did fib a bit online; She told me she was 5ft tall and weight "around a 100lbs" turned out she was 4'10" tall and was closer to 90lbs when we first meet, because I had told her I had never dated anyone shorter then 5'5". I still feel like a giant around her, but I forgave her that little fib )

 

[Arkham]

I should hope it is possible... My current job depends upon it. *heh*

Those looking for romance online just need to be cautious, more so than meeting people face to face. You need to take the time to get to know someone online, through video chat, phone calls, etc before meeting them in person in a public, populated place. I don't have any personal stories of finding my wife online, but several of my friends have met significant others through online games, chats, messageboards, etc.

 

[Kastil]

The main thing to remember is when dealing with people on the 'net, they tend to put their best 'face' on. You can be anything when you're sitting in front of a computer screen. All your 'faults' melt away so to speak.


Now I finally met one of my online buddies (I'm married so I'm not looking for anyone. That's plain wrong to do on any level!) recently and I think of him as more of a friend now. ::waves to Dem:: We acted just like we do to each other online. I think of him as a brother, really. :-D

You want ot met people that way, go for it but take it slow. Lies are easier with the stroke of the keys than the movement of lips.

 

[Jeff Wilder]

In my opinion, I consider these Internet relationships similar to long-distance-relationships: sometimes they work, but more often than not, they don't.

I've had three girlfriends I met on the Internet, but two really don't count, as we were at the same university and met in person very soon after meeting online. The third, though, was a true long-distance relationship -- San Francisco to Grand Rapids. We met face-to-face relatively quickly, within about six weeks of our first email exchanges, by which time we were pretty insane for each other. We also, because we were both in good financial shape and could afford the air-fare, spent several days a month with one another.

Anyway, that relationship lasted for about five months ... much longer, if you count the death throes. Since that's probably about average for my relationships -- none of the many of which have worked long-term -- I consider it as "real" or "mature" a relationship as any of the others. (It was also, frankly, probably the most passionate since my first serious girlfriend way back when I was 18.) That may be more of an indictment on my apparent inability to have a relationship last more than a year than it is an endorsement of that particular tryst, of course.

Personally, I think meeting on the net is as valid a way to meet as any other. I think it's even possible to fall in love on the net ... at least as much so as it is by phone. But while I won't say it's "impossible" to have a "real" relationship solely online, I think it's somewhere close to impossible.