of Defects and Nuisances


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Qwernt

Explorer
Tethys has hot body and nympho - her INT just isn't that good ;)

Helga is obscenely obese and fugly - her WIS is horrible

Depending on how much of the next part I can get into one update, the session coming up has immortalized Tethys' player in the annuals of our gaming group. :cool:

You know, I think I can represent all readers in being glad Helga didn't get nympho/hot body along with what she did get... that would have been a little too disturbing to imagine.
 

And lives were changed pt. 1

This session took place on Halloween so it has a distinct feel to it. I left it short so I could get the entire night in one update, so this is like the preface to the action. Enjoy:

With the passing of the gnoll guards, Lord Horatius began exploring the crypt noting that most of the sarcophagi had writing on them. Unable to make the words out he noted that the words appeared to be fluid and fairy like and so concluded they must be elven, “Anybody read elvish?”

“Elves don’t possess a written language.” The enermancer answered

“Riiiight, anybody else?” Lord Horatius queried

“I’ve seen some elvish in my day maybe I could make out a word or two, especially if there’s cussin’ going on.” Gramps offers

“Why would someone deface a sarcophagus with elvish insults? And since when did elves bury their dead underground?” Discordia asked

“You’ve actually got that backwards, see elves bury their living and then after a day in the dirt they rise up as immortals and live out their undead lives in the trees as they regard the earth with a frightening remembrance of their mortal lives. But the negative energy doesn’t build up real well so and any hedge witch could turn an elf without a lot of effort.” The enermancer interjects

“Whoa, you’re like some sort of savant the way you call up facts like that.
Have you heard of any cures for glandular problems?” Helga inquires of the enermancer

“Yes, but your issue isn’t glandular, it’s more of a gravitational design flaw.” The enermancer answers

Lord Horatius turns his attention to one of the dozens of canopic jars seated in niches near every sarcophagus. The hexblade notes the peculiar design on the jars, something like a crude bullseye with an “X” drawn through it. Taking one jar he attempts to open it but finds the wax seal still very much in place, “Gramps, what do you make of this?” The enermancer tosses the jar to Gramps who wasn’t expecting the toss and the jar shatters on the floor near the dwarf’s feet. Immediately after breaking the contents of the jar spill out onto the floor, a black morass undulating in the dim light spread out and up Gramp’s legs.

“Spiders!” Gramps shouts as he tries to stomp the critters off his legs

“Swarm!” Discordia shouts

“Clear!” Lord Horatius shouts as he tosses an alchemist fire vial onto the flailing dwarf

The death screams of the hundreds of spiders are drowned out by the panicked cries of Gramps as he tries to beat the spiders and the fire to death on his body.

“Damn! If we only had a dead bard.” The enermancer decries

“Why? What the hell would you do with that?” Helga asks

“Dead bards are the natural enemy of fire; we could beat Gramps with the dead bard and put the fire out quickly.” The enermancer answers

The baron’s daughter races up to Gramps and douses him with a waterskin full of water, putting the fire out and washing off most of the rest of the spiders.

“Quick thinking Penelope, you saved him.” Tethys comments

“Where did you get that?” The enermancer demands

“Your belt, that’s what you use to put out fires. Plus I figured the water would help get rid of some of the spiders too.” Penelope, the baron’s daughter replies

“Did you now? Well I’m sure you think you’ve been educated real well by your father’s money, but none of that can replace real adventuring. So why don’t you keep to your pipe dreams and let the real adventures take care of the adventuring?” The enermancer explains

“What were you going to do? Light his head on fire and hope the controlled burn would cause the fire on his legs not to spread to his burning head?” Penelope asked

“You know far too much about me to be here by accident.” The enermancer answered astonished by the insight Penelope possessed of his mind’s workings

“Whatever, glad I was here to help.” Penelope replies

“I wonder if all of these jars have spider swarms?.................... which would mean they’re drow.” Lord Horatius connects

Slyphwhisper, quietly slipped a couple of the jars into his backpack while the rest of the party tended to the injured dwarf.

“How are we going to get out of here?” Lavender inquired

“We fight our way out, we’ve got the numbers and the hardware needed to overtake the gnolls.” Discordia answers

“Secret door.” Gramps coughs, “under that.” The dwarf points to a sarcophagus next to Helga

The sarcophagus lid is pushed aside to reveal an iron rung ladder descending into the darkness. With the sound of approaching gnolls, the party climbs onto the ladder and heads down. Lord Horatius goes last, waiting until the gnolls sounded like they were right outside the door before he throws two of the spider jars at the door and then ducks down into the hole. The escape to the surface was uneventful and just as dusk settled over the land; the party emerged from the escape passage and made plans for getting the baron’s daughter home as quickly as possible.

The party elected to camp for the night and then head out in the morning, the cave they emerged from was further to the south than they had been in the ruined temple. Heading back north was going to mean circumventing the ruined temple by a couple of miles in order to avoid any search parties of gnolls out on the prowl for their former hostages. Discordia and Gramps sighed in relief as they knew the next two days would prove to be the most challenging if they wanted that reward money. Financing a campaign against a lich-king had to start somewhere and Discordia was just a few days away. The rescue had gone about as chaotic as she preferred and it worked out just fine, she was spending the money in her head already. The sound of coins clanging off a wooden counter soothed her into a restful sleep.
Discordia was awoken early in the morning with the despondent mourning of the enermancer as he lamented a sunrise clouded by rain clouds.

“What’s his problem?” Penelope asked Tethys

“I don’t know. I’m not a powerful enough cleric to waste praying for the cure whatever the hell your problem is spell.” Tethys answers

“Don’t clerics live for the curing of humanity?” Penelope inquired

“Not me, I live to be able to cast fireball at some undead chump who is all prepped for a turning. I dream of the look in their eyes when instead of the burning light of righteousness there’s a burning ball of oh yeah headed for their head.” Tethys answers

Lightening struck nearby and the acrid smell of ozone washed over the camp as the very air shook with thunder. The storm posed several travel problems; they didn’t want to wait here much longer for fear of having the gnolls follow them through the underground passage. Yet traveling in the dimness of the storm allowed the gnolls an advantage with the eyes that were built for stalking in low light conditions. The party packed up their belongings as best they could in the downpour and set out to the northwest, hoping the gnolls would search towards the main caravan route instead of heading towards the river to the west.

The sky dove deeper into a grayish green as the wind began to turn the rain sideways, forcing the party to take shelter behind trees several times. Tethys surmised that if dryer shelter was not found quickly, sickness both the mild and fatal kinds could be facing the travelers. An infrequent smell of burning wood carried upon the fierce winds gave several members of the party hope that somewhere up ahead there was a house or an inn where they could stay. Another four hours of traveling brought the group to a water logged and heavily muddied path. From the edge of the woods a small village was visible in the near distance. It did not take any prodding to get the group to agree to press on until the village was reached. What appeared to be a short distance of perhaps a mile, turned into a three hour trudge through wet ground that became the consistency of a thick marsh as they made their way to the village.

The village was horseshoe shaped with a large well in the center of the layout a two-story inn rose just beyond the well and the flicker of candle light could be seen in the inn as well as the first house on the left as they entered the village. Dreams of a warm dry bed were shattered as the raging storm above their heads was muted by the blood curling cry from inside the house to the left. The candlelight inside flickered, the storm battered them, the party blinked in curious caution and the sky above shed tears more heavily than anyone could remember.

“Well? Do you want to see what that was?” Discordia asked
 


Part 2

Slyphwhisper and Lord Horatius slosh their way through the muck to the back of the hovel, as they pass along the south side of the building, through a closed window they both spy a flickering light coming from an interior room. Continuing their trek they reach the back of the house and reach their destination a closed window in the kitchen area of the house. Lord Horatius tries the window but finds it locked.

“Give me a boost.” Lord Horatius demands

“What? I’m half your weight; you should be giving me the boost moron.” Slyphwhisper argues

“Shut up or you’re going to alert the homeowners of our presence.” The hexblade spat

A shrill scream quiets all but the sound of the rain, urgency pulled at spectators like a lost love while fear paralyzed them like a nightmare.

Lord Horatius grabbed the back of Slphwhisper’s head and forcibly bent him over, then planted a foot into the middle of his back. The gnome at first startled by the hexblade’s physicality resisted the weight of the human by trying to shove him off. The unexpected push from the gnome sent Lord Horatius through the glass window, into the kitchen and onto the sink below the window. Smashing filthy clay bowls and plates that were stacked in the sink. A second later the entire sink collapsed to the floor, spilling the hexblade into the middle of the kitchen. The commotion brought the dwarf crashing through the front door, splintering wood across the living area and leaving no doubt in the homeowners mind that they were no longer alone.

Slphwhisper deftly climbs through the newly opened window and as he skips across the kitchen he makes sure Lord Horatius wakes up with an extra bruise at the back of his head in the morning courtesy of his left boot. The gnome then slams face first into the plated chest of the dwarf as Gramps raced to see what happened in the back of the house. The dwarf bent down to lift the whimpering gnome off the floor but soon realized the whimpering was not coming below him, but to his left. Dim light flickering beneath the door into the small hallway brought even Gramps’ wheezing to a halt as the party picked themselves up and crowded near the intersection, trying to decide if a bust the door down weapons slashing or a more diplomatic rap on the door would be the best way to approach.

“Why are you worried about pretenses now? You’ve smashed a window, shattered a door and tore away their sink from the wall. I’m sure whoever is in the room crying could care less if you shattered that door as well.” Penelope observed

“Your sarcasm is duly noted.” The enermancer comments before throwing his shoulder into the door and forcing his way into a bloody nightmare.

The smell of blood and decay washed over the enermancer, ripping the smell of wet earth from his nostrils and shoving dread in its place. A dead male was propped against the wall opposite the enermancer a single dagger protruded from his throat, below the dagger his throat was misshapen and bloated, blood trailed down his arms which had clawed vainly to withdrawal the dagger before he expired. The blood pooled around his bare feet. The dim light was from a single candle which rested on a nightstand beyond a small sized bed immediately to the right of the door where the enermancer stood. Soft crying could be heard coming from the floor on the other side of the bed. Not wasting another hero’s second, the enermancer hurdled the bed and seeing a female body on the floor, adjusted his landing to miss the woman. The enermancer landed and rolled to his feet.

Turning to the prone woman, he finds her very pregnant and clutching a bloody dagger in her right hand. Wearily she cocks her head towards the enermancer, tears stream down her gaunt face and bloodshot eyes. Holding up the dagger the woman’s cracked lips part, “please, it hurts so much. Please get it out.”

“Tethys! This woman needs medical attention!” The enermancer yells

Tethys forces her way past Lord Horatius and Gramps, pausing for a moment to take in the dead body and then regard the woman on the floor, “I’m here to help, what hurts? Is it the baby?”

The woman shakes her head in disagreement, “my son” the woman looks over at the dead man, “he couldn’t get them out, he tried, he tried.” The woman wails

“What’s your name?” Tethys asks

“Please, I don’t have the strength. You have to get it out.” The woman winces

“Can I check on your baby?” Tethys inquires

“Baby” the woman answers

“Can you give your blade to him so that I can make sure you’re alright?” Tethys asks, hoping she can get the woman disarmed voluntarily.

The woman drops her hand to the floor and lets the dagger slip from her grasp. Gramps and Lord Horatius enter to investigate the dead male while Discordia and the Captain check out the rest of the house with Penelope standing at the door to the bedroom. Minutes pass before Tethys is done with her examination and she calls the rest of the party together.

“Whatever is wrong with her a simple heal isn’t going to fix, we need to see if this town has a priest or herbalist.” Tethys explains

“Why what’s wrong with the baby?” Penelope asks

Tethys pauses with a concerned look and before she can answer Discordia replies, “She’s not pregnant.”

“Not any longer anyway. There’s no fetal movement, in fact I couldn’t find a head or a butt let alone any other part of a child. I think she’s had a psychotic break. Her son’s been murdered and I just don’t think she’s in a good place mentally right now.” Tethys replies

“I think the guy killed himself, his palms were free of blood as if they were shelter when his throat was slashed. I think his hands were on the blade sticking out of his throat. Whatever is going on in this house is bad.” Gramps states

“Well, I think you and him should stay here and watch over her, while the rest of us go and find some help for her, I don’t want to move her unless we have to.” Tethys offers. The party accepts and Gramps and the enermancer pull off the pillow and blanket from the bed to try and make the woman more comfortable as the rest of the party get ready to head back into the raging storm outside.

“Where should we start?” Penelope asks

“The nearest building with lights on.” Tethys answers

“It appears there’s one across the way over there, and also one down there.” Discordia points out the only yellow lights standing out in a sea of pulsating blue lightening

“You want to split up and hit both places?” Tethys inquires

“Not really.” Penelope answers, the rest of the group concurs and elect to all travel together to the house across the street.

Lord Horatius lead the way and as the group heads out he catches a glimpse of the neighbor’s house and a whiff of burnt wood in the air. Stopping in his tracks he takes a few steps closer to investigate the house. The rest of the group protests and Lord Horatius waves them on. Not wanting to be in the rain any longer than necessary they leave him there. A few more steps closer and Lord Horatius understands why there’s no lights on in the neighbor’s house, there’s been a house fire that hollowed out the middle of the structure, leaving the outside walls erect. Lord Horatius remembered how low the candle was in the room they just left and concluded a few hours and the same fate would likely befall that house as well. The hexblade hustles to catch up to the group as they reach the house they sought.

Trying the door, Discordia discovers it’s unlocked. Opening the door the wind takes it from her hands and blows it open, the air rushes in and the brief glimpse she got before the wind blew the fire out in the fireplace was that of a workshop, carpenter was the first thought that popped into her head. As her otherworldly senses kicked in a few moments after the fire winked out, Discordia spotted the body near the fireplace just before the blood smell reached her nose.

“Another dead one in here.” Discordia alerts the group

“Whatever is going on here is bad, I think we should press on and find shelter elsewhere.” Lord Horatius says

“Maybe there’s something inside we can use? I’m going to check it out.” Tethys states

Slyphwhisper stays by the door as the rest of the group gets the fire relit. The dead body is that of a middle-aged man with a gaping hole in his chest, in his hand is a half completed marionette. The small wooden doll missing it’s lower half. The room is lavishly furnished with plush couches and chairs and a well built darkwood dinner table near the fireplace. A stairway to a lower level was just beyond the dinner table and light streamed up those stairs to the ground floor.

“I’m going to see what’s downstairs.” Tethys announces

Discordia and Lord Horatius move to join her as Slyphwhisper and Penelope search the ground level with Captain Eterie and the rest of the freed hostages. Penelope tries the closet by the door but finds it won’t budge, looking for a lock she discovers the door has been glued shut. Calling the rest of the group upstairs to investigate this odd feature, Penelope notes that the entire door has been sealed in glue.

“Tanglefoot glue, I’d know that smell anywhere.” Slyphwhisper notes

Perplexed looks wash over the group, “oh my god.” Penelope mutters

Slyphwhisper looks up to see the women staring behind him, spinning around the gnome catches the sight of the couch swing through the air before it connect with his small frame and the gnome is eject from the house through the shut front door. A shout of “zombie!” was the last thing he heard before his head skidded across the dampened ground and was covered in muck.
 

The Enemy Within

Slyphwhisper spat out mud and blood from his smashed mouth, shards of glass fell out of his hair as he rolled onto his knees. The rain was thrumming his throbbing skull as he tried to get his bearings. He spied the well off to his right and remembered where he was finally, he slowly turned back to trace his flight path through the window behind him. The zombie was using the divan as a club, swinging wildly at anything in front of it. The gnome could see the splashes of eldritch power behind the creature and guessed that Discordia was pummeling the thing from behind. Penelope ducked under a mindless swing as Captain Ettaire took the blow on her right side, instantly crumpling her right arm and cracking a few ribs. The woman went down wheezing and in pain. Tethys leapt off the stairs and began rummaging through the workspace at the back of the large room, looking for anything she could use against the creature. Lord Horatius tossed one of his flaming concoctions at the undead thing, he missed badly and watched as the vial sailed out through the broken window, it skidded across the muck and surfed snuggly up to Slyphwhisper’s feet.

One of Penelope’s guards stepped up and drove his double headed ax into the sofa, trying to deflect the swinging club from sailing into his head. He hit the furniture piece true, however the brute force of the negatively charged creature overwhelmed the guard and as his ax stuck into the sofa, the undead creature continued its follow-through and the back blade of the ax proved to be his downfall. When the guard couldn’t overcome the strength of the undead and his skull was split in two from his own weapon being driven into his own head. Penelope screamed as the body of the guard collapsed next to her, still spasming in his death throws. Helga stepped up to next meet the challenge from the creature; it brought the divan back up towards the eclipse creator trying to backhand the woman away. The blow struck hard but was not powerful enough to push the human loadstone. Helga wrapped her arms around the sofa trying to grapple the weapon away from the creature. Lord Horatius threw another alchemist vial onto the thing and this time the vial erupted the creature in a glory of burning righteousness. Tethys found a secret stash of weapons the homeowner kept in hiding and grasping for the biggest thing she could find, she yanked out a large greataxe. Turning back to the melee, Tethys swung the blade above her and slammed the axe down into the back of the undead man. Discordia wasted no time in finishing off the creature, blasting a hole through the tear in the back Tethys had just created.

Helga wrenched the sofa free from the hands of the undead creature and tossed it aside. Tethys rushed to help Captain Ettaire and mended the broken woman as best she could. Slyphwhisper returned battered and bloodied from the street outside and received help from Tethys as well. As the newly re-deceased body of the man cooked itself in the chemical fire sprung on it by Lord Horatius, Helga pushed and shoved the body into the fireplace where the stench wouldn’t overtake their gag reflex so easily. In the flickering light of the few candles that were lit, Discordia’s senses easily recognized the aura of the greataxe that Tethys held as magical.

“Were did you find that?” Discordia inquired of the nurse

“Back there in a cupboard somewhere, I wasn’t paying too close attention when I was rummaging through his kitchen.” Tethys answers

Dismayed, the tiefling women began going through the ravaged kitchen herself, although Discordia’s senses told her there were no other magics to be found there she searched nonetheless. Penelope curled up into ball against the fireplace wall and rocked silently as she watched the slowly growing puddle of red around the guard’s head.

“What are you looking for?” the arsonist asked Discordia

“A reason, a sense of what’s going on here.” The warlock answered

“Maybe there is none, I think we should collect wheezy and the other guy and get back to the road. Travel all night and deliver Penelope to her dad sooner than staying the night here would put us back. Any more of these attacks and she’s going to snap. She’s already in shock and there’s no cure for that, once she checks out of from reality she becomes a liability and a dangerous one for us at that.” Lord Horatius observes

“Did you get to see what was downstairs yet? Perhaps there’s an answer there, or if not maybe something for our trouble?” Slyphwhisper joins the conversation

“No, we never made it all the way down before you flew through the window. I don’t know if we want to find out what’s down there. Might be worse than what was up here.” Discordia counters

“Well, you said you wanted a reason. It might reside downstairs and my training compels me to seek out and explore strange new living areas and thoroughly devalue them through profiteering.” The gnome replies

“Fine, but someone needs to stay with her, I don’t want her wondering off into the night and end up dead or worse.” Discordia answered referring to Penelope

“Worse? What could be worse than dead?” Captain Ettaire asks

“Undead, slaad implantation, sex with a gibbering mouther, swallowed by a purple worm, an orc bard or a brothel owner in Olympus. All of those would be worse than death.” Tethys offers

“I don’t want to know how you compiled that list.” Discordia responds

“I do.” Lord Horatius speaks up

“I’ll watch her chief. I was thinking about taking a snack break away.” Helga offers

“You ate before we dismounted at the last house.” Slyphwhisper replies in disbelief

“Works for me, let’s see what secrets this guy’s basement holds.” Lord Horatius announces and trudges down the stairs

The basement smelled musty and damp and with the rainstorm outside made the smell almost overwhelming as they reached the last step. The dim light from their candles illuminated several rows of work tables one along each wall of the thirty foot wide room and another row down the middle of the room. Beneath the work tables several barrels were stored. On top of the tables exposed the homeowner’s hobby as dozens of marionettes hung motionless above the tables. None were painted and several looked to be hastily carved just to produce a body.

“Uck. It smells like dead worms in here.” Tethys protests, covering her nose with her hand in a feeble attempt to ward off the stench.

“I smell chemicals, smells like glue.” Discordia proclaimed and slid up to the row of tables on the right.

“I’ve smelled this before; I’m trying to remember where. Tsk, I don’t know, I can’t remember right now. Maybe it’ll come back to me.” Slyphwhisper states and moves through the room staring up at the lifeless faces peering down at him. The gnome gets an unsettling feeling and an oppressive sense of being watched, “I don’t like it here, I’m going to quick check to see what’s in that back room there and then I want to get out of here.”

Slyphwhisper uses the increased distance from the candles to his advantage as his gnomish eyes adapt to the growing darkness. Gazing into the small room at the back of the basement, he finds a sluice drain and the floor very sticky. A strong acrid smell comes up from the floor as well, giving him the impression that something fruity was dumped down the drain here. Stepping into the room, he spies a ladder attached to the side of the sluice drain just wide enough from a child or a gnome to descend into the darkness below. Slyphwhisper looks over the edge of the drain and can see water rippling below, perhaps only ten feet down. Another observation is that the ladder seems to end just above the water level. As the gnome stares across the dark water he notices breaks in the rippling here and there and suspects the man must have dumped more than liquid down this hole and se silently wonders what “treasures” he might find down there. A quick glance back finds the rest of his compatriots messing around with the disgusting dolls. Slyphwhisper quietly scurries down the ladder and stands with his feet on the bottom rung.

Slowly extending his blade, Slyphwhisper inserts the tip into the fluid and then retracts it quickly. Bringing it up to his nose he sniffs it to see if he detects anything odd about it. After smelling nothing and noting how quickly the water ran up his blade, Slyphwhisper concluded that there was nothing to worry about and he dipped his leg into the water. The cold liquid quickly soaked his britches up to his waist and a slight shiver ran up his spine from the sudden coldness on his leg. He felt around for the floor but could not find it with his submerged foot. The gnome then decided to reach for something sticking out of the water a few feet from him, hoping it was resting on the floor of the well. His foot grazed it and the object bobbed and moved a little bit. A sly smile appeared on the gnome’s face as he concluded that the object was floating in the water and attached to the floor of the well via a chain. He imagined a grand chest filled with valuable gems or coins or maybe exotic silks.

His curiosity sufficiently stoked, Slywhisper swung out with both feet in an attempt to draw the floating object closer to him. The thing was long and round like a log and when his feet stomped on its near side it flipped over to reveal the decaying face of a human with its stomach blow out or eaten out from the inside. His revulsion at the sight was quickly washed away by small motes of red lights glowing in the dark water. The lights glided up and around the dead body to surround it as if in a glowing bed of roses. Mesmerized Slyphwhisper watched the spreading morass of red as the whole chamber lightened to a blood red tint. The gnome leaned over to get a good top-down look at the lights; they looked to be dark rubies encased in a pillow of gel. Slyphwhisper touched one with his blade and the clear membrane held up to the point of the blade. He was so intently focused on the one near his blade; he neglected to see an upwelling around his legs.

“HELP!”

The terrified screaming from the room Slyphwhisper was checking out rattled through the marionette room. Lord Horatius, Tethys and Discordia ran to the back of the room to find Slyphwhisper pulling himself out of an opened sewer grate.

“One of them got on my skin! It burns!”

“What? What are you talking about?” Lord Horatius tried to get info from the gnome as Slyphwhisper tried to rip his pant leg off.

“Something in the water.” Slyphwhisper got out as he took his blade and quickly and carelessly cut off his right trouser leg.

Discordia peered over the edge of the sluice and saw blood everywhere, in the color of the water, up the ladder, in the glow of the room below, “What the hell did you find?” Discordia asked as she turned back to the prone gnome as saw a large red blot on his leg.

Lord Horatius tried to pry the gelled mass of the gnome’s leg but it foiled all attempts to remove it manually.

“Cut it off!” Slyphwhisper shouted and then he head flew back in pain as the red blob inside the gel quickly shrink away in size and the gel sloughed off his skin.

“What happen? It’s gone.” Lord Horatius proclaimed. However the shrieks of pain from Slyphwhisper’s mouth led Tethys to believe otherwise.

“It’s not gone, it entered his body.” The cleric realized and hefted her newly found greataxe over her head ready to chop.

“Wh-hh-hhat the hell are you doing? Put that thing down!” Slyphwhisper shouted

“What? You said cut it off, that’s what I’m going to do.” Tethys retorted

“Are you proficient with that thing?” Discordia inquired

“You’re not cutting my leg off!” The gnome whined

“Proficient? Pfft. I prayed for something big and dangerous to kill my foes with. My god provides, it’s as simple as that.” Tethys answers

“What? No!” Slyphwhisper protests

“Maybe that thing has him under its control? Maybe we should knock him out if he’s going to protest this much?” Lord Horatius interjects

“I’ll do it myself!” The gnome shouts and begins digging into his own flesh to pry the blob out, nearly overcome with pain and on the verge of passing out, Lord Horatius grabs the blade from Slyphwhisper.

“Move.” Tethys demands as she lines up a swing intended to amputate the gnome’s leg at the hip.

Lord Horatius watches the untrained cleric waver in her balance, “Gimme that thing, you can’t use it properly.”

“What are you talking about? I’m a cleric, we’re all about surgery and this is merely a large surgical instrument. Do you want me to go fishing for that thing with a toothpick or use something that’s going to get the job done with one swing?” Tethys counters

“One swing? One swing from you weaving like that is liable to decapitate the man!” Lord Horatius exclaims

Discordia watches as a slight bulge under the gnome’s skin begins crawling up his leg and passes the gnome’s knee. The warlock fires eldritch energy at the moving knot, burning Slyphwhisper’s leg and bringing the gnome back into consciousness.

“Why are you shooting at me?” Slyphwhisper demands

“He’s back.” Lord Horatius announces and kneels low towards the gnome, “listen, I’m going to try to pour alchemist fir.. grrk.” Slyphwhisper reached up with his small hands and begins to choke the hexblade before he could complete his thought.

Tethys kicks Lord Horatius out of Slyphwhisper’s grip in order to clear the path for her axe swing.

“Stop!” You’re not going anywhere near my leg with a greataxe!” Slyphwhisper cries and pleads for her to use the dagger

“Fine. Baby.” Tethys affronts and slings the greataxe back over her shoulder and sits next to the gnome’s leg. She starts by poking the knot with her finger. Causing the blob to move further up Slyphwhisper’s leg, sending searing pain up and out the mouth of the gnome, causing Discordia to blast the knot again and causing Lord Horatius to shove the cleric out of the way. The hexblade stands over the leg with his short sword and stabs Slyphwhisper’s thigh just above the knot.

“Idiot. You missed the thing completely.” Tethys chides

Lord Horatius snatches the dagger from Tethys’ hand and looks over to Slyphwhisper and gives a nod. The gnome reciprocates and Lord Horatius commences digging into the wound with the dagger. Slyphwhisper writhes and screams in agony.

“Shh… calm down, it’s only a little prick not much blood really.” Tethys tries to reassure Slyphwhisper as Lord Horatius severs the gnome's femoral artery and blood begins pumping into the air over the head of the kneeling hexblade causing Slyphwhisper to hurl insults of unmentionable nature.

“You know I can’t work under these conditions, you’re going to have to be quiet if you expect me to heal that when he’s done.” Tethys informs the gnome which turns the gnome’s hate speech to the cleric’s direction.

“Crap, he’s got a lot of blood in him.” Lord Horatius observes

Slyphwhisper’s world was quickly spinning into blackness. Lord Horatius finally produced the speared red blob on the end of the dagger for all to see. Tethys laid her healing hands over the geyser the gnome’s leg had become. The cleric worked every healing trick she knew and well the bleeding was staunched, the nasty gash in his leg remained and it would take several more sessions with the healer to get his leg back to normal use.

Lord Horatius pulled the woozy gnome to his feet and prepped to lead him out of the basement, “stop, we have a problem.” Discordia announced

The rest of them looked up and failed to notice anything amiss right away, although they felt odd, out of sort. The hair on the backs of their necks stood up and they had the uneasy feeling of being watched closely. It was after several more seconds that they too spotted what Discordia had seen. All the marionette’s heads were turned towards them and all of their soulless dark eyes were focused right on them.


Next Episode: Goo Me!
 
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Gooey

The small wooden dolls slowly and menacingly raised their right arms in unison, grasping the string that held them above the tables they cut their impediment and dropped to the tables. One loud rap on the wooden table signaled their freedom, permanent mocking grins belied the bloodlust that seeped from their painted eyes. Exaggerated chins and noses drew the eyes inward toward the mouth and inescapable doom. An army of marionettes now faced the heroes, intent on keeping the "treasure" below the basement a secret. Discordia weighed a stand and defend strategy with a run for the staircase strategy. Lord Horatius yelled out for help from the party they left upstairs as the dolls fell into lockstep and advanced on the heroes. Tethys pulled her arm free from around Slyphwhipser’s neck letting the gnome lean his weight fully on the arsonist and she came up behind Discordia.

“What the hell is this?”

“Last line of defense, survive the water below and they activate, you notice they let us pass them, they let us get into the back room. Now they intend on making us permanent residents.”

“Help. Under attack down here!” Lord Horatius shouted again

“Don’t you even think about lighting this room up in another of your ill timed cocktail tosses.” Slyphwhisper advised Lord Horatius

Lord Horatius knew that a fire down here might cut off their only escape, but that didn’t stop him from fingering the top of the vial attached to his belt. It whispered tantalizing visuals to him, the room ablaze in orange, wooden dolls screaming in a silent pain of their death. Oh how wonderful that silence sounded, just the crackle of the fire and the warmth its burning of the room would feel to his outstretched hands. He could almost touch it, almost feel it, almost smell it and closing his eyes brought him that much closer. He ripped the vial free from its tenuous hold on his belt, in one defiant move the hexblade lifted the vial, pressed his thumb into the cork lid and flicked it out of neck of the vial. Slyphwhisper was amazed at not only the speed at which the vial was dislodged from Lord Horatius’ side but also by the audacity of the human to disregard the living still fighting to get out of the basement.

Slyphwhisper flailed his right arm out towards Lord Horatius’ hand in an attempt to stop him from throwing the vial. The gnome’s fingers pushed the vial in a wider arc and instead of stopping the motion altogether, it caused he vial to flip wide to the right. The glass crashed onto the far right table and immediately ignited. The table and the marionettes upon it burst into flames. Unperturbed by the flames, the dolls advanced and a few seconds later a popping sound was heard then several small explosions as the dolls that had caught fire detonated. Flaming gel, expelled from the burnt dolls, caught the next table closer to the party. The mindless automatons pointed their sharp dirks at the party, heedless of the destruction around them.

“Run!” Tethys shouted

Discordia was all over that plan and zipped to the other side of the room to the base of the stairs. Several of the marionettes leapt for the warlock but failed to connect. The floor between the rest of the party and a straight line to the door was now crawling with wooden dolls struggling to stand up. Tethys started after Discordia and got a few steps and halted as Lord Horatius left Slyphwhipser unsupported as he took off after the warlock in an attempt to save himself. Slyphwhisper took a painful step with his bad leg and yelped in pain, then collapsed. Lord Horatius leapt over Tethys and tried to span the distance over the dolls and land next to Discordia, he misjudged slightly. Landing in the midst of several marionettes, the small dolls turned and attacked the legs of the hexblade. Their tiny daggers barely scrapped his leg through his trousers. Each leg had three dolls wrapped around it as Lord Horatius slammed his fist into the heads of the highest ones on each side. Using their daggers as pitons the marionettes ascend Lord Horatius’ lower half. Tethys, pissed at the hexblade’s callousness, hefts up the gnome as the whole right side of the room is ablaze. Several dolls exploded, whatever their internal workings were built with pop and spray fluid in their immediate area fueling the fire further.

Discordia aims from the bottom of the staircase and hits a doll hanging off of Lord Horatius’ waiste, frying half of its head. One-eyed and half a grin the doll jabbed its dagger into the ribs of Lord Horatius who was beginning to panic. Standing in the middle of the wooden posse while the fire slowly eats away more and more of the room, the hexblade pounds away on the shell of a head remaining on the doll that Discordia blasted while simultaneously trying to kick away more from climbing on and perhaps kick off a couple that were attached to him. He managed to get one caught on the bottom of his right foot, stomping hard he crushed the chest of the doll. Clear thick liquid oozed out over his foot, quickly turning opaque once it came in contact with the air. He stepped back still fighting off several small stab wounds from the remaining marionettes and found he could not move his right leg. His foot was encased in a white quickly hardening material.

Slyphwhisper watched in sly amusement as he realized what that familiar smell was that he noticed when he first stepped into the basement, tanglefoot glue. Tethys shrieked as a marionette had snuck up behind her and lodged it’s dagger into her back and was repeatedly stabbing away trying to drive the blade deeper than the few centimeters it was only getting. Screaming and flailing in a circle as half the room was now ignited, Slyphwhisper begged her to stop spinning as he reached up and grasped the doll by it’s legs and attempted to pry it off the healer’s back. The gnome yanked the lower half of the doll off its body, tanglefoot glue leaked out from the opening in the lower torso coating Tethys’ vest and reducing its flexibility to that of a wooden plank. Tethys whipped off the vest and tossed it into the fire. Discordia blasted apart a marionette that had made its way to Lord Horatius’ shoulder, spewing the left side of the hexblade’s face with glue. Lord Horatius’ face was frozen in a twisted grimace of revulsion as he tried to fend off his tiny attackers while blinded in one eye.

Slyphwhisper limp skipped his way under the table to his left which was against the north wall, having only to defend his right side, the gnome deftly made it passed the hexblade and hobbled up next to Discordia who was seriously contemplating retreat as she had nothing in her arsenal that could fight off the conflagration the threatened to take the rest of the room shortly. Turning to the gnome she barked out an order, “Get up there and find out why we’re not getting any support.”

The gnome nodded and clambered up the staircase as best he could, upon reaching the top most steps he relayed the bad news, “There’s no one left up here, I don’t know where they went!”

Lord Horatius was covered in small rivulets of blood, the panic in his worthless defense driving his heart rate up and exacerbating his bleeding problem. Tethys faced the prospect of wading through a morass of glue traps or burning alive in Lord Horatius’ stupidity. Choosing to go down with a fight, Tethys begins cutting a swath through the thicket of balsa wood dolls with her greataxe, so focused was she on the path she was cutting she failed to see the dolls still moving on the table to her right. In the blink of an eye a flaming mass shot towards her and landed on her chest. With murderous intensity the flaming doll struck for her heart and began stabbing into left breast. Alarmed at the fire on her chest, the cleric began beating out the fire, taking a hand off the hilt of the axe, her fervered attempts shattered the weakened doll’s casing and her hand quickly fastened itself to her blouse which now had caught fire from what was left of the doll that still drove for her heart.

Discordia watched as Tethys caught fire, Lord Horatius was fatiguing and Slyphwhisper distancing himself from the basement by slowly creeping up the last few steps. Fleeing for her life was becoming the only option left.

Tethys faced down death and struck back, ripping her hand free from her chest, ripping her blouse off in the process. Finding that she still had four moving fingers, she grasped the hilt of her axe again with a flaming gauntlet of glue and cotton. Keenly aware of how defenseless she had now made her torso, Tethys resumed her mowing down of the dolls in front of her. Her hand was in extreme pain and it crept up her arm as the flames licked at her elbow and chest. Discordia has missed the doll’s attack on Tethys as she was distracted by Slyphwhisper’s continued retreat and now as she looked at the cleric she was perplexed as to why the woman would think going topless and setting her arm on fire was a viable option. Discordia found herself inch by inch getting closer to the stairs as she continued to blast apart the dolls that were slowly overtaking the hexblade whose skin had turned a shiny red color that stained the floor beneath him.
 

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