Zinovia
Explorer
We see many words being commonly bandied about on the forums, often used in a way that may not be familiar to those new to the gaming community. Here is an attempt at a humorous look at the usual language of ENWorld posts.
Glossary of Newspeak:
Anime: The reason elves can have green hair.
Asshat: 1) Anyone who refuses to be swayed by your enlightened words of wisdom as you attempt to guide them to the "One True Path". You clearly know more than everyone else, and they should listen to you. 2) Anyone who attempts to persuade you to change your current opinion on the topic of discussion. They are obviously jerks who aren't satisfied to let others go their own way without attempting to save them from Badwrongfun.
Badwrongfun: Whatever other people find fun that you do not.
Doing It Wrong: The way other people play.
Dungeons and Dragons (abb. D&D): The version of the game that you play. Not any other version; those are not really D&D but instead are nothing but 1) a remnant of the past best left back in the 70's, 80's, or 90's or 2) A cruel parody of the one true rule set bestowed upon us by the holy founders and being sold by WotC to gain filthy lucre.
Game Balance: 1) A sinister plot of the game designers to nerf the Wizard. "Oh no! Master Elminster, what evil has been wrought in their misguided search for game balance?" 2) A means for WotC to increase the traffic on their forums by adding deep intellectual discussions about class balance issues such as "zOMG WotC is teh suck! A fihter beet up my teefling warlcok, game balance is brokin, nerf figters." (see World of Warcraft)
Gamist: 1) A person or game that puts coherent rules ahead of roleplaying. The cads! 2) A person who would rather be moving markers on a board than interacting with the game environment. Let them be the racecar and collect all the money when they land on "free parking".
GNS Theorists: People who think too hard about fantasy. (see Hong)
Hong: The authority on thinking too hard about fantasy. If he says you are, then it is so. Hong has spoken.
Kewl Powerz: 1) What H4ters call 4E Powers when they are trying to be snarky. 2) What DBZ characters have - Ka-me-ha-me-HAAAAAAAA
Magic the Gathering (abb. MtG): A WotC produced card game that has nothing to do with Dungeons and Dragons, which is turning into Magic the Gathering. (see World of Warcraft)
Narrativist: 1) A person or game that is focused primarily on plot and story development. The characters are but a small intrusion into the larger plot created by the game master. (see Railroading) 2) A game with a plot beyond "You are having a drink at the inn and decide to go out and risk your life with these random people you've never met before. You kill bad guys because they are bad, and take their stuff.
One True Path, also One True Way: The right way to play. Everyone who doesn't do it that way is Doing It Wrong.
Powers: Abilities granted to characters in 4th edition D&D. You can print them on cards to keep track of them better, and turn the card sideways to "tap" it, indicating that it's been used for this fight. (see Magic the Gathering)
Railroading: Forcing the characters to follow the plot you spent weeks preparing by limiting their options, often a result of DM's who have jobs and lives.
Roleplayer: 1) A person who likes pretending to be an elf. 2) A person who makes you watch while she spends two hours negotiating with every single shopkeeper in the village, making idle conversation with the farmers at the market, the ratcatchers on the street, the roper in the dungeon, and just about everything else that will hold still enough to listen to her. 3) A person who is playing the game the *right* way (see One True Path), since it's a roleplaying game. 4) A person who appreciates all that hard work you put into writing an adventure with a plot and interesting NPC's rather than blowing past it to get to the "kicking down the doors" part.
Roleplaying: 1) Pretending to be an elf. 2) Interacting with the NPC's and the environment in meaningful and interesting ways. 3) An excuse for your character being stupid, acting like a jerk, not cooperating with the party, deliberately farting in the middle of the tense negotiations with the King, or shouting "Bring it on!" to the dragon - "Hey man, I'm just roleplaying".
Rules: The actual instructions on how to play the game. These must be detailed enough to cover every conceivable situation that your group finds fun, while glossing over all those parts of the game that you do not find fun so as to not waste space in the rulebook.
Sandbox: An open game world which is richly detailed and where you have no plot. Just drop the players into it and see what they do, which is generally to wander around looking for plot hooks.
Simulationist: 1) A person or game that dwells on finicky details and makes you roll to see if the undercooked eggs your character ate at the inn for breakfast will give you salmonella. 2) An immersive world so full of detail that it feels like the real thing (see Boring) 3) A person or game that assumes that letting other people stick swords in you, light you on fire, and fill you with arrows might have lasting consequences and some kind of impact on your ability to function. "Bob the Barbarian fought the orc hordes, the evil wizard, and the battalion of archers, and was down to 1 hp, but still perfectly fine - until that squirrel came out of nowhere and got a lucky bite on him that suddenly rendered him unconscious."
Square: A unit of measurement in 4th edition D&D which shows it's disdain for the sacred square root of 2 and all things circular.
Suspension of Disbelief: Something that apparently breaks very easily. "Doctor I think my suspension of disbelief has been broken!" Put a splint on it and wait 6 weeks - it should grow back as good as new.
Verisimilitude: The amount of detail that you personally need to feel happy with a game system. Anything more is excessively simulationist. Anything less breaks your suspension of disbelief.
Wizards of the Coast (abb. WotC): 1) The saviors 2) The anti-Christ
World of Warcraft (abb. WoW): A computer roleplaying game that has nothing whatsoever to do with Dungeons and Dragons, which is rapidly turning into World of Warcraft. (see Magic: the Gathering)
Glossary of Newspeak:
Anime: The reason elves can have green hair.
Asshat: 1) Anyone who refuses to be swayed by your enlightened words of wisdom as you attempt to guide them to the "One True Path". You clearly know more than everyone else, and they should listen to you. 2) Anyone who attempts to persuade you to change your current opinion on the topic of discussion. They are obviously jerks who aren't satisfied to let others go their own way without attempting to save them from Badwrongfun.
Badwrongfun: Whatever other people find fun that you do not.
Doing It Wrong: The way other people play.
Dungeons and Dragons (abb. D&D): The version of the game that you play. Not any other version; those are not really D&D but instead are nothing but 1) a remnant of the past best left back in the 70's, 80's, or 90's or 2) A cruel parody of the one true rule set bestowed upon us by the holy founders and being sold by WotC to gain filthy lucre.
Game Balance: 1) A sinister plot of the game designers to nerf the Wizard. "Oh no! Master Elminster, what evil has been wrought in their misguided search for game balance?" 2) A means for WotC to increase the traffic on their forums by adding deep intellectual discussions about class balance issues such as "zOMG WotC is teh suck! A fihter beet up my teefling warlcok, game balance is brokin, nerf figters." (see World of Warcraft)
Gamist: 1) A person or game that puts coherent rules ahead of roleplaying. The cads! 2) A person who would rather be moving markers on a board than interacting with the game environment. Let them be the racecar and collect all the money when they land on "free parking".
GNS Theorists: People who think too hard about fantasy. (see Hong)
Hong: The authority on thinking too hard about fantasy. If he says you are, then it is so. Hong has spoken.
Kewl Powerz: 1) What H4ters call 4E Powers when they are trying to be snarky. 2) What DBZ characters have - Ka-me-ha-me-HAAAAAAAA
Magic the Gathering (abb. MtG): A WotC produced card game that has nothing to do with Dungeons and Dragons, which is turning into Magic the Gathering. (see World of Warcraft)
Narrativist: 1) A person or game that is focused primarily on plot and story development. The characters are but a small intrusion into the larger plot created by the game master. (see Railroading) 2) A game with a plot beyond "You are having a drink at the inn and decide to go out and risk your life with these random people you've never met before. You kill bad guys because they are bad, and take their stuff.
One True Path, also One True Way: The right way to play. Everyone who doesn't do it that way is Doing It Wrong.
Powers: Abilities granted to characters in 4th edition D&D. You can print them on cards to keep track of them better, and turn the card sideways to "tap" it, indicating that it's been used for this fight. (see Magic the Gathering)
Railroading: Forcing the characters to follow the plot you spent weeks preparing by limiting their options, often a result of DM's who have jobs and lives.
Roleplayer: 1) A person who likes pretending to be an elf. 2) A person who makes you watch while she spends two hours negotiating with every single shopkeeper in the village, making idle conversation with the farmers at the market, the ratcatchers on the street, the roper in the dungeon, and just about everything else that will hold still enough to listen to her. 3) A person who is playing the game the *right* way (see One True Path), since it's a roleplaying game. 4) A person who appreciates all that hard work you put into writing an adventure with a plot and interesting NPC's rather than blowing past it to get to the "kicking down the doors" part.
Roleplaying: 1) Pretending to be an elf. 2) Interacting with the NPC's and the environment in meaningful and interesting ways. 3) An excuse for your character being stupid, acting like a jerk, not cooperating with the party, deliberately farting in the middle of the tense negotiations with the King, or shouting "Bring it on!" to the dragon - "Hey man, I'm just roleplaying".
Rules: The actual instructions on how to play the game. These must be detailed enough to cover every conceivable situation that your group finds fun, while glossing over all those parts of the game that you do not find fun so as to not waste space in the rulebook.
Sandbox: An open game world which is richly detailed and where you have no plot. Just drop the players into it and see what they do, which is generally to wander around looking for plot hooks.
Simulationist: 1) A person or game that dwells on finicky details and makes you roll to see if the undercooked eggs your character ate at the inn for breakfast will give you salmonella. 2) An immersive world so full of detail that it feels like the real thing (see Boring) 3) A person or game that assumes that letting other people stick swords in you, light you on fire, and fill you with arrows might have lasting consequences and some kind of impact on your ability to function. "Bob the Barbarian fought the orc hordes, the evil wizard, and the battalion of archers, and was down to 1 hp, but still perfectly fine - until that squirrel came out of nowhere and got a lucky bite on him that suddenly rendered him unconscious."
Square: A unit of measurement in 4th edition D&D which shows it's disdain for the sacred square root of 2 and all things circular.
Suspension of Disbelief: Something that apparently breaks very easily. "Doctor I think my suspension of disbelief has been broken!" Put a splint on it and wait 6 weeks - it should grow back as good as new.
Verisimilitude: The amount of detail that you personally need to feel happy with a game system. Anything more is excessively simulationist. Anything less breaks your suspension of disbelief.
Wizards of the Coast (abb. WotC): 1) The saviors 2) The anti-Christ
World of Warcraft (abb. WoW): A computer roleplaying game that has nothing whatsoever to do with Dungeons and Dragons, which is rapidly turning into World of Warcraft. (see Magic: the Gathering)
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