Ah, yes. Tasteless and controversial. The two things you can only do loudly and annoyingly online. (See John Gabriel's Greater Internet ((Jerk)) Theory)
2E: She's the girl a couple streets over I used to ride bikes with when I was young. We liked each other, but never got around to really connecting deeply. It always ended up with us complaining about other systems we were with and secretly crushing on each other at totally the wrong times without even knowing it. I see her on Facebook or MySpace sometimes. I think I even have her Monster Manual I in my closet. She got left at the altar not too long ago - the guy was a real toad. He ran off with some FUDGE derivative instead of her. I hope she finds a nice publisher someday who will show her a good time and help her highlight her positive aspects. I guess I'd hook up with her (Make Whoopie) once or twice to finally admit to those feelings from so long ago, but if she really got to know me now, I wouldn't be her type anymore. Nor her mine, really.
3E: She's the girl I dated freshman year of college. A pastor's daughter just waiting to get out of the house and experiment with things and people. She did some of the wildest stuff out in Syracuse, giving herself away for illegal substances, getting involved in 3-PPs and getting so plastered she couldn't even tell you the next day how many adventurers had raided her dungeons. Of course, she was 500 miles away and wasn't into me anymore by then. Her PHB was still new and pristine when we dated; she hadn't Unearthed any Arcana yet. I was a good boy and didn't pressure her to adopt alternate rules sets or classes. Sometimes I wish I had. I might have had a shot with her if I had loosened my campaign settings a little. I saw her in person a few years back - old flames rekindled and she offered to Experiment with my Might one night, but I couldn't pull the trigger. I didn't have any protection for the dice, either, and you don't want those mingling in bad company too much. After a falling-out online earlier this year, we stopped talking. There were too many supplements, too much baggage. We didn't have anything in common anymore. I should have thrown her into the tide (Kill) down in Myrtle Beach after she invited my wife and I down there and then completely ignored us. It's probably just as well. That brings us to...
4E: She's my wife. (Marry) The only woman to actually offer me her phone number and I married her. Never before has a woman approached me of her own interest, so that was a new experience to be sure. It hasn't been an easy time. We spent a long time apart - between two difference cities in Ohio, then Ohio and Iowa and then when she tried to join the military.. heck, she even broke up with me twice between '03 and '05. A lot of communications breakdowns and missed deadlines. She's very immature, but ambitious. She amazes me with the amount of effects she can juggle in a single power, but then fails to grasp the simple concepts, like disarming. So much potential if she could just consistently aim it in the same direction. She's the secretary of our local volunteer organization, keeping everything well-indexed and Core. She teaches in a church preschool and can explain what she knows and believes in ways that are so simple and obvious whereas I can't always drop myself to those beginner levels sometimes. Money is no object for her -- at least, she likes to think so and has really levelled my savings accounts, but we've been able to restock this year by planning what we didn't need, like the Draconomicon or Manual of the Planes. She knows what she wants - which is a lot - but at least its focused. Her supplements aren't so scattered and patchwork. And really, despite her faults - heaven knows I have mine - she's a lot of fun and has great, creative ideas. My life is better as her husband. We'd like to start a family, but so far no good. Hopefully a little more exercise and a little less combat will improve our odds.
...and I never thought I'd write something that accurately combined my gaming experiences with my dating experiences so concisely and thoroughly. I'm going to have to reevaluate my life now... ::spooky::
