Is this readable?

[Tsillanabor]

I'm attempting to write the next chapter of my Chronicles of Essenon in a faux epic style. What I would like to do (since it is a lot of work making each line 12 syllables) is to find out if it is a readable style or if I should just continue in regular prose.

The Saga of Brock Magnusson

Listen! For I speak of Brock, last son of Magnus
That great lord who slew other kings, enslaved their sons,
Made their warriors tremble, and made them pay tribute.
Who built his mighty hall at the Mount of Geatmon.
By his own hand was it built, a mighty fortress.
Take heed as I tell of the fall of great Magnus-
The Son of Ymir Snorgat feared Magnus’ growing might,
Swiftly gathered his horde together and attacked.
Mighty Sons of Ymir, more powerful than ten men,
Dimwitted ogres, fearsome winter wolves, foul trolls
All gathered together to attack Magnus’ Hall.
The great king sent messengers, as swift as Sleipnir,
To the nine princes pledged to send him assistance.
O treacherous ones! Your livers were weak that day!
Like weak women you wailed and remained by your hearths.
Your names are known and by Thor vengeance shall be sought.

 

[Pyske]

Doesn't seem sustainable, and story hours die frequently because of the amount of effort required. If you want the "feel" of it, perhaps it would be better to post the first verse of each post in epic meter, then continue in prose.

 

[Tsillanabor]

I know I could do it, I just wonder if anyone would want to read it

 

[the Jester]

Hmm- somewhere in between "Yes but I don't like it" and "a great and wonderful thing" imho. I don't honestly know that I'd want to follow a story hour written like that, but if each update was short, maybe...

 

[Nonlethal Force]

Yes, it is readable, but I honestly don't like it. It might have to do with spacing and presentation, too. Too many lines of text together make it more difficult to go from the right edge back to the left edge. It isn't helped by the fact that the right edge doesn't go to the edge of the screen. If you put in a blank line after every four or five lines it would be much more readable - but the breaks would likely not match natural pauses in the story.

Honestly, I'd vote for normal prose. But I'm admittedly not a poetry kind of guy.

 

[Tsillanabor]

Hmmm...what about if I took Psyke's suggestion and posted a small portion in meter and the rest in prose? Or should I just stick to prose completely?

 

[el-remmen]

I think Psyke's suggestion is a good one.

Maybe each entry (or set of entries) could have such a poem as a prologue and epilogue that book end the events?

Personally, I like it.

 

[Nonlethal Force]

Hmmm...what about if I took Psyke's suggestion and posted a small portion in meter and the rest in prose? Or should I just stick to prose completely?

Yes, that would be better. Even something as long as six lines or so would defiantely be readable. I think that would capture the feeling you are looking for without having to do it all in that style and without forcing the readers to read it all in that style. By only doing a few lines in the beginning, it would keep it fresh.

 

[Tsillanabor]

I think that is what I'll do-bookend each entry. The players like their introductions, so the first post will be mostly verse, but other than that I think I'll try to keep it to a few lines at the beginning and end of each post.

 

[Nifft]

Some of it is good, some of it feels forced.
I agree with the others -- if this style is used in modration (where appropriate), you'll end up with a better story overall.

Your effort is ambitious, and i applaud that.
Ambition is good thing.

Thanks, -- N