Let's Write a Bad Module

[Insight]

28. The Winding Path

You are all surprised to discover that the cave collapses in on itself. There are no gnomes to hold up the walls, and so there is a cave-in. Even twelve monkeybirds cannot do it. They have no chance.

Escaping the collapse, you find yourselves in an odd meadow. The grass is neither tall nor short, and there are no flamenco dancers anywhere to be seen. You spend quite a long time looking for flamenco dancers and a mariachi band (just to be sure) and after doing so, you are fairly certain there are none.

While searching, you are shocked to learn that a dirt path winds its way through the area, leading from west to west. Other than the path and dearth of flamenco dancers (or a mariachi band), there is little else to see here. There are no trees, giant lizards, shrubs, or pandas anywhere in the area. It is essentially a flat meadow.

As soon as the characters breathe or sniff the air or inhale or exhale in any way, or don't, they are surprised by a Tarrasque.

Tarrasque. AC 49, HD 13d8+13. HP 19. Bite +13, 1d6+47 Dmg. SD Indeterminant Expressions. AL N.

It is a baby Tarrasque that's lost its mother and wants to find her. The Tarrasque is neither joking nor tarrying in any way. It also does not wear tap dance shoes nor does it think it can win a trip to Paris. The Tarrasque does have an expression, but the characters may not interpret it correctly. Roll a d6. 1-2 Sad, 3 Grumpy, 3-4 Angry, 5-6 Needs to be Changed. If the characters are surprised, they have no chance to determine the Tarrasque's expression until it has been defeated.

If the characters attack the Tarrasque, it will cry out for its mother. Make a Sense Motive check DC 25 to determine that the baby is actually not violent, but looking for its mother. The DC is exactly 25. Rolling higher or lower than 25 fails the check. If the characters all fail the Sense Motive check, they think the baby Tarrasque is trying to sing "The Girl from Ipenema" and must make a Will Save DC 15 or sing along. Note that any characters who fail their save can do nothing but sing until dead.

When the characters defeat the baby Tarrasque, or they have died, they can continue along the winding path to the next encounter. They cannot go back into the cave due to the collapse, not even if they have union laborers to help clear debris.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

#29b

Read the following out loud to your players:

You see a gargantuan white dragon.

Great wyrm fiendish half-celestial white dragon: CR 23; Gargantuan Outsider (Cold, Chaotic, Evil); HD 36d12+360; hp 594; Init +5; Spd 60 ft, fly 200 ft (poor), swim 60 ft, burrow 30 ft; AC 43 (+1 Dex, -4 size, +36 natural); Melee bite +47 (4d6+15), 2 claws +42 (2d8+7), 2 wings +42 (2d6+7), tail slap +42 (2d8+22); SA breath weapon, frightful presence, freezing fog, other spell-like ablities, smite good, half-celestial spell-like abilities; SQ +4 save vs. poison, icewalking, immunities, fire resistance 20, DR 20/+3, blindsight, keen senses; Face/Reach 20 ft by 40 ft / 15 ft; SR 27; AL CE; SV Fort +30, Ref +21, Will +26; Str 41, Dex 12, Con 31, Int 20, Wis 23, Cha 22.
Skills and Feats: Bluff +42, Concentration +46, Diplomacy +42, Escape Artist +37, Knowledge (arcana, geography, history, religion) +41, Listen +44, Scry +41, Search +41, Sense Motive +42, Spellcraft +41, Spot +44; Hover, Flyby Attack, Power Attack, Cleave, Snatch, Improved Initiative, Spell Focus (Evocation), Alertness, Wingover, Quicken Spell-Like Ability.
SA–Breath Weapon (Su): Cone of cold, 60 feet long, every 1d4 rounds; damage 12d6, Reflex half DC 38.
SA–Frightful Presence (Ex): Dragons can unsettle foes with their mere presence. This ability takes effect automatically (radius 360 ft) whenever the dragon attacks, charges, or flies overhead. A potentially affected creature (one with less than 36 HD) that succeeds at a Will save (DC 34) remains immune to that dragon's frightful presence for one day. On a failure, creatures with 4 or fewer HD become panicked for 4d6 rounds and those with more than 5 HD become shaken for 4d6 rounds. Dragons ignore the frightful presence of other dragons.
SA–Freezing Fog (Sp): Similar to solid fog, this ability also causes a rime of slippery ice to form on any surface the fog touches, creating the effect of a grease spell. The dragon is immune to the grease effect because of its icewalking ability.
SA–Other Spell-Like Abilities: 3/day - fog cloud, gust of wind, wall of ice; 1/day - control weather.
SA–Smite Good (Su): 1/day, deal an additional +20 damage against a good foe.
SA–Half-Celestial Spell-Like Abilities: 3/day-protection from evil, holy aura; 1/day-bless, aid, detect evil, cure serious wounds, neutralize poison, holy smite, remove disease, dispel evil, holy word, hallow, symbol, summon monster IX (celestials only), resurrection.
SQ–Icewalking (Ex): This ability works like the spider climb spell, but the surfaces must be icy. It is always in effect.
SQ–Immunities (Ex): Immune to acid, cold, disease, electricity, sleep, paralysis.
SQ–Blindsight (Ex): Dragons can ascertain creatures by nonvisual means (mostly hearing and scent, but also by noticing vibrations and other environmental clues); this dragon's range is 360 feet.
SQ–Keen Senses (Ex): Dragons can see four times as well as humans in low-light conditions and twice as well in normal light. They also have darkvision (range 1200 feet).
Spells Known (cast 6/8/8/7/7/7/5; as a level 13 sorcerer): 0–detect magic, resistance, detect poison, read magic, dancing lights, ghost sound, mage hand, open/close, mending; 1–endure elements, mage armor, shield, true strike, charm person; 2–bull's strength, cat's grace, blur, endurance, fog cloud; 3–haste, dispel magic, protection from elements, slow; 4–dimension door, improved invisibility, detect scrying, confusion; 5–cloudkill, dominate person, summon monster V; 6–greater dispelling, disintegrate.



This is a role-play encounter.

 

[Eridanis]

This is freakin' brilliant. You need to be careful, though - the module's only 32 pages long, and you're probably getting to the end.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

This is freakin' brilliant. You need to be careful, though - the module's only 32 pages long, and you're probably getting to the end.

Don't worry about it, anything that is missing will be published as a web-based erratta some time next year.

 

[StupidSmurf]

Don't worry about it, anything that is missing will be published as a web-based erratta some time next year.

We COULD go to a 64-page format.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

We COULD go to a 64-page format.

Heck, let's go for 144 pages and hardcover. We can include a 5 1/4" floppy with the map on it.

 

[Insight]

I vote for a 3-D map, complete with glasses for the DM. Of course, the glasses don't work properly, making the map nearly illegible.

 

[Evilhalfling]

30. Ladies bedroom

This is easily discernible as a room beloning to the mistress of this place. Its furniture is all of good quality, unusual design, and superior workmanship.

Describe this room as you wish. The elaborate bedroom has a huge bed, dressers, a wardrobe, an an ottoman. The ward robe has all sorts of modern, period and wizard clothing. A few garmets seem to be gone for there are about a dozen empty wooden hangers Detect Magic will show a faint aura clinging to the empty hangers. There is no real treasure here.

-27-​

oh wait we are supposed to be writing our own modual not quoting existing bad moduals
can anyone name this? here is a hint it is one of 5 pages of room description, + 2 maps which contains 1 encounter, and has nothing to do with the rest of the adventure.
our adventure is 27 pages so far when converted to word (whee! watch me procrastinate)

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

oh wait we are supposed to be writing our own modual not quoting existing bad moduals
can anyone name this? here is a hint it is one of 5 pages of room description, + 2 maps which contains 1 encounter, and has nothing to do with the rest of the adventure.

Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module? It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style

 

[Evilhalfling]

Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module? It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style

Nope, not RJ. I did find a second monster - but it is obviously trapped, and it would take a pigheaded player to release it.