Lamest character deaths ever!

[Khayman]

I can blame Stormbringer for my two worst.
ONE --- Another character was killed by a flying mutant lobster. Not a giant flying mutant lobster, no; not even a flaming flying mutant lobster with lasers strapped to its head. Just a flying lobster. Pointy little b***tards have a really strong grip.
TWO --- I spent all session haggling with merchants to get credit to buy a honking big sword and armour. Five minutes after entering the Forest of Troos, I failed a listen check and was mauled from behind by a wolf the size of a horse. The only action that sword saw was scraping brain moss off a tree.

I narrowly avoided another Stormbringer mishap, in which a third character tried summoning a demon to bind into a sword. A fumble on the roll resulted in an explosion which put my latest character into a ten-day coma, and did the same to our crazed Chaos priest. When we came to we were too weak to move. Fortunately, the priest had a demon-bound set of armour that could walk around with spider legs... so he staggered over to our gear, opened it with his teeth, and spat half-chewed brain moss into my character's mouth. That accursed moss, for which the other character died, amplified the sensations of starving and drove my character mad.

Still alive though --- last seen on a leash behind spider-boy.

 

[Rabelais]

Lame Deaths

Our party (3rd level or so) had just finished clearing a dungeon of the BBEG and all of his minions. We'd collected all of the loot, and were trudging up to the surface.

As a joke the DM had a small hunting party of four Kobolds enter the cave, just as we're exiting. At that moment, the God of Dice decided that we'd fallen behind on our Natural 20 payments. We proceeded to have our backsides handed to us by 4 measely Kobolds.

We managed to kill 3 of them, before the 4th one dropped the lone remaining fighter. We tallied up the loot for the DM and realized that this single little kobold was worth something along the lines of 30000 gp in gold and gems. 2 +1 weaps, a spellbook and a tired, overloaded donkey.

 

[Epametheus]

2nd session of a new campaign that died one session later, we had the L2 paladin get instantly mowed down by generic kobolds.

The Paladin had an AC 20 or so, and had stepped out from behind cover to draw out the kobolds and allow us to rush them.

The DM's lowest roll for all six kobolds was a natural 18.

8d8 or so damage later, the paladin is down and that player didn't even try to play another frontliner for approximately 2 years.

 

[Brakkart]

Well my most embaressing death as a character was so bad, my DM (Eccles on these boards) immortalised it in verse, thusly:

Lo! Harken ye and listen,
To the tale as yet unsaid,
A story that will let you know,
How Jared became dead.

A mission once he undertook,
A man he had to slay.
A merchant-spy in Dagger Falls,
Most evil and depraved.

The price for this foul murder,
Was training and a home.
A princely sum for the Blackspawn,
A Half-Drow on his own.

So Jared took his weapons up,
Twin blades both shining bright.
Fasten'd his best armour on,
Then slid into the night.

The challenge that beset him first;
The leaving of his room.
Not wishing to descend below,
Where skin-tone spelt his doom.

With mighty slash, our hero
Cut his sheets up into lines,
And fasten'd them atop his bed,
Instead of some good twine.

Then swinging out of the window,
He scrambled down the wall.
At least that was his cunning plan;
His knots weren't good at all.

A goodly way he plummeted,
And hard he struck the ground.
He fled the cobbles as they were,
Bloody linen all around.

Limping hard, he then set off,
His target's home he knew.
He travelled 'cross the unknown town,
And arrived afore the dew.

'Twas there that mighty Blackspawn,
Met challenge number two,
As he beheld a mighty wall,
Which blocked the house from view.

All in the night, and stealthy-like,
The half-drow man did climb,
His fingers found no purchase,
He fell in the ditch and whined.

He clutched his skull in darkened hands,
And moaned out loud in pain.
Then swiftly quaffed a potion,
So he could walk again.

Now the doughty warrior,
A grimace on his face,
Walked backwards thirty paces,
Turned, and began to race.

His running form closed on the wall,
Our hero failed to leap,
And with a crash, he fell to earth,
All crumpled in a heap.

He tried once more, he tried again,
Our hero tried and failed,
After three collisions with the wall,
The half-drow's spirits quailed.

So now he walked around the place,
A-spying at the doors.
Just checking out the building,
And counting its two floors.

All strengthened in his knowledge,
He turned back to the wall.
Then taking out his grappling-hook,
Climbed up, and did not fall.

All nimble-like, the subtle drow
The garden he didst scout.
Selected where he would descend,
Climbed down, and heard no shouts.

Avoiding hazards, cross the grass.
He listened, at the door,
His plan was then to slip inside,
And climb to the top floor.

Alas! As mighty Jared found,
The door, at night, was locked.
The half-drow had no skill with picks,
And hence this way was blocked.

So thus, our Prince-Assassin,
Climbed back atop the wall.
Scrambling, silent, o'er the roof,
Was careful not to fall.

Tremendous find! That moment,
The stealthy one did pass,
A mighty window in the roof,
All made of brittle glass.

All subtlety, our hero,
Didst wield his mighty swords.
And breaking silence broke the glass,
Which fell in noisy shards.

Cat-like, the noble warrior,
Down to the landing leapt,
And nimbly dodging broken glass,
Around the corner crept.

He now saw he was in a hall,
With four doors and a stair,
He heard a cry come from the north,
There was an armed man there.

The fight began, as Jared drew
His swords against his mark.
And slashing wide, began to fight
The butler in the dark.

A second cry, and then a third,
Feet on the stairs, and then,
Quite shortly, brave Sir Jared,
Was duelling 4 grown men.

A slash, a stab, and then two foes
Had fallen to the floor.
To tell the truth they fell downstairs,
Some twenty steps or more.

However, in the dark combat,
Brave Jared lost his way
And could not tell which foeman was
The one he had to slay.

Backing down the corridor,
The eager warrior fled,
And swiftly drank a second draught,
To heal his fractured head.

The two remaining enemies
Fought bravely in the dark.
And narry one of Jared's blows
Could close upon its mark.

The self-same problems did not hold
For Blackspawn's doughty foes.
A merchant and his butler
Rained down their deadly blows.

Not once, not twice, but fifteen times,
The brave young drow was struck,
He backed away once more and
Quaffed his potions without luck.

For not a one of Jared's drinks,
Held great healing draughts inside,
And then, alack, his shining blade,
Was thrown off to the side.

Then Jared knew the game was up,
As sword and axe both fell,
The murderous assassin drow
Fell down the stairs as well.

Although not highly in our hearts,
This dark-skinned elf is bound,
Like this we should remember him;
Naked as he was found.

And in his death, at last he met
The task that was laid down,
As early the next morning,
The merchant fled the town.

My character Jared Blackspawn was a Rogue4/Ranger1 trying to qualify for the Assassin prestige class! Needless to say the dice really were not with me that night!

 

[Goblyn]

3.0 PsyWar, Level 1

Encounters and orc cleric while scouting.
Round 1: Priest casts hold person. Save failed.
Round 2: Priest casts darkness.
Round 3: Other PC arrives. Orc CDGs PsyWar. Save successful, but HP =-5. Uses autohypnosis to stabilize. Other PC, throws his spear into the darkness. Hits Psywar. For 5 damage.

 

[DiFier]

In an AU campaign I had a charachter with really bad luck. We were all 2nd to 3rd level. I was a 3rd level wind witch I rarely hit anything as it was and the session he died I rolled an 18 on a spot check but everything else was 1-8 or so.

We are on the edge of an evil haunted lake and we were being attacked and the evil magister(?) casts a spell that would not allow me to attack him. I failed the will save, rolling a 3, I had the highest will modifier in the group. So he runs away as another charachter shoots him with arrows. I cast a spell to boost my will save. but they guy has cast a spell and is hiding. eventually the spell runs out. I go to where I think he is and roll the 18 spot check plus my bonus, I can see him. I miss with my sword. on his turn he casts a charm type spell. I roll a 1. Now I will do anything to help him. first I point over by the lake "he's over there" then I heal him (again rolling low so he only gained 4 HP) The other PC can't see him so they are looking all over the place when they get too close to the lake they have to make a will save. some hear voices calling for them to go into the lake. most make their saves with flying colors. I'm charmed so I have to help this guy I yell "he's over ther and run toward the lake." roll my will save: 2: fail misirablly. dive into the lake. I have a strength of 10 and leather armor. I attempt to swim to the bottom of the lake the voices are telling me to. but I fail my swim check. so I'm just floundering at the surface of the lake. I also have a 10 con so I quickly die. thank god the was the death of the lamest charachter. I had already talked to the DM about switching charachters cause as a witch I was now the only spell caster in the group, the magister, mage blade and runethane had all left the group, but I kinda wanted to go out in a blaze of glory.

 

[Chimera]

Not so much lame as in mundane, but lame as in bad Dming.

I join the campaign-in-progress with a Bard 6/Cleric 3. On my third session, we're in a big battle in a city. My character is on a rooftop, moving back and forth, firing spells and arrows at the bad guys, who can't see me most of the time. Bad guy Wizard, much higher level that we could handle (hallmark of this DM) casts a Evard's Black Tentacles on the corner of the roof right where I am at, although he cannot see me or possibly know that I am there. All tentacles hit me, dead in one round.

I ask the DM how the guy knew where I was. He points at an NPC about 100 yards in the other direction and says that he told the Wizard. Yeah, sure ....how did he do that??? Freaking sign language?!?!?

Same DM, next campaign. Our party is walking through tunnels, arguing about how to approach bad guys. Bad guys hear us and come to us. We decide to turn around and head out. Instead of simply turning around and moving out, idiot DM has the entire marching order re-assemble in the opposite direction. Not only that, but my 5th level Cleric is now 15-20' behind the next character, pretty much trapped on his own as the enemy comes at us from multiple sides.

Round 1, I have low initiative. 9th level Grappling Optimized Fighter in Bladed Armor grapples my character and puts him down to 4 hit points. I then try to escape. I roll 16 +8 = 24. He rolls 11 +14 = 25. No go. Round 2 I am reduced to -12 hitpoints and killed. Evil Idiot DM blames me for not doing better in the fight... Oh yeah, my 5th level Cleric can easily handle an optimized 9th level grappler. What are you smoking???

I quit that game group shortly thereafter.

 

[Turanil]

With all the character death threads going around (OK I read Ogre Mage's thread) I thought I'd start this one.
Bascially I'd like to read about the lamest character deaths (meaning death by pathetic monster or common everyday occurance) in any of your games.

My lamest character death occured in a BRP Call of Cthulhu game:

My character was a paranoid obssessed with dynamite. He always had dynamite with him, to use against the supernatural threats the group would face. Unfortunately I once entirely forgot about all the dynamite in my bagpack. We were on a vampire hunt, knowing our firearms would be useless, but believing that vampires should be vulnerable to fire. We entered the house, and I had a can of gazoline, while the other PC had a torch. As we didn't find the vampire, we eventually decided to put fire to his house. Just then, he entered the room which furnitures were beginning to burn, with us stupidly inside. The vampire jumped on the other PC with the torch, but I threw the gazoline on both of them. Of course, the other PC caught fire as well as the vampire who then attacked me, and grappled me. Hence, I also caught fire, yet frantically tried to get free from the vampire's hold.

It's when the GM remembered about all the dynamite and asked me about it... It was inside my bagpack, and since I was already burning... BOOOMM!! Everything that was left of the two stupid adventurers, the vampire, and his house, was a big crater.

 

[Barmy Gith]

I once made a 1st level cleric to accompany a party hunting goblins in the wilderness. At one point, we had to climb down a rope hanging over the side of a cliff. The DC was low, and I could have beaten it by taking 10, but I was impatient and forgot about the possibility of rolling a 1.

I rolled a 1, the cleric fell, the party tried to grab him but to no avail.

So it was that the party's cleric died before a single combat had taken place and within the first 20 minutes of the game.

 

[res]

I've got a few to share...

In a Swashbuckling Adventures Game, I've got a level 5 Swashbuckler and we are helping some women with their broken wagon along the side of a road. They said they were attacked, and the two big fighter types of our group ride ahead to catch their attackers. I go about repairing their cart when they offer us some tea to drink. (Of course, I'm not there this week, someone else is playing my character) I accept and, you guessed it, the tea is poisoned. I fail my Saving throw and die.

The other was a player in one of my regular games (3.0). They were 8th Level and I think this guy was a fighter (I can't remember) they get attacked by five Gnolls (4th Level Ranger). One Gnoll shoots this guy with a bow and scores a crit. Next round, the Gnoll who shot him charges him with his battle axe. Rolls another crit and drops the character to -14

The final one is another character in the same game. A Halfling Rogue (whose player was away and someone else was running him, take a note, don't make someone else play your character in my group, or you'll die.) Was fighting a demon who cast darkness around him. An Elf Archer decides to fire where he thinks the demon is, he misses the demon but gets the Halfling. He rolls a crit and 50+ points of damage later, the Halfling is dead (Death From Massive Daamage). When the player got back, we told him we had a new miniature for his character and we gave him a tombstone with a casket.